


Cheaters = Losers

by InternetGremlin



Category: Green Day, billie joe armstrong - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/M, Green Day - Freeform, My First Smut, My First Work in This Fandom, SO MUCH FLUFF, Smut, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, yeah they do it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 71,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9719225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InternetGremlin/pseuds/InternetGremlin
Summary: Cheating hurts. And cheating hurts a lot more when you up and leave everything in England, follow your boyfriend halfway across the world and now you're stranded in LA.Lily Orfield thought it was the end of the world.With Green Day's latest album being a huge success, a kickass tour and more girls throwing themselves at him than he could imagine, Billie Joe Armstrong was living the dream, and loving the single life.A broken heart, a busy bar and a brash decision throws the polar opposites together, sending them on a journey of self-discovery, crazy friends and tough choices.-----------------------------------------------AU in which Billie is roughly 20 years younger.





	1. A Fork Stuck In The Road

"I knew you were too good for me."

Any of the buzz I had felt as I skipped into our home fast vanished and was replaced with the sensation of swallowing a litre of iced water. My boyfriend stared back at me like a deer caught in headlights, his stunning hair tousled, gorgeous lips swollen and fantastically toned chest on full display. I just stared, speechless as he rushed to cover the naked girl beneath him with his - our - sheets.  
"Babe-"  
"Don't 'Babe' me."  
"Please, just let me explain,"  
"You don't need to. I have eyes, Josh." I didn't snap, in fact, my voice was alarmingly calm, not representative of the rage bubbling in my stomach. My lips were pressed together in a sad smile, exhaling in an emotionless ha "I can't believe I was so stupid." I said, talking more to myself than I was to him. I'd been dating Josh Hutcherson for six months when he'd asked me to move in with him, and being the naive idiot I was, I accepted and sold my tiny flat where I'd been living in London and almost everything in it. All to follow him with nothing but a backpack and a few boxes, to America.

"I gave up my life to be with you. You promised you'd always take care of me." I talked in the same flat tone as I held up my right hand where, on the fourth finger, sat the glistening promise ring he'd bought me two months ago when I moved in.  
"Well, fuck that," I said and threw the ring back at him, the tinkling of metal on the floor was enough to prompt them to move. The girl got out, wrapped in the sheets and scampered to the bathroom. She was quite beautiful, not at all slutty like I'd been expecting. The thing that made me feel like I'd been hit by a tonne of bricks was that she looked a lot like me. A prettier version of me, one with all my flaws ironed out.

"Wow, you sure do know how to pick 'em," I muttered. "Give her her clothes," I told him and watched as Josh, wearing nothing but boxers and trying to hide the obvious bulge in them, picked up her clothes and took them through to her. Then he looked back at me, eyes almost pleading.  
"Look -"  
"Save it, Josh."  
"But-"  
"We'll talk about it later, okay? Just get dressed, take her home and sort that out." I pointed at his boxers. His ears reddened a little.

I left the apartment, beginning to walk without thinking of where I was going, reflecting on everything that had happened. Would I leave Josh? There was a part of me that wanted to, but I didn't want to be irrational. I did love him, I had for much longer than he has loved me, and I had nowhere else to go. Maybe he had some silly reason, and it was a one off, maybe we'd fix everything, and it would all be okay. I bought a doughnut and coffee from the nearby Starbucks and made my way back. Checking my phone, I realised I'd been out for almost an hour, which was plenty of time for Josh to take Whatsername home and be ready to talk.

When I entered for the second time that evening, he was sat in the living room, he looked up and saw me, his expression brightening a little. I sat down cautiously on the other side of the small den and stared at him. I'd never felt so intimidated in my home. I didn't even feel like it was my home.

"Okay so I've never had one of these conversations before, and I have no idea what I'm doing," I half groaned with my head in my hands. "I don't know; you said you could explain. Go on. Explain." I gestured loosely at him, my face deadpan.  
"I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry Lily, I hate myself for it I do, I promise, and I feel so bad for doing that to you, and I promise I won't even look at another woman again." After listening to Josh's little spiel, I understood about as much of the situation as I had before   
"That wasn't an explanation." There was this sinking feeling in my stomach that perhaps this thing ran deeper than I was hoping.  
"Babe, I'm sorry-"  
"I don't doubt that you are. But I want to know why Josh. Why did you do it?" I felt like I was talking to a stranger. Usually, I could read Josh's emotions so well, know what he was thinking. Now I had no idea; I couldn't tell if he truly was sorry or if he was just trying to pacify me. He kept his eyes downcast, and the best answer I could get was a shrug. My calm attitude was rapidly diminishing.  
"Dammit, Josh! Why?" He wouldn't meet my eyes. "Do you love her?"  
"I love you!"   
"But you love her more." Silence. "Right. So I guess that means you've done this more than once? Don't even try to fight me on this, we both know I'm right." He gave me that boyish half-smile. The one that said I'm sorry, please don't get mad. I wasn't mad.

I nodded, ignoring the weight in my chest and furiously blinking away the tears.  
"I got us the tickets," I forced the words out against my constricting throat. When we first met, one of the things that Josh and I immediately bonded over was our shared love of the band Green Day. We had spent endless hours together, listening to their albums and watching their live shows, and we had promised each other that we would get tickets to see them live, the second opportunity arose. I shook my head and got up and went to our room, where he'd numerously banged that other girl. Fuck. That was a thought to make me nauseous. I grabbed my backpack; it was one of those massive, one-hundred-and-something-litre ones that I'd bought when I travelled the world a few years ago. It didn't take me long to pack, and there was easily enough room to get in all of my clothes and essentials. With a heavy sigh, I heaved the bag on with a strange sense of familiarity and trudged downstairs, keeping my phone, wallet and headphones in my small handbag. I couldn't think of anything else that I needed. Besides, Josh owned all of the furniture.

When he saw me, he finally stood up. "Where are you going?" I barked a dry laugh.  
"So you just admitted that you're in love with another girl-"  
"I still love you, too!"  
"Don't lie to yourself. And you expect me to stick around? Just because you're famous, Josh doesn't mean I'm going to let you walk all over me. I don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone and neither does she." He looked hurt, but finally, all the rage and pent up emotion was starting to hit me like a brick wall. And it fucking hurt.  
"You-you're breaking up with me?"  
"No shit." I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  
"And you're moving out?"  
"Nooo, I'm just taking all my possessions to a concert." My eyes narrowed into a cold look, pointed straight at his chest.  
"You're still going!?"  
"And I'm not coming back." I opened the door to reveal the bright sunshine. (Only in bloody California, in England pathetic fallacy actually works.)

"Goodbye, Josh. I hope you had the time of your life." I said with a sigh and closed the door.

~~~~~~

It took me forever to get rid of the spare ticket. They'd been expensive, and everyone who I offered it to wanted it at half price and I needed the cash, or they didn't believe it was a genuine ticket. Eventually, much to my frustration, I was approached by a younger girl who was beyond desperate to get in but didn't have enough cash. I ended up just giving her the spare one before she began to cry, which somehow got me scruffed by the neck and marched away. I was told by a security guard double my size that he'd seen what I did and rewarded me with the cash for the ticket and they escorted me in at the front of the line so I got an excellent spot in the mosh pit.

The gig was without a doubt the best thing that, in my twenty-five years of existence, had ever happened to me. I'd been to a lot of gigs, but never a Green Day one despite the fact that they were my favourite band, so naturally I had the last six years of being obsessed with this band riding on the moment. I was not disappointed. The music was mind blowing live, loud and pulsating and throbbing through me and the energy was flowing off of the guys was infectious, charging through the crowd and making me feel more alive than ever. I screamed at the top of my lungs to every song, jumping around and generally moshing without a care in the world, laughing as complete strangers pushed me through the sweaty circle. I wasn't bothered that the band hadn't noticed me, after all, I wasn't expecting them to, and I think I would have been to terrified to get up on the stage anyway. Tré had, however, been quite violently throwing his sticks around all evening and I had managed to get one, or rather the six-foot-something guy behind me had wrestled it off this girl who had jumped me to get to it and handed it back to me with a smile. I has also collected a lot of confetti and bought myself a t-shirt.

After kicking out, I stood on the edge of the pavement and sighed heavily, indecisive as usual. It was lateish, about 11 pm, but I didn't want to settle down yet, my veins still buzzing from the performance and being so close to my heroes. I felt alive, more so than I had in years. There was no way in hell that I was going back to Josh, no matter what that would mean for me in the coming nights.

I decided to go to the local bar, what I'd call a pub had I been back home in England. It wasn't the night club where everyone else was going, the place where you go to get drunk off your ass and then dance it out badly in a mosh pit where you were held up by the sweaty bodies around you. The place where it smells of sweat and booze and sex and the lights are dark purple, and you can't go to the bathroom unless it's to fuck and the music is so loud you can't talk to anyone. This place, O'Malley's, was a lot quieter. They had a long counter where you could sit and drink your troubles away (much as I intended to) as well as booths and small tables around the outside with a dance floor in the middle. There was always music playing and a stage set up for live too. People did dance there, but there was room to move, and you could go pee without having four fucking, and I mean literally fucking couples pressing in on you and most importantly for me: you could order food there and use the free wifi. Perfect.

I made my way across the road and smiled at the familiarity of the old place. O'Malley's smelt like home, of pubs back in England. The smell of wood varnish and lemonade and beer and chips. I heaved myself onto a stool and dropped my bag at my feet, shooting Benjamin, the bartender and owner, a tired smile in reply to the worried glance he was giving me.  
"I'm all right, Benj. Just get me the usual with an extra shot please." He compiled as always, giving me my favourite - one of his homemade cocktails. I was never much of an alcoholic, and I don't like the taste of alcohol that much so I had a heavily sweetened mix thing. I didn't know the name of it. He handed me the glass, and I took a long gulp.  
"Rough night?" He asked me. I raised my eyebrows.  
"You have no idea. Can I get some chips please, too?"  
"You're so English," Benj laughed at me. "You do mean fries right?" I gave him a look that said obviously.

"So I heard there was this band in town tonight. Nightlife must be getting a lot of action." He spoke with an air of resignment; Nightlife was the night club and whenever it was busy O'Malleys would be empty.  
"Yeah, probably. I went to the gig, though - they were amazing! Oh, ta, Benj, you're a legend." I grinned at him and my mood lifted as he handed me the large plate of chunky cut chips like they do at home. Surprisingly, the place was starting to fill up and so Benj had to go and attend to the other customers, leaving me to eat in peace. It was really getting busy, and it wasn't until I heard a familiar voice a few chairs down from me that I froze. That would explain why it was getting busy.

"Doughnut sprinkles!" Tré Cool was demanding at a bewildered Benj. And I'd recognise the sideburns of the guy giggling and trying to explain to the poor bartender that his friend wanted to snort them any day. I looked down at my chips, a small grin making its way onto my features. No way in hell were two members of the best band in the world in O'Malley's. I'd assumed they'd gone to Nightlife to get some action, which struck me as oddly funny as they had a song with the same name. I scanned the small venue quickly, and my heart sank a little. By the looks of things, Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day's frontman wasn't with his two best friends. He'd probably gone to Nightlife to get a good fuck or four. I looked down and carried on munching my chips, going through another few heavily sweetened drinks and I was starting to feel the warm buzz of the alcohol in my system, something I hadn't felt in a long time. The place continued to fill up, to the point where it was becoming packed, so I decided to check my phone to stop looking like such a loner. Seventeen messages greeted me, all from Josh. I gave a disgusted snort as I read a few.

I'm so sorry  
Bby?  
Bby pls  
Lil?  
Bby pls come home  
Lil bby I am so sorry, pls come back  
Y don't we just tlk about this a bit more?  
Honey honestly it was nthin I swr  
I need u

I scowled at my phone. He couldn't even be bothered to text me correctly. I was about to press the delete button when someone startled me,  
"Who's been rude enough to put a scowl on that gorgeous face?" I whipped around to put my less than gorgeous fist in the asshole's face: I was not in the mood to be hit on, but when I turned around said asshole's face was a lot closer than anticipated, and it took me a moment to breathe. To think.


	2. Before All The Flames Burn Out

A wild mass of black hair was the first thing I noticed, before dropping my gaze to find a pair of heavily lined pale green eyes, the corners of which were sloping down slightly and creased with smile lines. A single stud nestled in one ear and I could see where there used to be others and as well as a minuscule mark from where a nose ring once sat. Perfect lips quirked upwards in a curious smile, showing no teeth, but I knew that they would be slightly crooked. He was wearing a black shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and a black waistcoat. He'd changed from earlier and somehow managed to look even better. He wore black skinny jeans that clung to his petite frame, slung low on his hips and held up with that silver studded belt that I adored, on his feet were a pair of beat-up black converse. Not that I was looking that closely. He noticed my stare and smirked a little as he also had been looking me up and down.

Suddenly, I was very much up for being hit on. He was here, really right here, stood right in front of me, looking into my eyes and waiting for me to reply. I would have found that easier if he hadn't been so bloody attractive, and wearing a shirt and waistcoat like that was instantly guaranteed to kill me without the added help of his general hotness. 

"I-I," I could feel the heat threatening to rise to my cheeks. "Erm, just boy drama. You know, the usual. Benji!" My voice came out strangled and more panicked than I would've liked it to as I called for another drink. I went to slide another note over the counter when a warm hand covered mine, sending my body into overdrive at the simple gesture.  
"I got it," Billie freaking Joe Armstrong said as he paid. My eyes must've been double their usual size, and I was paralysed, the only thing moving me just seconds later, just before Billie moved his hand, was my phone alerting me that Josh had sent me yet another text. I jumped away as if I had been burnt and scanned it quickly; it was the same as before, misspelt crap fro Josh, but I didn't delete it. Instead, I took a drink. A long one. Billie Joe watched me with a funny expression; he looked half amused, and half worried, maybe.

"Must be pretty bad drama to get you drinking like that unless you're an alcoholic, y'know. Which you aren't because that," he pointed at the half empty glass in my hand "is lame." The way he looked at me made me feel like I was in a trance, those green eyes seemed to bind me to my seat and compel me to talk to him, especially when they turned pleading.  
"Well you got me there, I'm not an alcoholic," I tittered nervously, unsure of what to say "I'm just- never mind."  
"Just what?" He prompted.  
"You don't want to hear my whining; I'll just bring you down. Surely you'd rather be partying? You've got to want to be celebrating after a gig like that," I pushed, but he just shrugged casually and his gaze on my face intensified, if that was even possible.   
"I'll be your shrink,"  
"What are you going to do? Analyse my dreams?" I challenged before the pair of us began to laugh.   
"Y'know, I don't think I properly introduced myself, I'm Billie Joe," he held out his hand to me.  
"Lily," I smiled grasping it, the sensation sent my body haywire, and I had to fight to not pass out. Touching him, it felt electric. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he was my musical hero, idol and basically the love of my teenage years. It was like when I used to touch Josh, but it was nothing like Josh. Josh had sent a warm pulse through me, something, but Billie, Billie Joe made me feel like I'd been struck by lightning, so much more powerful. I think Billie felt the shock too because he flinched, but then tightened his grip for a second, our gazes locked on each other.

Billie Joe pestered me until I gave in and told him briefly the situation with Josh. In response to which he grabbed my phone, despite my weak and mildly drunken protests, and deleted "The asshole, he doesn't deserve you anyway,"  
"Well, y'know, that's one problem solved. Now the other one is a lack of sex." He was still stood up; all the stools occupied, but he shifted his position so he was leaning on the bar in a bit more of a provocative way, a goofy smirk making its way onto his features, he was stood close to me anyway because of the crowd in the small venue, but now he was basically leaning over me, his hips pushing forwards and arms hovering above mine, just waiting for me to allow him to touch.    
"I had a feeling you were going to say that," I laughed as I hid my blushing face in my hands. Saying as Billie Joe was my favourite human on the planet, and I was fighting the starstruck feeling, I was finding it easier than I thought to talk to him. His sense of humour was similar to mine and it was no effort to respond to his silly quips with cutting remarks and slightly offensive comments. 

A loud wolf whistle made us jump apart, and I almost knocked my drink over. I saved it and took a rushed gulp in order to not look like a complete idiot, trying to fight the intensifying heat in my face, especially as I heard Billie Joe's deep chuckle from right beside me.  
"Woo! Go, Billie! Dude, are you gettin' some tonight or what?" Billie cringed a little, which was very attractive in itself.  
"Thanks again, Tré," he mumbled, shaking his head amusedly as the drummer was once again distracted, no had turned away to torture someone else.   
"So," I started.  
"So," he mimicked me, raising an eyebrow.  
"You're in Green Day," Wow, well done Captain Obvious. He laughed gently, not at me, not in a cruel way. His voice was so soft and friendly, completely different to the gruff punk screaming profanities on stage.   
"I guess I am, y'know. Did you see us tonight?" He gestured at my top; it was black, to match my ripped jeans, and was also a skinny fit. It didn't say Green Day, but it had the Heart Like A Hand Grenade printed across the chest.  
"Yeah I did, you were - you three - were amaz-er- out of this world." I beamed, trying not to freak out as I struggled to find the words to tell him how wonderful his band was without sounding like a complete freak. He just smirked a little. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Oh, I did, especially the part where you took your top off and pretended to masturbate. My mind tracked back to the glorious few songs that Billie Joe had treated as a bit of a tease to the girls. 

Billie and I talked (and giggled, though that was mainly on my part) for a good while longer, until he decided that more drinks were in order. He leant across the counter, and my insides definitely exploded. It was common knowledge that Billie Joe wasn't the tallest guy around so he had to stretch a little further over the bar, his shirt riding up to show off a small PUNX tattoo just above his left hip and a good part of his well-formed stomach. He wasn't ripped, nor really muscly but his thin frame and the activity from touring meant that what was there was perfect. He caught me looking and smirked, coming in closer until his head was right by my ear, messy hair tickling a little bit as his hot breath ghosted over my skin,  
"Like what you see, huh?" I could feel the laugh in his chest when my response was a rapid increase in breathing. "Is that what I do to you?"  
"Billie Joe, I-" he cut me off by placing his hand on my thigh, and it felt like there was a lightning storm in my stomach.  
"Tell me you feel it too," His voice was low and sultry, but also had a slight tone of desperation to it.  
"I-of course I do. I just don't know what it is." I meekly tried to explain, gasping when lips traced my ear, sending shivers down my spine. In response I placed my hand tentatively mon his arm, gently tracing the stars there which I think he liked, as I felt a slight nip and tug on my ear, and his smile told me to keep going as his eyes searched mine for an answer as to what we were doing in the middle of the bar. Working by themselves, my legs entwined around his own, trapping him in the embrace, and my head tilted backwards, offering my neck with a silent groan. Billie moved his head further down, hot lips pressed towards the base of my neck, causing an involuntary sound to escape me when, for a second, I felt the wet heat of his tongue and the smirk on his lips.

"Billie, are you gonna fuck her anytime soon or am I going to have to do it for you?" Tré yelled, causing us to jump apart as if we'd been shocked, both of us colouring and desperately fixing the clothes that hadn't been displaced. Time had passed quicker than I'd thought, it turned out that I'd been talking to Billie for a good hour, and more drinks than I was aware of had been consumed. No wonder Tré was yelling, I guessed that normally they would get the first girl who offers, and I was not offering (that much, at least). Billie sent a "Fuck you, Tré!" And a middle finger back at his friend before turning his attention to me.

"Do you dance?" He nodded his head towards the dance floor where a fair few people were dancing, well, I guess you could be called dancing. I looked at him, with one hand on his the back of his head in a cool-but-nervous scratch and his eyes flicking from pleading with mine to the floor.  
"If this is your way of asking me to dance with you, it's pathetic," I grinned but took his offering hand anyway with a mock curtsey in response to his bow. The song was some poppy shit from the charts that I had never heard before, but the others on the floor were bopping about like deranged chickens, contorting themselves in ways I didn't  think bodies were supposed to go. I think the song was by Drake, but I really didn't know. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just how Billie made me feel, but for once I was the one to break the silence of the slightly awkward swaying.   
"If you think I'm going to dance like that I'm going back to my - oh okay," Billie Joe silenced me by moving quickly towards me, arms snaking around my waist and pulling me closer to him, before pushing his body into mine and beginning to really sway. I let my arms rest on his tracing the tattoos in slow circles, but he looked at me with an eyebrow raised, and a quirky little smile that said is that all you've got? And my arms moved, as if he controlled them, to around his neck. Josh never danced with me and not like this. I didn't want to think of Josh, so I focused on the electric feeling as we swayed gently, in our own world with our own songs.

Billie and I's conversation continued somehow, but it was quieter and involved a lot more of intimate whispering of sweet nothings than the life stories of before. I don't really know how, but my fingers ended up curling around the hair at the base of his neck, softly playing with the scruffy ends, I heard a stifled noise in his throat and in my half delirious state I noticed that his face was moving closer to my mind. Of course at that point the sickening thought occurred to me, and I must have instinctively moved back because Billie Joe pulled away and looked at me worriedly. "Is everything okay?" His eyes searched mine, and I don't know what was so entrapping about the black-lined-green, but there was no way I could not pour out my soul to him.

"I'm sorry if I'm going to make this awkward, but aren't you married or something to, er, Adrienne I think the papers said?" I knew exactly what the papers said but there was no way I was letting him know that, he'd probably think I was a crazy stalker and bolt. Billie's shoulders relaxed, and he pulled me closer than before so my head was resting over his heart where I could feel the not-so-steady rhythm. "Adrienne was my best friend, we never dated but we agreed to let the paparazzi think we were so y'know, as the band grew I might be protected a little. Anyway, we had a fight before the tour, and she didn't like that so much. I thought she announced we'd 'broken up'." I felt myself calm down, but I didn't move.

"Okay, because after what Josh did to me there's no way I could let you do the same," he held me tighter for a second, protectively.  
"No way, Lily. It's just you and me right now." I smiled at him and allowed my hands to find their way back into his hair, and I pushed my hips against his a little harder, letting that delicious electric shock feeling to flood me for a second. I decided to tease a bit, after all, I was going to have to go very soon, and I wanted to be remembered. I pulled myself up against his ear how he had to me earlier and whispered,  
"Is this how you dance with all your girls?" Leaving a quick kiss just below it as I pulled away. I heard him gulp and smirked a little as he regained his posture before a childish grin stole over his face.

"No, actually. It's more like this," Billie pulled away from me and began to Dad Dance, quickly catching the attention of Tré and Mike who ran over to form a sort of group and busted into an all-out cringy routine. At the end Billie struck a pose and was lifted horizontally by the other two who were kneeling like it was some sort of cheerleading thing, I stared at them for a minute and began to clap. "Now I can see how you guys get all the girls." At which Tré responded "Job done," with a wink and he and Mike literally threw Billie at my feet and disappeared back to the sprinkles or whatever they were doing.

Billie stood up and brushed himself off as if he didn't just bust out a routine worthy of Monica and Ross.

"I'm not lying, that wasn't what I was expecting," he smirked. Again. As if he knew what I was thinking.  
"I know," I moved closer and pushed myself against him. He played back, this time, gently rocking his hips onto mine with a low growl. "Better?" He did it again, holding himself there for just a second longer, the textured voice from the show was starting to slip in.   
"Much," quickly I planted a kiss on his cheek, but closer to his jaw and pulled away. We danced until the end of the song

Like all good times, I let my eyes drift over to the clock in the corner and nearly had a heart attack when I noticed how late it was "And now, I have to go," I left the dance floor and grabbed my bag, throwing a few notes down for Benj. Billie Joe was right behind me, looking a little bit flustered and lost.  
"Go?" He spoke, sounded like a child who had just been told that their birthday party is cancelled.   
"Unfortunately, it's late and I really need to get moving. Write a song about me or something," I gave him a final smile as I heaved on the backpack three-quarters of my size and left the pub.

As I began to walk my head was reeling with thoughts of Billie. Maybe I should've asked for his number. Maybe I should've stayed and seen if he'd ask me back to his. Maybe. But that meant admitting to him that I was now homeless or a whore, and I needed to find a park or somewhere to set up my carnival tent without anyone finding out. That was until a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around, green eyes were once again staring into my own.

"Go where?" There was something about his eyes that made him impossible to lie to.  
"Um, well I haven't exactly decided yet," his face was unreadable.  
"I knew it! You left that Josh guy and also your home, you've got no place to go," was he happy? His voice has something more uplifted in it. "Lily, we have...something, y'know. You can't tell me you didn't feel it. Stay with me, just for tonight if you want. Please, don't make me let you go out into the wild drunk and alone." He had hold of my wrists. Maybe I could've test the waters a little bit.

"I'm not that drunk, and what if I refuse?" I cocked an eyebrow.  
"I have bodyguards for that." He cocked his eyebrow right back. "And anyway, I gotta to know,"  
"Know wha-" Lips pressed onto mine, softly and quickly at first, but as he went to pull away I knotted my fingers in his hair and pulled him back down, harder. He leant into me, grabbing my hips and lowering me slightly. Bliss, my mind going blank as I forgot everything apart from the feel of him, especially when I felt that same tongue dart across my bottom lip, and the pair of teeth that followed when I didn't respond.

Until stupid fucking gravity got in the way.

My backpack was weighing us down so much that we fell to the floor, me on top of it and him on top of me, all in a fit of giggles. We pulled away, and he just stopped, staring at me without really focusing.

"If you're the one that got away."


	3. The One That Got Away

He eased himself off of me, seemingly unfazed unlike myself, who was in a bit more of a state than I'd liked to admit. Billie Joe just stared at me. Right into my eyes. Even the silence surrounding us felt supercharged.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured while holding my waist gently, his thumbs tracing over my jeans leaving trails of sparks. I could feel my breathing speeding up even more, my pulse racing at a dizzying rate, my breath coming out in shaky puffs, little bumps and shivers dancing across my skin after his fingers. He looked at me from under his lashes, all smirk and hair and glittering eyes,

"Stay the night?"

I was shocked to say the least. And if the loud and involuntary gasp didn't tell Billie that I was slightly offended then he was blind or whatever.   
"Billie Joe! No!" His eyes widened and in the dark I noticed they had an eerie green glow, added to by the charcoal pull of the eyeliner, the shadows cast a gloomy shadow on his face, making his eyes burning embers in hollow pits, his features thrown into disproportion. I frantically scrambled away from him, keeping a safe distance between myself and the punk rocker. 

"I'm not going to have sex with someone I just met! Especially after breaking up with my boyfriend like five hours ago!" Billie moved a fraction and the light fell back onto his face, chasing away the ominous shadows. I could see the blood rushing to his cheeks, tinting them even though he tried to play the blush down. He'd stepped away from me too, head down and shuffling his feet. Immediately my stomach dropped and I felt awful, I just assumed the worst of him, this man was my hero and my idol and I'd loved him for as long as I could remember, and here I was thinking things like that about him.   
"You think I'm like that? Like every other douchebag pop-star that fucks the first vulnerable chick they can get their hands on?" His voice had an edge to it, something dangerous and I hated how it drew me to him even more, he wore offence well.   
"You think I'm vulnerable?"  
"No I, no, no, I meant, y'know, because you're a girl and you're clearly alone-" He gestured around a bit, clearly unable to vocalise what he was thinking. I understood him anyway.   
"Think carefully about what you're about to say." I warned him with a raised eyebrow, I couldn't just drop all my suspicions so I played the act a little longer.   
"Did I mention that I love your accent?" He changed tactic, back to flirting and flattery, not that it really mattered.  
"Thank you, but I don't even know you and you asked me to 'stay the night', how am I supposed to take it?"  
"As a way to...I don't know! Y'know, help you? Put a roof over your head?" His voice softened and I let him grab my arms as he forced me, very gently, to look at him. His eyes were wide, begging and dilated. I gave him a small smile.   
"I'm sorry, I just assumed you rock stars are all sex, drugs and violence," He grinned, but his eyes stayed soft as if he was seeing right into my soul, reading me like a book.  
"We are, you're just special, Lily," he shuffled even closer to me, I didn't know that was possible, but I could feel the heat radiating off him in waves and crashing onto me like an electric tide, something I liked, a lot. "You said you felt it too, this thing, at least honor it?" The toes of our beat up Converse were touching and he leaned in slowly, his eyes fluttering shut as he kissed me. 

Billie Joe has very pretty eyelashes. 

Our lips were barely touching, but even so it carried an almost unbearable heat, almost. It was as if he was trying to push all of his emotions, everything that he couldn't say, into this simple gesture and goddammit this American idiot could work magic. 

I finally moved, placing my palms flat against his chest, lightly pushing him away. He barely responded, my hands stayed on his chest, just disconnecting our lips but staying so close that I could feel his breath fanning over me. His chest was moving a bit more rapidly and I could feel his heartbeat thudding beneath my hands.  
"I must be mad," I mumbled to myself, then louder, I must like kissing Billie. A lot. "Okay. I'll go with you." He pulled away and did an amusing little victory dance before sweeping down and engulfing me in a hug. 

~~~~~

"Your bus is huge." Was the first thing I said when Billie helped me up into the tour bus, he just grinned at me and took my rucksack doing an over exaggerated "umph" at the weight of it, making me laugh. In front of me there was a lounge/kitchen area which looked like the boys' hang out spot when they were on the road. It was equipped with a microwave, a stove that looked like it'd never been used, a sink and a fridge and in the open plan space there was a massive sofa, a TV mounted on the wall and a stand with a few guitars and basses and a fucking drum kit. I felt sorry for the driver if they had rehearsals on the road. There were a few rickety stacks of DVDs and CDs and scattered around the place was open cases, magazines (no need to guess what type they were) wrappers and the odd item of clothing or guitar pick. Billie Joe shrugged at me, but there was the red on his cheeks again as he kicked a magazine that was opened and flashing a rather large pair of fake boobs out of sight.   
"We're guys, we get messy, y'know?" At the back of the room was a blue patterned door with '¡TRÉ!' splashed across it. Billie led me through it to a complete mess of a room, my heart sank and I hoped it wasn't his. It smelt of weed and smoke, there was rubbish and really strange clothes everywhere along with random broken drum parts and drumsticks and lots of dirty magazines laid open and the bed unmade. "Tré's," Was all Billie said, not that he needed to, laughing a little and kicking some stuff out of the way to get to the next door, which was orange with ¡DOS! on it that led to an identical room, this one was clearly Mike's, based on the rack of basses against the one wall. It was surprisingly neat, with nothing looking out of place or like it shouldn't be there. Billie continued walking to where there was a final door, ¡UNO!

"Your room?" He turned to smile at me as he opened the door, pulling out the black scarf that had been hanging out of his back pocket and tying it around the handle. "So they don't come charging in," He said noticing me looking at the scarf, I'd refuse to admit it, but my heart rate sped up. "After you," 

I was stood in the middle, staring around his room in silent awe, I was in Billie fucking Joe Armstrong's room on the Green Day tour bus and it was better than I'd ever imagined it. His room was the nicest of the three: he'd kept it tidy, but it was a bit more natural than Mike's, clearly Billie spent time in his room. He had a large window along the back wall (it was so tinted I hadn't even realised it was a window when we walked past it) and his bed was pushed right against it, made, but the sheets were a little rumpled as if he'd sat on them since then. There was the small door off to the side that the other's had, what I guessed was an en suite. He'd decorated a little bit, I guess you could call it decoration - Billie had just hung a few posters of some other bands and such around the room. He had a small wardrobe but I guessed most of their clothes were kept on the support busses that went with them and he had an average TV, beside which were several stacks of precariously balanced books. On the final wall there was a guitar stand holding the world famous Blue and an acoustic, both mounted carefully on the wall and beside that there was a small amp and a desk with sheets of paper, notebooks and random bits of stationery scattered across it. Billie was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets and he looked a bit nervous, as if he was worried I'd hold it against him.   
"So, this is my room. Sorry, you have to walk through Tré and Mike's to get to it," I grinned at him.   
"It's fine, I love it," He'd balanced my backpack in a corner and it looked like it'd always been there. I gestured to Blue,  
"Is that-"  
"The original? Yeah," He looked at the guitar lovingly and relaxed as he was let into talking about his area of expertise "She's kinda a lucky charm, y'know?" I nodded.

As my eyes scanned over the tottering pile of books I recognised a lot of the covers. The one on top was mangled almost beyond recognition, the once red cover a faded orange and was creased so much. I picked it up with care and my favourite scent of old book wafted up with a familiar crunch of old pages and the tentative worry that the damn thing might fall apart. My eyebrow quirked up as I regarded him with an amused look.   
"The Cather In The Rye?" As I spoke he turned away from me, his shoulders drawing up as his movements became stiff and unnatural while he falsely moved papers that were already tidy. He spoke like that, too, avoiding looking at me,  
"I like classics." I watched his posture remain stiff and I kept silent waiting for him to turn around. The second his eyes caught mine, showing me just how apprehensive he was, my face cracked into a grin.   
"Snap," I laughed. Billie Joe's eyes closed momentarily and a relieved smile washed across his face as he let out a small laugh.   
"Good, I don't like people mocking me," he said, jaw jutting out slightly in defiance of something in his head. I gave him a confused look, not quite following.   
"I got some shit from these older guys in this band at Gilman for reading a lot," I stared at the guy before me: Billie Joe Armstrong, punk rock legend, was worried I'd mock him for reading a book.   
"So? Who gives two shits what they thought?"   
He looked at me sadly, "They put me in hospital for a week. I was fourteen,"

I didn't really know what to say to Billie, my hazy mind still a little slow to respond, so I simple wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. I felt his warm hands on my back, gripping slightly as if I might let go. I wasn't planning on letting go.   
"They had a gun," he mumbled into my neck, I tightened my grip slightly and ran my hand softly through his hair. It felt so natural, being in his arms, so right.   
"You don't have to-"  
"It broke my ribs. I was millimetres off puncturing a lung."   
"Billie-"  
"I nearly died! For reading a fucking book!"  
I was going to push him away when I noticed his grip falter for a second, and I realised that he was shaking. 

Gently, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back so I could see his face. He looked a little pale, but it was his eyes that scared me the most. They had glazed over and he seemed to be staring at something that wasn't there and I could physically see him quivering. He looked possessed, haunted almost.   
"Billie?" I asked, keeping my voice soft in case he exploded. 

As quickly as his terror had come on it had passed, the colour flooding back into his cheeks and his eyes brightening as they focused back on me. He shot me a slightly guilty smile, but he stood up straighter and heaved a deep sigh.   
"I'm sorry," he said. I admired him for that, that he was completely able to just accept these things about himself and move on.   
"It's fine, we all have ghosts,"   
I patted his arm gently. I cast my eyes over his shoulder I noticed a pair of glasses perched atop another book on his bedside table and I felt a cold stab of panic.

"Shit!" Billie looked alarmed and his eyes began to dart around his room, looking for the source of my sudden dismay.  
"What?"  
"I left some stuff at Josh's," It suddenly hit me that I'd forgotten my glasses, having put in contacts for the concert. I was okay without them, but I'd have to take the contacts out to sleep and I didn't have another pair, which was not okay as I was quite badly short sighted to the point where I was fearful to go out without something and the glasses had kind of become my safety blanket. I could already feel the dread welling up inside me. I did not want to go back to Josh's, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that there was quite a bit that I'd left behind in my haste to leave. 

"Oh," was all he said. "I'll take you tomorrow," Billie said it decisively and he had this stubborn little tone that said don't even try to argue. I guess it finally hit me, everything that had happened, and I felt like I'd been hit by a ton of bricks, with the surreality of meeting Billie, the break up and my predicament had been swept along as part of the dream, but now everything that'd happened hit me in full force.


	4. Taking Heed Just For You

My vision swam and without warning I was back at Josh's, in our room, staring at his naked torso above that other girl, them snogging, sucking at each other's faces as if they held some key to life, and I could hear his voice, low and husky as it was for only me, whispering my "I love you"'s to her. My chest physically ached and I vaguely noticed I was heaving and sobbing.

I tried to stop it, but the more I tried to control my hysteria the more out of control it became until I was trapped back in that dark tunnel with the metal bands around my chest, pushing all the air away. No. I promised myself I'd never go back there, but the more I fought to get away, the more the bands squeezed the air from me, the more the alarm bells shrieked in my head, the heavier the darkness pressed in on me, trapping me like an animal. No. no no no. NO.

"Hey!" A voice broke through, but it was faint. "Hey!" They were shouting. I felt a hand on my shoulder, cold and clammy. I went to whip around, but I couldn't move. I wanted to tell the skeletal figure that I knew would greet me to go away, that I was not going to pass out today, but I couldn't. I didn't want to see him again. I promised that I wouldn't. Josh appeared instead, but he looked different. Scary. The bands got even tighter. I couldn't breathe at all. Then he changed. He grew black hair, his eyes turned green and worried and it was Billie Joe staring at me. I wanted to tell him to go away too, but then I realised that I was no longer in the dark corridor. I didn't know where I was. My head was spinning. All I could hear was my pulse thundering in my ears. My chest was spasming as I heaved, but no air made it in, even as I gulped. My vision was starting to blur and black was seeking back into the corners. I tried to focus on Billie instead. The black spots were starting to blur him out. Panic was overwhelming. Hands, warm, landed on my shoulders, forcing me to slow down. Forcing the motions. My breathing followed to match, following the path his hands forged.

Oxygen rushed back into my system and the bands fell away. My vision widened out and I could see my surroundings again. My muscles ached from the sudden and prolonged tension. Billie was staring at me, sat quietly but maintaining contact. He waited for me to talk. He'd guided me to the bed at some point and sat me down.  
"I am so sorry," I began, but he shook his head.  
"It's fine. You've had a rough day,"  
"Yeah, but I didn't mean to put you through that," He looked at me like I'd grown two heads,  
"Put me through it? You're then one who just had a fucking panic attack and you're apologising to me?" I shrank away, but he pulled me into a hug. "Never be sorry, you can't help those things. Here," He had a chocolate bar. I took it without question and bit off a massive chunk. He grinned at me and I gave him a relieved smile back,  
"How did you know-"  
"Y'know, I have anxiety," He explained with a bashful shrug, "Trust me when I say I know how exhausted you feel after dealing with one of those bastards, what you just saw was nothing," I sent him a weak smile.  
"Take a shower - my bathroom's through there - honestly, take as long as you need. I promise you'll feel better." I managed a small smile at him and took another mouthful of chocolate. I screwed my eyes tight and roughly wiped at the wetness. I hated crying. I felt so weak and pathetic.

"Please don't cry," He murmured, wiping at a stray tear that was sliding down my cheek. "You're too beautiful to cry," for some reason this made more tears fall. It was all too much. Why was he being so nice to me? Was it because I was vulnerable and he wanted some? He said it wasn't. Josh said it wasn't. Josh was clearly bored of me. I should not have gone with Billie. He clearly just wanted sex and I just broke up with Josh. I am not like that. I am not a slut. He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me towards him, kissing me so delicately it was like he was worried that I'd break. I kissed back, obviously, with a needy desperation. I am not a slut. I was asking Billie to make me forget. To make it feel better. Suddenly, I was the driving force of this kiss, my hands knotted in his hair, tugging gently and pushing myself into him, begging for more contact. His hands moved to my hips and I could feel his tongue tracing my bottom lip so I opened my mouth for him. We tumbled back onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, lips never separating as we explored each other in a new way. I managed to scramble on top of him so I was straddling his narrow waist. My hands pushing under his shirt and riding it up, asking to take it off, which he did. His hands ran up and down my torso as I worked my way along his arms kissing the tattoos that snaked their way up his skin. My tongue traced along his collarbone, eliciting a guttural growl from him and as I made my way south he got louder, as did I when his hands found my head and tangled themselves in my hair. Before we knew what we were doing my fingers were feeling for the clasp on his belt. I am not a slut, but I was not thinking straight.

Billie sat up and pushed me away. His face was flushed, eyes wide and a much darker colour and his hair was even messier. He swallowed and I watched his Adam's apple bob hungrily.  
"Lily,"  
"What?" I murmured, going for his neck.  
"Stop it," his voice was strained, like he was forcing the words out against his will.  
"No," he pushed me away and made me sit.  
"You don't want this," I didn't care if he was right.  
"I want to forget." I lunged for him again, but he pinned me down with ease, straddling atop of me this time.  
"I know you do, but you already said you didn't want to do this and it will only make it worse in the morning." I scowled at him, childish I know, but I've never been one for accepting when I'm wrong.  
"How about, y'know, that shower?"  
"Will you come with me?" I tried with a cheeky smirk. His eyes seemed to pop out of his skull before he noticed my shit eating grin, to which he rolled his eyes, but was smiling anyway.

"No. How much did you drink?" I shrugged, but we both knew it wasn't the alcohol. It was the Adrenalin rush from the aftermath of the attack. it makes you reckless, desperate to forget it happened. To be taken somewhere, anywhere better.

Billie was right, the shower was really good. The water was hot and it instantly made me relax. The Adrenalin wore off and I felt like I wanted to die. I must have groaned louder than I thought because I could hear his laughter. Did I seriously just come on to Billie Joe Armstrong that strongly? Well, there was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to blame my deadly cocktail of alcohol, Adrenalin and heartbreak. 

Washing felt like I was finally cleansing myself of Josh's chapter, and my previous rebound behavior, ready to start my next one, in which I promised I'd behave. I sang loudly and badly, because that's what I did in showers and to be honest, who doesn't? I was mildly shocked, however, when someone joined in my awesome Platypus solo - including guitar sound effects. I guess that's what you get when you sing songs with the guy who wrote them in the next room. I changed into my pyjamas - shorts and a loose crop top, I would've picked something a bit more covering but I thought I'd be sleeping out in my festival tent in the California heat, not on my idol's bus. I stepped out of the bathroom.

Billie was stretched out on the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with his nose in a book. His eyes trailed me up and down over the top of his glasses. His shoulders and arms were full of brightly coloured images that I was itching to get a closer look at. His chest was small and he was narrow, but somehow he was perfect, even though it was flat and undefined. The elastic of his boxers was slung low on his hips, a thin trickle of black hair, barely visible trailed from his belly button down to the elastic seam and beyond. He let out a low whistle, snapping me back to attention as the glasses and the novel were returned to the bedside table. Billie in glasses was as nice as Billie's body, which was to say, very nice. They framed his face, keeping his edgy dangerous aura, but also giving him a slightly geeky offset as well as making his stunning eyes slightly even larger and more intense. The room felt even thicker than earlier, I could almost taste the electricity crackling between the two of us. I felt a rush of heat spread through my cheeks as I realised that he'd been looking at me the way I was looking at him.

"Nice singing," he smirked, voice velvety and seductive in his Californian way.  
"You're just jealous because I sang it better than you did." Well done. Anything that was there fast evaporated. He smirked but showed me his palms, surrender.  
"Of course," but he shook his head mouthing no. I threw a book at him. It was the first thing I could grab,  
"Dickhead."  
"Say that again,"  
"Why? Dickhead,"  
"I like the way it sounds."  
"That's weird,"  
"You're English, sexy accent, y'know?"  
"Thanks, I guess." I grabbed my pillow from my bag - to which Billie asked if I'd packed the kitchen sink, too - and headed to the door. He bolted upright, looking stricken and vaguely panicked and somehow still very hot.

"Nonono! Wait! Where are you going?" I blinked at him.  
"I was gonna sleep on the settee or something...?" He stood up in silence, the most adorable little frown on his features and stole over to me.  
"What are you- Billie!" I shrieked as he picked me up and sprinted back to his bed, before I could protest, dumping me before landing on top of me, caging me in. The dominating effect was sort of ruined by our laughter.

"Billie! Billie! Oooo Billie!" Tré's voice mocked in a high pitched voice, I dissolved into giggles and by the sound of it so did Tré and Mike in the other room. Billie was scowling, but I could see the playful glint in his eyes,  
"Tré shut the fuck up!" He yelled. I heard Tré's giggles turn into out and out laughter and he screeched back, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I could hear him running around.  
"Oh my god, he's mad," Billie nodded above me, before rolling onto his side, arms snaking around my waist and holding me fast in case I was planning on getting away.  
"Now, where were we? Oh yeah, I was saying why you don't want to sleep out there. Did I mention you'd be at the mercy of Tré all night?" His breath was hot on my ear and his lips, when they pressed against the sensitive skin there were even hotter, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. "No, you're staying right here with me," his voice was lower then, and had a huskier tone to it than he already did.  
"You're staying right here with me!" Tré yelled in an overly deep voice again.  
"TRÉ!" Billie shouted, his voice incredibly loud.  
"BILLIE!" He whined back in imitation of my voice. It went quiet for a while and I could just hear the low mumbling to the other two outside. And Tré occasionally moaning falsely, pretending to be either me or Billie as he reenacted some sex scene, leaving Billie and I in small rounds of giggles. 

The atmosphere had changed. The air still felt charged, but is was overrun by a warming calm. Safety and an ache for sleep. I wiggled out of his arms, at which he whined softly in my ear. I rolled over so I was facing him and used his chest as a pillow, reaching up to kiss the corner of his mouth sweetly. He barely had the energy to catch it, sighed contently and let his arm fall protectively around me, but not before his lips fell lazily on mine one last time. I groaned quietly in appreciation before allowing the warmth and protection he provided and the emotional exhaustion of the day take over and pull me into a sleep.


	5. Forgetting You But Not The Time

I woke up before Billie and even still it was about 10am. I was facing the opposite wall to the way I fell asleep. I'd moved off his chest and he had pulled me incredibly close, his arms wrapped around me as if he was scared I'd leave, our legs entangled and his face was nuzzled into my shoulder, breath gently warming my back. Not that I needed it, his almost naked body provided more than enough heat. I tapped his hands lightly, not wanting to wake him and he grumbled something in his slumber before shifting slightly, releasing me. My phone was lying on the bedside table beside Billie's where I'd abandoned it after a last minute check. I grabbed it and shuffled back so I was sat up, allowing Billie to carry on sleeping. He looked so different like that. He'd taken off the eyeliner and his big eyes were lightly shut, the long lashes overlapping slightly, his face had lost any traces of strain and curled up like he was he looked so...vulnerable. Like he dropped the punk persona and all his insecurities were ruling, and to be honest it was insanely attractive.

There was a text from an unknown number, but I instantly recognised it as Josh's. He'd asked me if I was really leaving. I scowled and shot back a yes and decided to load up the tumblr app to occupy myself for a bit. My phone buzzed again in my hand  
Do u need to come get sum more stuff? I scowled even harder (I scowled a lot) I didn't even want to talk to him.  
Yes, I think so. I'm staying with a friend. They'll drop me off at some point today.  
K ill let u in How did this not drive me mad? Talk about being blinded by love - his text talk was infuriating.  
Gee, thanks.   
Who is ur friend anyway? I snorted at my phone and deleted the conversation. 

I was glad, at least, that I wasn't overly upset about the break up and I guess that was all thanks to Billie, because waking up next to the guy you've been obsessed with for years kind of beats a cheating scumbag, and I was so thankful for that. My last boyfriend had broken up with me for a boy (at least he had the fucking decency to tell me) which was fine except I was in the middle of university and with exam pressure added to it, it sort of sent me on this self-destructive spiral and I put my best friend through hell to get me out of it. At least if I was angry I could just make use of the negative energy and carry on.

I pulled up my camera roll, which was dominated by thousands of pictures of Josh. Now I was torn. I'd met him as a fan, and the first photos of us were fan-photos and the photography course I'd taken a while ago for fun had payed off as I'd used Josh as my muse a lot and I'd got some really attractive photos of him that my fan-self wanted to keep, as well as all the ones of us. The photos were horribly cliché, but they were of a key part in my life, I mean I moved to the other side of the world, it wasn't exactly as if I could just move on and forget he ever happened. 

"Hello," A throaty voice greeted me as arms re-wrapped themselves around my waist and a head landed heavily on my shoulder. His hair was even messier and I could feel it tickling the side of my face as our cheeks brushed against each other. I could feel his steady heartbeat against my back, grounding me. "Hi there," I sighed back happily, a stray hand making its way into his hair to fiddle with the messy strands. He ground his chin into me ever so slightly in response, making me to arch my back into him subconsciously and I could feel a small noise in the back of his throat. His gaze was locked onto the phone in my lap, which I'd quickly turned off. "What are you doing?" He asked. I could feel the words reverberate in his chest and vibrate as he spoke, sending a shiver down my spine, especially as the cheeky bugger pressed his hot lips to the base of my neck and his hand came down to cup mine around the phone. I stammered out a response, more than a little bit distracted, eliciting a chuckle. I turned to face him, 

"Thank you," he cocked his head adorably to the side, a tiny little frown wandering across his features.  
"Why are you thanking me?" His arms tightened around my waist. "You sound like you're leaving," I smiled sadly and gently pushed his hands away.   
"That's because I am, Billie. I can't thank you enough for letting me stay, but I have some things I need to be doing and I can't stay here. You're on tour, and I don't even know you." He scowled at me as I stood up and crossed the room to where my bag was, but he looked more upset than angry.   
"I already said I'd take you to your ex's and y'know..." he tailed off and looked at me, one shoulder raised and an innocent smile fixed on in an unspoken question. Was he...? My eyes widened  
"Billie, I can't,"  
"Why not?" He'd jumped up and was in front of me, hands grasping my wrists. "Why not? I'll take you to his now and then we'll get you set up in here and you can come watch us play tonight and we go tomorrow." I stared at him.  
"Are you mad? I can't just decide one day that I'm going on tour with Green Day."   
"Why not? There's nothing for you here and I bet that's how you ended up here in the first place. Get out and see the world. And hey, if you don't like it y'know, I'll pay for your plane ticket to England and escort you home personally." I nodded slowly, his charming words worming their way into my heart with alarming ease. I couldn't believe myself. This was not me, running away with some green eyed beauty of a stranger. Me would go home and sort things out with Josh and get some financial stability and start again. But I was angry, and perhaps a little intrigued by Billie's offer and this was my favourite band of all time, this was the stuff I dreamt about.

"I'll think about it, okay? Let's just get the rest of my stuff first. Can I use your bathroom?" Billie grinned, clearly pleased that he'd got his own way, and engulfed me in a hug before letting me go,  
"What's mine is yours, baby." He said with a wink that made my stomach churn. I must have gone pale or froze or something because Billie was by my side again, asking if I was okay.   
"I'm sorry, this is so unusual for me. And please don't call me baby." Billie rubbed my back gently,  
"Hey, it's fine. Now put on your sexiest clothes and lets go show that fucker what he's missing!" 

He said with a laugh and wandered off, probably to tell Mike and Tre that I'd be staying with them for a while. I disappeared off into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My pale blonde hair was disheveled and the purple dip-dye had all but faded to a light silver that only caught in the light. There were bags under my eyes and they were rimmed red from crying, but they looked alive and happier than they had in a while. I didn't want to keep Billie waiting and as I'd showered last night, I decided to skip the shower. I did not wear what I'd call my 'sexiest' outfit, but instead of the usual ripped black skinny jeans I wore a pair of light wash high-waist shorts that I'd refused wear before I came to California because I thought they looked too slutty, but here everyone walked about in bikinis so I figured I was okay. I found my favourite crop top, it was vintage white with an American Idiot-like fist on it and has the words FED UP printed across my chest, where it highlighted my boobs nicely. I decided on my bright pink bra because I needed a pick me up and I was determined to draw as much of Josh's attention as I could to what he was missing. I never usually wore makeup but again I was on a look-at-what-you-could-have-had mission and I decided that a bit of mascara and some eyeliner wouldn't do any harm. That and I guess it wouldn't be best to be seen out with a guy who wears more makeup than you. I made my way to the door, grabbing my ancient Docs, they used to be bright raspberry in colour, but I'd had them for forever and they'd faded to a pale pink, the leather dull and soft and familiar and my over-sized army jacket to complete the look, and pottered through the other's rooms making sure to knock. Thankfully neither of them were in there. I got to the lounge area where they were sat with Billie Joe. 

The heads of my three idols all turned to stare at me. I could feel my heart rate begin to race when they still stared a good thirty seconds later. Finally Tré let out a whistle than spoke, a smirk that I knew working its way onto his face, making me squirm.  
"Damn, BJ. You really got something good last night." Billie, who had still been staring at me, opening and closing his mouth as if he was having trouble finding his words finally snapped out of his daze to smack Tré upside the head.   
"It wasn't like that, perv."  
"So she's still up for grabs?" His eyebrows raised and he looked at me hungrily. While I knew, or hoped, that he was only joking to piss off Billie it still made me uncomfortable and I finally shook off my star-struckness and found my voice.  
"I'm right here, guys. I can hear everything you say." Tré just looked at me, a smile that said that's the point plastered across his face. 

Mike was the first to stand up, advancing towards me. I began to wish that I'd put heels on instead because even though Billie was considered 'the short one' I made him look tall, so Mike's height over me was a little intimidating. He stuck his hand out to me with a wry smile. 

"Hi, I'm Mike," I smiled back at him and took his hand. "Lily," He grinned at me.   
"I'm sorry about our friend Tré. He gets like that around hot girls and I think Billie made the understatement of the century when he said you were, and I quote, 'Kinda pretty I guess', you surprised us all." Billie scowled at that point and stood up taking me gently by the waist, brining back that crackling electric feeling.  
"Shall we go, then?" I smiled up at him and nodded.   
"I thought you said it wasn't like that!?" Tré called indignantly and Billie gave him a smug little look.  
"Just because I can keep it in my pants and be a gentleman," they weren't actually fighting, in fact they could hardly get their words out without laughing or collapsing into boyish shouts. Billie decided that we were actually going and I just caught Tré shouting something about it being nice meeting me. 

He guided me to his car, a sporty BMW, I think. "I'm sorry they're such assholes," he said with a fond smile and he looked me up and down again before barking a funny little laugh, "Y'know when I said wear your sexiest outfit I didn't mean it literally," I saw him gulp slightly, and his knuckles flexed and tightened on the wheel. I took in what he was wearing for the first time. He had on black skinny's again, this time with rips in the knees and some black converse type shoes with a fitting black and red striped top and his black denim jacket with the trilogy crosses on it.

"Lily?" I looked up to find his eyes, once again with the black liner staring at me imploringly. "Oh, right. Erm well, I didn't actually and you can't really talk," I mumbled feeling the heat rush up to my cheeks. I heard him chuckle and felt the car start, so I focused on watching out the window. There was a reason I walked everywhere. Billie noticed.  
"Are you alright?" I gave him a tight lipped smile.   
"Fine, I mean I don't really want to go and see him but that's that so I might as well get on with it. Next left. Then right," I told him. He nodded and we arrived much sooner than I'd have liked to. Billie was at the door and holding it open for me, but it was the jolt that shot through me when he touched my elbow lightly that shook me from my trance of staring at the place I used to call home. 

"Ready?"   
"As I'll ever be," I could feel myself scowling and forced a more positive look on my face. Before I knew it Billie's lips were at my ear, gently nuzzling the sensitive tissue as he spoke, "I'm right here and I'll be there the second you need me. And, y'know, you look really great today," and with a final squeeze he retreated, leaving me to go to the door alone.

Steeling myself for the experience I knocked. And waited. And knocked. And waited. And found the key under the mat and let myself in. My pretend confidence flooded out of me faster than you could say platypus as the memories of the day before when I was in exactly the same position. My blood ran cold as I heard a grunt and a thump. I followed the noise down the hallway to our old room. I had no choice but to enter, even though my system was screaming to run and never look back because there was no mistaking that guttural moan that turned into a shout. 

I pushed the door open to see the same scene as yesterday. A part of me wanted to curl up in Billie's arms and sob while blasting his albums, but I could feel a slow burning taking over me. At least I didn't fuck Billie knowing that Josh could be coming round at any time. 

"Jesus Christ, you couldn't even wait for me to clear out."


	6. Jealousy Mixing Up With A Violent Mind

"Lily," Josh stammered and I found myself laughing humourlessly "I wasn't expecting you so early," I couldn't believe him.  
"I can tell," I snapped dryly. He went to apologise but I cut him off. "You know what? Just don't talk to me, okay? My friend will help me if I need it." And with that I turned and left the room to get what I could find. 

Like I said, I didn't own much in Josh's house, but that didn't mean I couldn't take what we shared. Grabbing a cardboard box I made my way over to our extensive record collection that we'd built together, fuck you I thought, he didn't deserve half of my stuff. I took the Green Day discography as well as pretty much all of the punk, alternative and classic rock stuff which included some very valuable Beatles and other collectibles. I also took a lot of the films too because they were mostly mine. I'd lived alone in England so had an alarming amount of movies and music to occupy my time. I went back for another cardboard box and filled it with the DVDs before realising that I was weak and couldn't lift the damn thing up, let alone carry it to the car. I made my way back to the front of the house where Billie came bounding to greet me from where he was leaning on his car messing with his phone.   
"You okay?"   
"Great. He's just fucking that girl right now so can you give me a hand with the boxes?"   
"What a scumbag," he muttered, following me back to get the box. 

"Dammit girl, how many chick flicks do you think we're gonna be watching?" I laughed at him  
"I don't care. I'm not leaving anything I payed at least half for. Except for that vase. I don't even know what I was thinking that day," I laughed at the ugly vase, Josh could keep that in memory of me or something. Personally, I wanted to forget him and I doubted that it would be a good idea to keep anything breakable on the bus with the loose canon called Tré throwing himself around. We'd just put the boxes in the car and I was heading back to the house when I ran into Josh. Literally. I sashayed past him, completely blanking him. He followed me. 

"Lily, I'm sorry about earlier-" he began   
"I get it. You two are having some crazy finally-free love fest and can't control yourselves because you have some fantastic spark blah, blah, blah." I stalked up the stairs, Josh hot on my heels. "Lil, I never meant for it to end like this between us, but-"   
"But what, Josh? You never found the right time? You weren't expecting me home then? I come home from work at five everyday. It's not really a shock."   
"Stop being so stubborn! I mean it, I just wanted to tell you that I thought we lost spark and maybe we'd be better off as friends, like in the old times,"   
"It was a year ago, not the sixteenth century."   
"What I'm saying is that I don't want you to hate me," I scoffed.  
"Bit late, mate." I said shortly, finding my glasses and putting them on, sighing as the world shot back into focus, my head was aching from trying to focus my blurry vision all day. I went to the bathroom throwing the last of my toiletries into a bag.   
"Who is your friend, anyway?"  
"A really great person," 

I found my way back to the bedroom with another box as I began loading up my books, which was a lot and I was pretty sure Billie had most of them, but that was besides the point.   
"Yeah but who?" Josh kept asking.   
"Why do you care? Don't you have a bunny around somewhere that needs fucking?"   
"Because, Lily, I do still care about you," I snorted, but Josh continued "And Chloë has gone home, she feels nervous around you,"   
"Good," I muttered and rolled my eyes.   
"Lily, just tell me you're not going to get into any trouble, please," Josh begged, he was really pissing me off and I wanted nothing to do with him.   
"I'm fine, not that it's your business."   
"Can't you just tell me who it is? If its a guy I'm not gonna get mad at you for moving on," I had to laugh at that  
"If you did I'd go apeshit because if that's not hypocrisy then I'm not seeing Billie Joe Armstrong." I snapped offhandedly.

"Wait, what?" Josh called as I hefted my books up (and promptly dropped them) "Here, let me get that,"   
"Don't touch my things," I hissed.   
"Billie Joe Armstrong as in Green Day Billie Joe? No way, did you meet him at the concert? Course you didn't. You're just bullshitting me. Lily? Lily, where are you going?" He followed me down the hall, calling to my retreating back. Billie was already there, leaning casually against the open front door. He looked up and grinned when he saw me, a troublesome glint flashing across his beautiful eyes. 

"Hey, sexy," He stepped forward, puling me to him carelessly by the waist, making sure that the kiss he planted on my cheek was visible. "Dammit girl you look even cuter with those glasses," I laughed at him, but wasn't quite sure what to do.   
"I have a box," I stated lamely, but he nodded and followed me, keeping his hand on the small of my back. I didn't need to turn around to know that he'd given Josh a look. When he saw the box with all my books, which was on the larger side he just smirked at me. "Y'know there's something undeniably hot about a girl who reads," he said sending me a wink, "You think so?" He was talking to Josh, who, for a celebrity, seemed to be struggling with the idea that Billie was there and made a fool of himself stammering out nonsense. Truth be told, Josh hated the idea that I'd spend hours in my room with my nose buried in a novel. We went out to the car and while Billie was shuffling about getting all my stuff into the boot I turned to face Josh. 

"Well this is it,"  
"Lily," he began  
"What?"  
"Please don't make this bitter," I rolled my eyes. How could I not be bitter? He cheated on me and had the audacity to ask me not to be bitter.  
"Whatever. I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for charming me into coming here and wasting six months of my life because if I hadn't I wouldn't have met that guy."  
"Lily,"  
"Ready to go?" Josh and Billie spoke to be at the same time. I sent Josh a flashing smile and joined Billie by the door where he'd reappeared. 

"Thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great." I quoted my one of my other favourite bands, turned on my heel and followed Billie to the car. I was about to open the door and jump in when I found myself pinned against it, hot lips attacking mine. This wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before, a tongue was pushing its way into my mouth before I'd processed what was going on, I swear I had a handprint on my waist from the feel of things and the one that was tangled in my hair was better than ever, pulling but not hurting with a casual expertise. My brain caught up with my body, which had instinctively curled into his and I recoiled despite the lightening storm in the pit of my stomach and the teeth dragged tantalisingly across my lips. 

"Billie!" He grinned cheekily and opened my door before silently opening my door and sliding into his side. He refused to speak and just sat there smiling until we pulled out of the driveway and were on the road. "He saw that, didn't he?" I could hear the smirk in his tone.  
"Yes." He gave a devilish grin,  
"Good."  
"What the hell were you thinking? What on Earth are you playing at?"   
"What do you mean?" He looked a bit worried that I was freaking out.   
"You were being all possessive, you never said anything about all the kissing in front of him. In fact, I don't even think kissing was mentioned!" He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair and I could feel my jaw locking in urge to run my own hands through his hair. He was still smiling.

"The asshole deserved it. Lunch?"   
"What?"  
"Do you, y'know, wanna grab lunch with me?"   
"Actually I was just going to starve," I said lightly, rolling my eyes pretending to still be mad at him. Billie Joe was one of those people that it was simply impossible to stay mad at for long.  
"Alright, smartass, its either lunch with me or Mike and Tré."   
"I'll think about it," I teased even though we both knew I was desperate to go with him. One hand found its way onto my thigh like he'd done at the pub last night and it felt like a bolt of lightening flew through my lower abdomen and that look on his face wasn't helping at all. 

I thought Billie would take me to a Starbucks or one of those Olive Garden places that were everywhere. I did not expect him to drive out to this tiny little place that I'd never noticed before. He led me inside, his hand back on the small of my back again and found us a table at the back corner. The place was amazing. It was small, but quaint and it was decorated like a Hard Rock Cafe with flyers and instruments and items of clothing etc everywhere with low-level lighting and soft rock playing in the background, at the time it was an old Beatles record. "Wow," I muttered as a waitress came up to us and spoke in an accent I knew. Billie looked at me expectantly.   
"She was English?" He grinned and nodded.  
"The place is run by an English family, y'know, check out the menu," I did and holy crap all I could see was my comfort food, stuff that brought back memories of bounding in from school or wherever I'd been to a plate of my mum's home cooking. I felt like I was going to cry. Billie reached over and took hold of my hand gently,  
"Are you okay?" I nodded, barely able to get my words out.  
"I - yeah. I just, this was so sweet of you," Billie shrugged.  
"It's nothing. I mean, you had a pretty rough morning, I thought you could use a little comfort food, y'know?" I smiled at him again and nodded my thanks, my voice small. It didn't take me thirty seconds to order the old favourite, bangers and mash. Billie grinned in approval.   
"I like a girl that eats," he grinned and I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. He was so perfect, and so lovely I was struggling to cope, I barely knew him and he was already treating me far better than Josh. 

We ate pretty much in silence, both of us hungrier than we realised, only passing the occasional comment. Once we'd finished Billie didn't hesitate in ordering ice cream which came in two tall glasses. I grinned at him with childlike delight, there was something about ice cream sundaes that turned me into a three year old. Billie watched me intently for a few minutes, a far away smile on his face.   
"What?" I finally asked, beginning to feel awkward. He sent me a bashful smile.   
"You're so beautiful," I bit my lip and looked down, I was never good at taking compliments.   
"You're not so bad yourself," I murmured. He let out a hearty laugh and I couldn't help but stare at him, mesmerised. He had his head thrown back exposing his neck, his messy hair was flopping backwards with a smile that was pure joy. I don't think Billie had ever been as attractive as he was in that moment, with no preservations or images that he had to meet. 

"God, that Josh kid was an idiot. If I had a girl half a good as you I'd consider it a miracle and he let you go!" I didn't know how to respond so I took a spoonful of ice cream instead, twirling the overly long spoon in my mouth distractedly. Billie's gaze turned to me once again and I saw him gulp slightly and shift.  
"You okay?" I asked with another spoonful. Billie hardly touched his.   
"I - yeah," he stuttered, but shifted again as if he was uncomfortable and I didn't miss those emerald eyes flicker downwards and linger there. 

"Billie, my eyes are up here," I said with a smile, at least I knew my wardrobe choice had been successful. His eyes flew to meet mine with mischievous glitter. I noticed how his pale green irises were a much deeper, richer colour with something unreadable behind it. He sent me a shameless smile.   
"Sorry,"   
"No you're not." I pointed out and he laughed again, but this time his voice sounded restricted and it was shorter.   
We ate in silence again, or at least I did. Billie hardly touched his ice cream and his shiftiness became a near constant movement, his eyes flicking all over the place, rarely landing on me. I wondered if I'd done something to upset him. And with half an ice cream left I was seriously worrying that something was very wrong. 

"Billie are you sure everything's okay?" I asked and with a pained expression his eyes met mine, visibly darkening and his pupils dilating. 

"Oh fuck it," he muttered and violently threw a handful of notes onto the table before standing up and dragging me with him.


	7. I Drop Your Laundry And Slam The Door

"Fuck," he hissed, jangling the key in the lock. Eventually it swung open and he barged in, still dragging me with him.

Billie pushed me firmly onto the sofa and was immediately on top of me, pulling my shirt over my head. He found my lips at last, pressing onto me hungrily like I might vanish if he didn't. His tongue swiftly pushed through my lips, not even asking permission. He didn't need to. It was a mess of clashing tongues and teeth with neither of us coordinated enough to care, but somehow it was the most arousing thing. My hands that had been tugging rather roughly on the tufts of jet black hair traveled down his shoulders as I pushed the jacket off, the noise he made in response was very attractive. It wasn't quite a moan, sort of just a low grunt as he shrugged his jacket off and yanked his t-shirt over his head. 

With our lips once again attached sloppily he ground his hips down onto my own, giving me graphic detail of exactly what was upsetting him at the restaurant. The friction sent a rush of moans and profanities into the air from both of us as he did it again, rolling forcefully onto me so I could feel everything. And bloody hell I would be lying if I said I wasn't loving it. 

Out of nowhere his hands found my ass, squeezing me firmly before moaning into my mouth and quickly lifting me so I was straddling him as he stood up and lead me towards the bedroom. Billie might have started this, but I wasn't helping at all. As he was fighting and cursing to get through Tré and Mike's rooms I was constantly attached to his neck, peppering kisses everywhere I could reach. 

We almost fell over as we stumbled through the door to his room. He laid, well threw, me down on the bed, my shorts disappearing across the other side of the room swiftly afterwards and began to slide his mouth across amy neck in payback, sending my eyes into the back of my skull and hm mouth slacked a little with pure pleasure.   
"You didn't think you'd get away with it, did you?" his voice was gruff and demanding and I wasn't sure what he was talking about. My hands were running up and down his back, slick with a thin sheen of sweat and down to his studded belt. "Looking like that?" he continued "Jesus, girl, I could've had you on the car back there." There was an edge in his voice and I moved my hands around to his front, but instead of unclasping the belt I let my fingers flicker below the clasp barely touching the very obvious bulge in his skinny jeans. He growled, "And then at that fucking restaurant with the fucking spoon," his voice dropped an octave, lower than ever. My lips attached to his neck as I did it again, lingering there, pressing my fingers into his hardness properly and holy fuck the noise he made was animalistic.

"Fuck this, I'm gonna cum in my pants like a fucking twelve year old," he growled at me, grabbing my hand, pushing it onto his belt buckle demandingly. I fiddled with the clasp as he swore and bit gently on my shoulder and the second I had it off he was pushing his hips into my hands, begging me soundlessly to remove the jeans as well, which was a lot easier than it sounded. Billie was in a complete state and the second I made contact with him he was off cursing and bucking uncontrollably. I managed to push the button through the hole, but I had to press down hard to find his zip. "Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm gonna-" he mumbled into my neck, sentence trailing off in a released hiss as the jeans disappeared and he regained control. His hands found my bra and it was unclasped with expertise. His hands grazed over my breasts once before travelling down to my pants and they were pulled off in one swift movement. I kept myself together by biting down on his shoulder, which judging by the rumbling guttural groan he enjoyed. He pulled himself back up to my lips as my hands were dipping into the rim of his boxers. I dragged them down, feeling a small damp spot and realising just how close Billie actually was.

His lips fell off mine and began to move frantically along my jawline. I was busy exploring the sensitive flesh of his earlobe where I whispered,  
"Protection," he growled and continued to grind down onto me, my hips rolling up to meet him finally getting the friction I was craving. "Seriously," I moaned when he clearly was avoiding it, but I didn't sound very convincing saying how much we were both desperate for release right then. Billie surprised me by pulling away and reaching into his draw, flashing a condom at me with a toothy grin. I went to take it from him, but he pulled away, hot breath on my ear and lips tickling the lobe,

"If you want anything you're gonna have to let me do this," my stomach twisted even more at the thought of what was to come, showing my acknowledgement by planting a kiss on his temple, almost in his beautiful hair. All of a sudden he was hovering above me, I could feel him getting into position to push into me, peppering kisses all along my upper body, when there was a knocking on the door. Billie's expression of lust and what I think was neediness quickly turned to a glower. 

"Billie, I know what you're doing bro and I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have a sound check in fifteen," Mile's voice floated through the door.   
"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Billie's expression darkened dangerously. "Alright, thanks, bro." He spoke bitterly through to Mike, before turning to me apologetically. I felt bad for the guy. He was still rock hard and desperately needed a release. "Billie?" He looked at me, back in gentleman mode, his eyes never left my face even though we were both stark naked. "Do you want me to-?" He looked...deflated.   
"No, no. That's not fair, y'know? I'm not letting you get me off and then leaving you in a state. No. I'll jump in the shower," and he stood up. 

He was about to head to the shower when he leaned over me, whispering into my ear,  
"Besides, that way it'll feel so much better later, y'know?" My insides churned and my system lurched.   
"Later?" I squeaked.   
"Darlin' I'm not gonna leave you hangin' like that," he smirked and waltzed off to the shower, leaving me to get dressed alone. 

The lightening storm in my stomach had subsided, but the air was still thick and I suppressed a giggle as I noticed that we'd managed to steam up the window. There was what felt like a ball in my lower abdomen, pressing and swelling uncomfortably. Looks like Billie wasn't the only one who needed some help. I stretched as I heard the shower start and redressed in an old t-shirt with an oversized hoodie and some jogging bottoms. I decided to leave Billie in peace and wandered through to the living space. 

Mike was there and I felt the heat rush to my cheeks immediately.   
"Oh, hey Lily," he smiled. I couldn't help but like Mike. He had a sort of stillness about him, even in this crazy punk world, that made him seem approachable and wise.   
"Hi," I found myself looking at the floor, my voice embarrassingly small.   
"Why don't you come watch TV with me?" Mike asked gently inviting me to sit down. I did, tentatively.   
"I'm sorry," I started. Mike turned to me with a soft smile.   
"Why are you sorry? For human instinct? It's fine, Lils. Don't think we're not used to it."   
"Still," I started but Mike cut me off.   
"Still nothing. I don't mind, honestly. I mean if Tré was here, we'd have a much bigger problem, but he's not. So relax." Mike and I sat in comfortable silence until Billie appeared. 

"Oh there you are," he said to me before turning to Mike with a wicked grin. "Alright asshole lets go," Mike grinned back at him which resulted in a friendly game of who-can-get-who-in-a-headlock-first. Mike won. Billie looked to me from in Mike's arms, "Oh! Do you want me to put your stuff in the back? Then you can chill here for a bit? I mean you could come with us I guess, but sound checks and all that shit is really boring, y'know?" The glint in his eyes said the next part for him and I don't want you there because I can't control myself around you.   
"Yeah, that sounds nice. I could use some time to myself if I'm going to be stuck with you for god knows how long." I said, mocking disgust. Billie laughed with me.   
"Wait, what?" Mike looked between the two of us. Billie didn't even falter.  
"Oh, dude, y'know Lil broke up with that kid? Well she doesn't have anywhere else to go so I said she could come with us,"   
"Come with us where, Billie?" Mike asked calmly, I couldn't work out if he was angry or what.  
"On tour," Billie Joe's voice was dragged out and deadpan, like he was explaining to a child. Mike sighed and rolled his eyes.   
"Man, you've forgotten life again. Dude, we play in Oakland next week to finish the tour. It's almost over."   
"Oh," Billie's voice was soft, he turned to me with an almost giddy smile, unfazed by the change in situation. "Come with me?"  
"Mike just said-"  
"At my house. Come live with me."   
"Billie, I - I don't know,"   
"My offer still stands. Try it out and if you don't like it I'll pay to get you to wherever you want to go." I looked at him bewilderedly. Mike saw my undecidedness and stepped in.   
"Bill, why don't you go get those boxes for Lily?"  
"Oh, right," and like that he disappeared off, almost skipping and humming loudly. 

Mike chuckled at his friend and turned to me. "I know what you're thinking." I raised an eyebrow at him. "You're worried because you've known the guy for less than twenty-four hours and he's asking you to move in with him and apart from him being a world famous singer you know nothing about his personality or what he's like."   
"Well, yeah. I don't really want to end up raped and murdered," Mike chuckled lowly, I was starting to notice that Mike did a lot of chuckling.  
"Of course you don't. And I'm not trying to convince you either way, okay? But Billie and I go way back. Like school years back. He's my best friend and I know him better than I know myself. And I promise you, Bill's not like this. I've never seen him be so gentlemanly towards girls, I mean he's charming alright and he makes a good boyfriend, don't get my wrong, but he's going miles out of his way here to help you and make you feel at home. And in all my years of knowing him he's never invited a girl back to his house before, let alone to stay there." I was speechless as Mike threw the gravity of Billie's offer into perspective.   
"Oh wow. Thanks Mike," I said quietly. He patted my shoulder with a small smile.   
"Just something to think about," and he walked out passed me. 

Billie reappeared with all three boxes, a silly grin still fixed in place.   
"Alright, Superman?" I asked mockingly at his display of strength, he laughed from behind the boxes and put them down before quickly explaining poorly how to work the stove (I had a feeling I knew how to use it better than him) and the TV. He even gave me the keys to his car in case I wanted to go out.   
"We're there - look. You can see the arena, y'know? So you need anything just go through to where we played last night. I'll be like four hours-ish and then we'll come back for costume and makeup okay?"   
"Yes, Billie. Now go and stop stressing, I'll be fine," he pulled me into a hug.   
"Okay, just don't do anything I wouldn't," I stared at him, deadpan.  
"That's basically nothing," He let out a short, sharp laugh, before leaning in close to my ear.  
"Okay then, don't do anything that I wouldn't want to miss," he pulled away shooting me a wink before kissing my cheek and leaving. "Be good!" His voice drifted back to me.

Four hours. Four hours wasn't that long, but I was bored and I had the keys to a very nice BMW and a lot of now useless energy that might as well be exercised. I disappeared back into Billie's room and threw on a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt with a blue and pink ying-yang and a blue and white flannel before disappearing off the bus. I had a bit of a fight with the door but eventually managed to lock it and get into the car. As someone who wasn't obsessed with cars, I still got a kick out of driving the sleek machine five minutes down the road to the nearest supermarket. To be honest I could have walked like I did usually, but I just wanted to play with the shiny car. In my defence it was very shiny and it smelt like Billie.

Unlike every other female on the planet, I didn't enjoy shopping and so was in and out very quickly with only the essentials. When I got back with my bags, I began to put things away. I hadn't been able to buy much, but got something other than microwave meals for the boys before getting out my teabags and m&ms to settle down and watch a movie. "Where the fuck is the kettle?" I muttered. They didn't have a goddamn kettle. I ended up heating the water in the microwave, a sacrilege to the British, but tea was tea and I needed it. Once settled down with my cuppa, munching my way through the sugar-shelled chocolate nuts and armed with all my favourite films, a Harry Potter marathon was soon underway. 

~~~~~

"GET THE FUCK UP!" A voice screeched in my ear, I bolted upright, knocking an empty mug and packet to the floor. I found myself looking around blearily.   
"Wha-?" I barely managed to talk, my voice was thick and stuck in my throat. I looked up at the TV to see that I was halfway through the Prisoner Of Azkaban, not where I left off. Oh. Oh, I fell asleep. Tré was laughing his ass off on the floor behind me.  
"I thought you were dead!" He wheezed. I swallowed a few times, my mind hazy from sleep I was struggling to put one and one together."What?" I asked again "I'm not dead," I began to explain, but Tré was just giggling more.  
"Man, you were passed out, nothing was waking you up!"  
"Wha- why were you trying to wake me up?" I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision, still unable to wrap my mind around everything. Suddenly, I was grabbed from behind and pulled back down onto the settee into a familiar body.

"Leave her alone, Tré. British people can't wake up," Billie laughed softly. I struggled away from Billie and made my way unsteadily to the bedrooms.  
"Fuck off, I'm going back to bed," I whined, joking but at the same time semi-serious. I hadn't slept like that in a long time and my body, once recovered from the how-many-centuries-have-passed feeling of unexpected naps was once again craving deep sleep.   
"You can't go to sleep now!" Billie stopped me. I gave him a blank look. "We're playing a show!"  
"I'm not," I pointed out, struggling to see where this was going. Billie rolled his eyes in an overdramatic gesture.   
"No, but VIP guests don't usually sleep through shows."

~~~~

So I did a thing...

This is the first time I've ever written something a bit smutty so I'd really appreciate feedback. Did you guys like it? Do you think I got the tone right? Was it too long? Too short? Would you like to read a full on scene later in this story??

Please please please feedback, I'm really nervous about publishing this!

I love you guys so much and I value your opinions sooo much :)

Love always  
Shadow xx


	8. Here We Go Again

I felt myself freeze and my eyes go wide. Billie stared at me, blinking expectantly. 

"V-VIP?" I chocked out eventually. My head was spinning. I already saw their show, why would he invite me again? And why - no how on Earth did I qualify as a VIP guest? I'd known Billie less than 24 hours and I'd already agreed to move in with him. Wow, thinking about it I was so shallow.   
"Lily!" A hand was waving in front of my face, my eyes trailed up the arm connected to the hand and up to Billie's face.  
"Hey there, you blanked out for a minute." He spoke softly, as if he was a little scared of startling me, in fact I was so overwhelmed I couldn't actually speak. I nodded slowly at him, my mind working double time to comprehend the offer. "Lil?" Billie asked again, gently grabbing me by my shoulders and steering me to his bed. "Lily are you okay?"   
"I-yeah, sorry." I mumbled. "Just, VIP?" Billie grinned playfully at me.   
"Yeah, VIP. Y'know, where you come and watch from the best spot and then chill backstage with us? Y'know, saying as I know you personally now, it'd be rude not to invite you,"   
"But I just saw you guys play last night?" I felt like my brain was in slow motion, I just couldn't comprehend everything that had gone on. I had gone from being stable and happy, if not slightly safe to meeting the frontman of my favourite band, staying with him, almost sleeping with him and now being offered to watch the best band in the history of music in the VIP sector. 

Out of nowhere soft and fast becoming familiar lips pressed onto my own, shortly and sweetly before pulling away. Billie was looking at me, giving me that slightly dopey smile that I was fast growing to adore. His smile was soft and far away, something new clouding his eyes.  
"So? I'm playing again, come see me and then you can really get to know my life. And don't even bullshit me we're your favourite band and you can't believe your luck right now." His smile turned troublesome and there was no way I could not react. I lunged at him, pushing my lips against his cheek, or at least aiming to, until he turned his head, capturing my lips with a smirk. I pulled away laughing. "You cheeky bugger!" He pulled away laughing, before helping me up. 

"Just put something nice on," a hot mouth found my ear, lips fumbling at the sensitive flesh there, sending shivers down my spine as arms encircled my waist. "Except maybe not those shorts, huh? Those legs are mine," feeling his hands travel down to my ass, I pulled away slightly, teasing him.

"You don't own me Billie, I can wear what I want to," I teased, my voice all but serious his face cracked into a grin.  
"I know, I know. But, just because, y'know, I don't want to, y'know, have to have you up on that damn stage. That, definitely is for my eyes only." I found my face flushing at the thought of earlier and I didn't realise that my hands had come up to cover my burning face until my hands were removed gently and there were green eyes and a big smirk right in front of my face. "Okay, not the shorts. Got it," Billie Joe just pushed his lips against mine again. We kissed an awful lot for a couple who weren't dating. He pressed something into my hand and disappeared off to the other bus. 

It was a backstage pass. 

There was no way I was missing this opportunity so I began rummaging through my backpack to find something to wear. I felt like I owned nothing and was quickly becoming irritated. Why was I being so stressy about this? Billie Joe already made it more than clear that he liked what I wore and I'd already met Mike and Tré who approved or at least didn't care. I ended up in my best pair of black ripped skinnies and my favourite Green Day shirt. It was a lose fitting grey crop top that just showed my belly button if I stretched slightly with little faded comics of the songs on Dookie. I put my black leather jacket over the top of it and fished out my red converse to add some colour. I decided to be lazy and left my hair in its natural half wavy state, just fastening it back with a black flower crown. I touched up my eye makeup from earlier and applied a little more foundation, after much cursing at my lack of skill with makeup I was ready to go. 

I had just sat down, rummaging through my book box until I found my dog-eared copy of Harry Potter and the The Goblet Of Fire which was my all time favourite novel ever and a good way to forget time, when there was a knock at the door. I opened it, about to start telling Billie that it was his room and he didn't have to knock when I was taken aback. The guy at the door was not, in fact, Billie. 

This guy was roughly the same height, maybe a little taller, but with squared shoulders and a strong, stocky figure. He had fading green hair that was gelled messily on top of his head, or at least had once been neatly until he'd run around and ruined it. He had on a black and white striped shirt with a red and white striped tie, schoolboy shorts and what looked like bowling shoes with red stockings. Tré grinned at me.

"Mi' lady," he said in the worst English accent I'd ever heard. I dissolved into fits of laughter to which Tré grinned proudly. "I've come to escort you," he offered me his arm in an over-pronounced gesture that matched his voice. I looped my arm through his and he led me through the bus and across the car park.   
"Where's Billie?" I asked. Tré laughed, "Don't worry your boyfriend's waiting for you inside. He sent me, his expendable peasant, to fetch you because clearly I'm a less valuable life and can therefore get mobbed by savages to protect you," I laughed at his over exaggerated speech and continued my half jog to keep in time with Tré's bouncy step. "And he doesn't like anyone to talk to him before a show. He even freezes me and Mike out," Tré added casually, and pulled a stupid face. 

Tré was a great ball of energy and it took us an age to get across the car park. I always thought Green Day got mobbed by fans, but every time Tré spotted some fans he was the one that went shrieking like an eleven-year-old girl as he sprinted over to them, yelling something about "My fans! My adoring fans!" as he hugged and took photos and autographs. There was something about him that made it impossible not to like him, it would be like disliking a hyperactive puppy. Wrong on all levels. Once Tré's attention was back on me he fell into step with my paces, grinning at a security guard as he skipped past him, dragging me with him before I could show him my pass. 

"Tré wait, I didn't show him my pass!" I called as Tré skipped on. He turned to me with a giggle,  
"What's life without a little risk?" He laughed and literally bounced off a wall. He quickly came running back to me, almost bowling me over in his excitement. He waggled his eyebrows at me. "So, how's Billie?"   
"I don't know, he's your bandmate," I responded. Tré looked at me with narrowed eyes, before nodding like he was some detective that had just caught a clue.  
"Oh you wanna play innocent? You and I both know I don't mean like that," I cocked an eyebrow at him, I knew exactly what he meant and two could play at that game.   
"Well I don't know what you mean," I teased back in the same voice, "I have no idea how Billie is, he's not my boyfriend." Tré snorted at me. He muttered,  
"That's what you think, Billie!" His voice rose as he ran into his bandmate. Billie moved easily with Tré's momentum, clearly running into people was something Tré did a lot. He disappeared skipping off singing for Mike and Billie's eyes found me. I noticed his gaze sweeping over me. He was wearing the same as the other night, the black-shirt-red-tie combo from American Idiot with his sliver studded belt and black jeans, these ones had a rip in the knee and his beat up black chucks. 

"You look great," I hardly heard his voice as he came over, his arm wrapped around my waist and squeezed me gently into his side. I leaned into him, feeling the welcome crackle of electricity and relishing the way my body moulded into his taller frame perfectly. "Well I can't say the same about you," I teased, he feigned a hurt look and I pushed him gently as he led me through to their green room. "I'm damn sexy, I know," he laughed but I went quiet, feeling my cheeks heat up. "You took the words right out of my mouth," I muttered and heard his laugh echo richly in response, his arm tightening around me before letting go. 

"Okay, so this is the green room. Now, y'know, not even the VIPs get to see in here, so be prepared for, um, anything," he grinned and pushed the door open. 

The first thing I heard was an animalistic shriek as the human canonball came thundering past me. Mike was sat in a corner, giggling at Tré who was behaving like a five-year-old who had too much energy, absentmindedly strumming a guitar and shouting occasional words of encouragement to his friend. I saw a pair of drumsticks in the hands of the blur that was Tré and I realised that he was using the room as a drumkit, ignoring the one set up in the corner for him as he tapped, well more like smashed, on anything he could reach. Billie told me to help myself to whatever I felt like before jumping in with the chaos. He grabbed a guitar and began to play something random. Mike joined in, singing something in a drunken, deliberately slurred voice that I couldn't make out.

The energy in the room grew to a point where I felt like I was going to explode and I was just watching. There was something captivating about their warm up. They closed ranks in a tight circle, bouncing up and down as they constantly rotated, Billie's guitar keeping rhythm. Their vocals started off semi-sensible with Billie and Mike warbling through octaves and scales and hitting notes, but was quickly dissolving into random shouts and noises and, you guessed it, moans. Which of course had them laughing like a bunch of immature teenagers.

They separated again to Billie shouting, "Are you fucking ready!?" And them hollering in response. The security guy tapped me on the shoulder and I turned reluctantly to be escorted out to the front of the stage.   
"Wait!" Billie cried running to me. He stopped in front of me and I could see his body vibrating with excitement. My eyebrows quirked upwards in question as he held out a small pencil to me with a grin.   
"Billie, what?" He pushed the pencil into my hand.  
"I forgot to do it earlier and now I'm shaking, can you?" Tré whistled loudly off to the side. I found myself laughing as Billie ducked down in front of me.   
"Okay, look up," I murmured, trying to ignore the intensity of Billie's stare as I dragged the eyeliner thickly under his eyes. "Look down," my voice was barely audible, but it didn't matter because the familiar hum in Billie's throat said he heard.   
"Done," he stood up, back to his full height so he was looking down on me, eyes now intensely lined. He shot me a small smile.   
"Enjoy the show," 

~~~~~

The buzz this time was so much bigger, when I wasn't worrying about where I'd sleep and what Josh did. Knowing that the guy up there knew me, that Billie was my, um, friend. The lights dimmed down as my pulse began to race and three balls of energy exploded on stage. The performance started as it did last night, except I noticed Billie was looking in my direction a lot more than last night. The show changed for me when Billie jumped into the crowd. 

His eyes flicked left to right and I noticed them land on me. Immediately he was in the crowd, dancing badly with me, one hand on the microphone as he belted out the lyrics to 8th Avenue Serenade, twirling me into him as he sang,  
"Meet me at the bathroom stall.   
Meet me at the whispering wall," kissing me on the cheek as he left back on stage, leaving me in shock and the girls around me screaming with jealousy. 

Watching Billie Joe play, it was mesmerising. The effort he put into everything he did, from his music to his ridiculous dancing and his enormous love for fans. He created a rhythm that was hypnotic and I couldn't tear my eyes away. Every look, every smile and glance and wink sent that bolting feeling through my stomach, setting my nerves on fire. Setting everything alight. I'd felt that feeling before. That feeling of the world shifting into focus, sharpening around him. That feeling that everything he did became the best thing in the world. 

The last time I felt that was when I realised I had fallen in love with Josh. 

~~~~~~  
Ugh I hate this chapter so much and I don't know why :/   
It drove me mad to write but there you go, it's done now. 

Did you guys like it or was it a bit dull? How do you like the story so far?

Yeah so that's that. Working on the next chapter now :) 

Shadow x


	9. This May Sound A Little Rough

I was knocked off my feet suddenly as a great force collided with my body. 

At first I thought I had been hit by a cannonball, but I knew that cannonballs did not have arms and could not pick me up and spin me round. Neither did they have great masses of unruly black hair or smell like Billie Joe Armstrong. I gave a small shriek, but as soon as I felt Billie's hands on my hips, my legs came up to wrap around his narrow waist and I clung onto him as hard as he was clinging onto me. We span around for an eternity, or at least until a loud wolf whistle from Tré or Mike startled him into moving. He placed me down gently and I felt hot chapped lips press against my cheek as he moved away, hands still resting on my shoulders. 

He looked so beautiful right then that it was actually annoying me. His eyes were the brightest I'd ever seen them, standing out even more so against the kohl liner that I had applied, his hair was half wet and matted to his forehead with sweat, sticking up in some places and flattened down in others from where sweaty palms had been shoved through it, his face was shining with sweat, red discolouring his cheeks, full lips were chapped and dry from singing, pulled back in the biggest smile, his crooked front teeth on full display. His top was two shades darker, drenched in sweat and his jeans clung to him, closer than usual and must have been so uncomfortable. The adrenaline high he was riding from the gig seemed to make his whole body glow and hum. I didn't understand how it was possible for someone to look so stunning and, let's be honest, fuckable in such an imperfect way. 

Somewhere, deep down, I felt that unsatisfied ball from earlier begin to stir. No, I told myself, not now.

"You were amazing!" I told him, while trying not to freak out too much. My mind was in overdrive and even though I could feel my chest starting to crush down from being overwhelmed, I blatantly ignored it as I launched myself at Tré and Mike, hugging them as well in congratulations. "You all were! Mike when you did that thing!" I imitated on of Mike bass jumps, and failed, much to everyone's amusement "And Tré!!" I babbled on unable to control my excitement anymore. Tré and Mike were stood, watching me, vaguely amused and very smug while I deliberately left Billie out of the praise. 

I wasn't lying about how much I adored Mike and Tré, but I was testing my waters with Billie, I was more than a little intrigued as to how keen he was for my attention. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him scowling and his mouth forming a pout at the neglect. I'd almost ran out of things to say, after having given a blow-by-blow account of the show to the ones who played it when Billie finally interrupted,  
"What about me?" He was still pouting so I did the only thing my narrow, cloudy mind could do. I leant up and kissed the pout straight off his face. He caught my lips for a second, before quickly pulling away with a short smile.  
"You were my favourite," I murmured in his ear, nipping at the soft lobe. 

Billie Joe pulled away from me with a funny expression. He looked as if he was in pain. I tried not be hurt, to ignore the stinging pain of rejection. I tried to not make a big deal out of it. He pulled away. So what? Maybe he was embarrassed because Tré and Mike were watching. Maybe he had another problem, but I couldn't help be worried. That look. That was different. Something was wrong. 

Tré's voice stopped my thoughts. "Lily? If you're done fantasising about me, we can go home." Billie punched him, hard. Harder than usual. Tré, being Tré bounced back with some comment about jealousy and skipped off, but I saw him wince and his expression changed for a second, allowing a flicker of shock and pain to cross his features at Billie's behaviour. I looked to Billie, who was looking anywhere but me and was taking a great interest in the carpet beneath our feet.   
"Billie?" My voice was irritatingly weak and tentative.   
"What?" His voice matched his scowl and I could feel myself wincing away from him.   
"Did Tré just say home?"   
"Yeah. We'll be home, at my house. Like I told you." I tried desperately to ignore the deep cuts in my chest that his harsh words caused, strikingly different from seconds ago when he was all over me.  
"Right," I bowed my head and ducked out of the room, leaving Billie to stew in his impromptu bad mood, beginning to panic that I had taken my test too far and now he wanted nothing to do with me. Feeling slightly sick I made my way across the back car park alone to meet Mike and Tré on the bus. 

The journey back to Oakland from where we were in LA was six hours. Which really didn't feel that long because we traveled through the night and Mike, Tré and I bummed about on the couch, laughing at shitty movies and giggling to ourselves. Mike told Billie to come and sit with us when he boarded the bus ten minutes after I did, but he simply shrugged and went straight to his room. Mike slung an arm around me and told me to leave him because "Sometimes he just gets in moods." I decided to relax and settle as we started our movie session with one of mine, Hot Fuzz: classic British comedy at its finest. Mike and Tré had never seen it before, which had shocked me because I had grown up on these movies. It didn't take long for them to get the crude British humour and soon enough they were cackling like Hyena's and demanded that I chose the rest of the films for the evening, which I had no trouble with at all. 

The next  thing I knew I was laid on the beach. The waves lapping at my toes, sand warming my body, a warm breeze on my face and the sun gently colouring my skin. Except somewhere in the subconscious depths of my mind I registered that the wind didn't usually have a slightly acidic taste or smell of pot and something else. Tentatively I opened one eye, to make sure that I was on still the beach and to tell the hippie staring at me to bugger off. So you can imagine my surprise when I was not greeted by sun, sea and sand, but instead by a pair of pale blue eyes, unnaturally wide and boring into my own in alarming close proximity. 

I gave a strangled cry, my voice restricted with sleep and shoved the heavy body weakly off of me. Shaken and trying not to cry I stared at Tré who was laying on the floor where I'd pushed him, gasping for breath and laughing his ass off and Mike who was holding onto the couch for support as his booming laughter shook the small room.   
"What the actual fuck, Tré?" I managed and in response he gave me a small hoot that was a cross between a giggle and crying from laughing too hard. "I hope you choke on your own spit," I scowled at him. At that he bounced up and bounded over to where I was stood recovering from the shock. 

His arms were very strong and he lifted me with ease in one arm, pulling me into his broad chest. "I hate you," I mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, still groggy from sleep and unable to really do anything about Tré.  
"No you don't," he sang.   
"Yes I do," I grumbled back. "I was having a good dream. I want to go back to sleep." I whined, aware of how childish I sounded. The next thing I knew I had been unceremoniously dumped back onto the sofa. Tré danced away behind me, but his unique voice carried with ease -   
"Ooo! Were you gettin' some with ol' Billie boy?" His face suddenly appeared in front of mine, upside down because he was hanging over the back of the settee, giving me a mini heart attack. I simply rolled my eyes as he pulled away cackling, I'd fast learnt that there was no arguing with Tré and once he had his thick skull set on an idea there was no changing his mind. 

Mike sat beside me and watched Tré's antics with a chuckle. "Actually, Lil, we woke you up because we'll be arriving back in Oakland in fifteen minutes or so, so you have time to wash up and do whatever girls do before we get to Billie's," I sent him a smile.   
"Thanks, Mike-"  
"Don't I get thanks?" Tré was once again way over the personal bubble boundary as he leered in to join the conversation.   
"No you bloody don't. I nearly had a heart attack because of you. Twice!" He cackled and pulled me into a one armed hug.  
"You love me really," I laughed and playfully slapped him away and like some crazed Labrador he bounded off once again. I turned to Mike, who was also blinking sleepily.   
"Mike, has Billie-?" I trailed off, unsure how to put what I was asking into words. I hardly knew Billie, I didn't understand him or his moods and I definitely didn't know how long he took to come out of one.   
"No, he hasn't come out of his room," his lips thinned as he pressed them together in thought. "He'll come around. He always does. He's probably just disappointed that the tour's over, he never has liked living alone,"  
"O-okay," I stumbled over my words, hesitating for a second, not wanting to interrupt Billie if he was still grumpy. I decided it would be safest to locate my Converse from where I had abandoned them by the door and then sit down. 

The bus pulled up soon enough and Mike told me that it was Billie's house. "We have a little ritual, because Billie doesn't like being alone straight off," he explained. "We all go in and help him get settled back down. Anyway then we have a few celebratory end of tour drinks and then crash the night," I grinned and nodded, Mike and Tré had fast become some of my favourite company.

Billie appeared at that point, wearing baggy trousers and his blue and black striped top. His glasses were perched lopsidedly on his nose and his hair was scruffy and looked like he'd been running his hands through it a lot. He was carrying two of my boxes and shot me a large grin, he seemed back to normal.  
"You ready?"   
"Yeah," I said quietly, quickly darting back to get my backpack and the final box. 

I followed Billie up the driveway to a house. According to me it was massive, but Billie said it was fairly average because he didn't like making a fuss. He had a huge lounge area downstairs that seemed to be the central hang out area, a dining room that looked like it had never been used and a big kitchen with a breakfast bar and sofa room attached and there was a door that led to the basement which was his music room. Out the back he had a pool and hot tub and a nice sized area of grass. Upstairs was Billie's room, two spare room, an office and what he called the den which was just an open area with a TV and sofa and what looked like an Xbox. 

Billie stopped at one of the doors and balanced my two boxes on his hip.   
"I thought you might like this one, it's a bit bigger and y'know," he shrugged before opening it and inviting me in. The bedroom I was stood in, my new room should I decide to stay, was spectacular. In the middle was a double bed with a black frame, white bedding and black pillows. There was a wardrobe that ran right along one side of the wall and looked like it could hold at least four times what I owned. There was a TV, something I'd never had in my room before with a small stack of DVDs piled next to it. There was a black dressing table with a matching stool and a big desk. Best of all I was face to face with an entire wall of bookshelves some full and half stacked with books and a huge black beanbag on a white sheepskin rug and one of those woven chairs that hung from the ceiling. These were all right by a large bay window that had a slection of black and white pillows scattered on it and a view of the sea. This room was perfect for me, minimalistic with a ton of good reading spots. I turned to Billie who was leaning in the doorway, having set my boxes down carefully and was watching my reacting carefully. I suppressed a squeal and ran into his arms.   
"Oh my God! I love it!" I continued at a high pitch. I felt his chuckle as he carefully put me down.   
"I thought you might like it, y'know," he paused and I watched as his iris' flickered upwards and began to move sideways across his eyes as if he was reading a list in his head. 

"Oh! I forgot. My room is the door directly opposite and the bathroom is on the left of it. Don't worry you don't have to share a bathroom with me,"  I laughed gently and mumbled my thanks. Billie left me to unpack as Mike and Tré helped him move his things back home. It was quiet for a while and coming from a fairly large family I took the time to enjoy and relish the silence as I began to hang up my clothes. 

It was only when I heard the telltale sing-song tone of Tré's teasing voice that my interest was taken away from the perfection of my new room.   
"Dude, you're whipped!" I heard Tré giggle.   
"I am not," I heard a rather indignant sounding Billie respond. What were they taking about?  
"Yes, you are!" Tré's voice was becoming distant which meant that he had probably gone off dancing or whatever a wild Tré does. Mike became audible then.   
"Actually man, I hate to admit it, but Tré's right. You do seem pretty taken with her."   
"I am not taken with anyone!" Billie's voice was rising.   
"Okay, so if you're not in love with her then why did you decide that she can stay here for as long as she wants and why did you give her your best room?" Something clicked in my head and my heart began to race. Me. They were talking about me.   
"I can make a good impression without being in love, Mike."   
"I'm not saying you're in love with her man, I'm just saying to stop denying that your feelings for her are stronger than you'd like to admit." My heart was thudding so loudly that it was all I could hear and for a second I nearly told it to shut up. My whole body froze, however, when I heard Billie clear his throat.   
"I'm not in love with her and I don't have feelings for her either!" I felt my heart drop and a truly cold feeling begin to spread through me. So I was nothing to him? A casual fuck. We didn't even get that far.  
"Beej, for as long as I've known you you've never been this...nice to a girl. Something's changed dude so why can't you just admit it?"   
"Have you ever thought, Mike," Billie Joe spat his best friend's name. "That I'm just trying to be helpful?"   
"That's bullshit, Bill and you and I both know it. Is it because of Adie? Are you scared to get hurt again? Are you seriously that blind that you can't see how different Lily is?" Adie? Did he mean Adrienne? Billie told me that there was never anything between them, but maybe there had been something. From what Mike said it sounded like Billie had been hurt. Badly.   
"Fine! I'm scared! I'm scared shitless!" Billie sounded like a little kid  
"Of what? Falling in love?" 

"I am not falling in love!" Billie yelled.

"DENIAL!" Came Tré's reply. These idiots really weren't good at having private chats.


	10. I'll Spend The Night Living In Denial

My heart was thudding so hard I could feel it in my throat, pounding in my ears. 

In love. 

That was scary. Those were big words, especially from someone I'd known for all of what, two days? There was no way Billie, or I, were in love. This was one of Tré's harebrained schemes that meant nothing. Nothing but words. I took a shaky breath, trying to forget what I'd just heard, pushing my hands through my hair at least four times. Why was I struggling to control my breathing? My heart was doing a bit more than just fluttering and there was more a stampede of elephants than a few butterflies causing havoc in my stomach. I jumped about a mile when there was a knock on my door.   
"Lil? You ready for a few drinks?" Billie's voice floated through the door.   
"I- yeah," I spoke, my voice so quiet that I would have been surprised if he heard me. I rifled through my bag at top speed, throwing on the first clean shirt I came to, which was an old Hard Rock Café one from Berlin I'd bought on a school trip years ago. 

I followed Billie Joe's back, now wearing a black shirt with several badges all over it, downstairs and into the lounge like a lost puppy.  Tré and Mike were sat grinning at me suspiciously as I sat down on the smaller settee opposite them. We sat there like that for an uncomfortably long time. In reality it was only about half a minute, but in silence with two idiots staring at you it felt like so much longer, and I couldn't stand it.   
"What?" Tré's face was almost split in half with his beam, he looked like a gleeful twelve year old girl who'd just found out who her best friend had a crush on.  
"Naaathin'," he sang irritatingly.   
"Fine, then stop staring at me," I responded shortly, but the smile tugging at the corners of my lips said otherwise. 

At that moment Billie appeared in a different doorway, four bottles in hand, made his way over to the three of us and without hesitation sat down very closely beside me on the settee, which I was realising was more of a love seat. The smirk on Tré's face only grew as he watched Billie.   
"Oh Billie, of course you're not,"   
"What the fuck?" Billie immediately snapped, no longer pretending to be confused.  
"You know what I'm talking about," the smug look on his face was becoming nauseating, but Billie had caught on to Tré.   
"Fuck off. Just 'cause I don't wanna get all cosy up and close with you,"   
"Don't even lie to yourself, Billie Bob, everyone wants to get up close and cosy with Uncle Tré," I couldn't help let out a little laugh at Tré's own ridiculousness. As if reading my thoughts, Billie handed me one of the beer bottles and tossed another one to Mike, who caught it with ease. Getting the message I lobbed the beer in my hand at Tré, who caught it nanoseconds before it hit his head and let out a loud guffaw, at me or himself I didn't know.  
"You sound like a fucking pedo, asshole," I playfully bit at him. 

"I heard pedo, where's my boyfriend?" 

I whipped round to see a girl standing in the doorway coming from the front door. She looked a good bit taller than me, maybe an inch or so shorter than Tré and had long-ish dark blue hair that framed her pretty face. Along with her amazing raven-like hair, she had large, doe-like brown eyes and freckles. A few tattoos were visible on her exposed skin as well as the silver glint of piercings. Instantly I felt intimidated by her stunning beauty, and a little bit jealous.

Billie looked up with a smile,   
"Ayyyy, it's our very own patron saint," he called to her. "Jimmy, get your butt in here." She darted over with elegant strides and plonked herself down beside Tré.   
"There's my girl!" He shouted, despite the fact that she was beside him and he slung an arm casually around her shoulders, pulling her into his body as if she belonged there, his lips pressed into her temple. She, Jimmy, twisted a little so she could kiss him properly. 

It was strange, seeing Tré kiss someone. Definitely not something I was ever expecting to see, Tré had always struck me as someone too oddball and hyperactive to settle down, or at least be serious. They broke apart quickly and Jimmy cast an eye over to me for the first time. Her eyebrow arched upwards as she looked me up and down, and I fought the urge not to shrink into Billie or squirm.   
"Well, she's a scrawny little thing, Bill, where'd you pick her up?" I hoped she was joking, at least she had a half smirk on her darkened lips. Billie seemed quite relaxed, however as he laughed softly.   
"I found her in a bar, for your information, Jimmy. And I don't think she's scrawny," Billie sent me a small but meaningful smile.   
"Thank you," I rolled my eyes, amused how they were discussing me as if I wasn't even there.   
"Well, she's gonna need feeding up a bit. And we'll have to do something about that hair. And those glasses. And the clothes. And-"   
"Jemima," Billie cut in. Instantly Jimmy's face turned from what looked like it might have been teasing to stone cold. Billie swallowed, and he looked a little afraid. 

He turned to me.   
"Ignore her, I think you're beautiful," I ended up smiling at the floor, unsure of what to say or how to act in the company of others. We fell into silence for seconds as we all had a drink. Jimmy took Tré's bottle without hesitation. After a lengthy swig, she stood up and walked over to me. She extended her hand towards me, I stood up to my full height as I shook it, looking her straight in the eye and swallowing any fear I had which was a lot.   
"Hi, I'm Jimmy,"  
"Lily,"   
"I like you," I felt warmer, like I had achieved some kind of stamp of approval. I nodded, unsure of what to say. 

She sat back down with Tré and I with Billie. Mike seemed perfectly content to simply sit, drink and watch the interaction without any fuss. Tré leaned over and whispered something to her, his pale eyes darting between myself and Billie, who was talking to Mike about something. I was fascinated by Jimmy, her striking beauty and bold looks captivating me. As Tré finished whatever he said a dangerous looking glint crossed her eyes and a smirk enough to rival Tré's crept onto her face, her silver snakebites glinting in the filtered light, casting the illusion of real fangs.   
"So, Lily, you and Beej make a cute couple. How long have you two been together?" 

The words caught in my throat, I didn't know how to think, let alone react. I could feel the blood rushing to my whole face and my mind began to reel. A relationship with Billie? I wasn't going to lie, I had thought about it. I'd been thinking about it long before I'd met him, and after having met him I definitely wanted there to be something more, but with how Billie had been acting since the show, I wasn't too sure what he wanted. There would always be that little niggling feeling that I was just a body to him, something to satisfy himself with when he got bored. Billie and I spoke at the same time -  
"I'm not, we're not-"  
"I'm not dating her dammit!" Jimmy lent back with a cackle,   
"Oh my god, Tré you were right, he totally is!" Billie had a face like thunder and it was directed at Tre,   
"Stop it! For fuck's sake I'm not, okay?!" Jimmy looked like a kid in a candy store,  
"Oh, but you are!" She cackled with Tré. 

She stood up, followed by Tré.   
"Anyway, we should be heading off now, Billie has all the company he needs,"  
"Tré!" Tré gave a small cackle at Billie's reaction to his words and pulled Jimmy into his chest, placing a small kiss on her nose.   
"Anyway, I haven't seen Jimmy over here in a long time and no one wants to see that,"   
"Mike, we can drop you off at Rube's if you want?" Jimmy ignored what Tré had said. Mike smiled mildly and stood up, too. Billie grinned at him,  
"Have fun with Ruby," Mike just smiled at the floor. They went to leave, but as Jimmy walked past me she leant over and whispered, not so quietly,  
"He likes you," before they all left, leaving Billie and I alone in silence and me beetroot red. 

The thud of the door swinging shut seemed to wake both of us up from our embarrassed silence. Billie looked up from where his gaze was fixed on the floor towards me, his cheeks were slightly pink and he had a hand in his hair.   
"Well, she's not wrong,"   
"What?"   
"Jimmy. I do like you, it's kind of obvious really, I mean I kissed you the night I met you and I invited you to live with me. I'd be mad to do that if I didn't like you, y'know?" I pressed my lips together as I nodded my head in slow understanding.   
"Well, if it wasn't obvious, I kind of like you too," I responded. Billie sat quietly for a second before laughing into the silence.  
"I'm glad we got that cleared, y'know?"   
"Yeah, and if you don't mind I think I'm going to have a shower," I said with a small laugh, excusing myself from the slightly awkward situation. I wasn't going to lie, I was a bit disappointed that he hadn't asked me out, but I swallowed my sadness and accepted the facts, this wasn't school anymore, you can like someone without asking them out and after what I had overheard from Tré, he had been hurt. Perhaps against my better judgement, I let myself hold onto the glimmer of hope that he had avoided taking it further with me because he was afraid I'd hurt him. 

I found my way back to my room and picked up a large white towel off the bed and making my way across the hall to the bathroom. I would have preferred to not have the bathroom right next door to Billie's room, but I didn't have a choice and I was just grateful that I wasn't sharing a bathroom with him. I hated sharing bathrooms with guys, I was forced to at university and they were such slobs it was disgusting. I left my towel folded on the toilet seat by the shower and my clothes neatly beside it. I found myself sending a thanks to the shower god that Billie's shower was easy to work and when I was greeted under a large torrent of hot water I actually moaned. 

The shower was perfect for all of five minutes.

Then I heard the lock click. 

Immediately I had my body pressed against the back wall, hiding myself as best I could from the intruder,  
"What the fuck? Get the fuck out!" I screeched at the top of my lungs. I heard the unmistakeable chuckle of Billie.   
"Billie!" I whined. "Billie, get out!"   
"No,"  
"Billie, this is my bathroom. You have one in your bedroom, get out you pervert!"   
"I'm lonely," he complained. "And it's my house."  
"You couldn't cope for ten minutes?" I cocked an eyebrow at the wall, in response I heard him make a small noise of protest,  
"Billie Joe, I mean it! Get out!"   
"Aww man, I just wanna clean my teeth, y'know?"   
"Well clean your teeth in your room. You'll be fine." I snapped at the wall. It went quiet and I hoped Billie had gown up and left. There was no way I could move to check without revealing myself so I just had to hope that he'd left. 

I had no such luck.

Out of nowhere a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and gently pulled me back under the main jet of the shower head. I wriggled out of his grasp and I don't think I'd ever shouted as loud as I had in that moment,  
"Billie Joe!"  
"Lily!" He mimicked.   
"Billie Joe get the fuck out of my shower right now!"  
"I like it in here,"  
"I swear to God, Billie, get out!"   
"I'm not even looking at you, relax,"   
"I don't care. You can't do this!"  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know! It's just wrong," I was fighting against myself because every fibre of my being was telling me to relax against him and the water because nothing had ever felt so right. 

"Really?" He murmured, his hands had once again found my hips and I could feel his wet hair as he rested his head on my shoulder again. "It feels very right to me," he was almost purring against my skin, leaving kisses as he spoke. I felt myself shiver and silently cussed myself out as I melted into his touch, Billie was even more electric in water. 

He traced kisses along my shoulder, up my neck and across my cheek until I turned my head to allow him to capture my lips. He kept himself there, softly kissing me as he gently turned me around, his eyes closed.   
"If I pull away, I won't look if you won't."   
"Okay," I whispered against his lips,   
"On three," his voice was soothing and gentle and if he kept talking to me like that I would have done anything he asked. 

"One," I opened my eyes to find myself staring at a hazel pair.   
"Two," we pulled away from each other slowly.   
"Three," we separated fully from each other, and true to his word Billie never broke his eye contact, never once allowed himself to look down and neither did I. He sent me a crooked smile.   
"There, not so bad was it?" I shook my head in response, nerves and self consciousness stopping my voice. Billie pushed his lips against mine again.   
"Too far?" He asked and I nodded a little, wanting to go back and finish washing my hair, cliché and lame, I know. He nodded and exited the shower, grabbing a towel before leaving me alone. 

The whole time I was washing my hair my thoughts were on Billie. He said he liked me, sure, but he never asked me out and then he just joined me in the shower. All the signs were very confusing and I didn't really know where they were pointing. One thing that had been proven, however, was that I could trust him. Even if he was a bit loopy.

I left the shower and wrapped my towel tightly around my body, quickly brushing my teeth before leaving the steamy room. Predictably and unfortunately Billie was not in his room, but walking across the hall meaning that he got a full view of me in a towel. Great.  
"Oh, um hi," he sounded a little nervous and he was avoiding my eyes, but I didn't miss the quick and sweeping glance over my body. I guess I had to forgive him though, he was only a male after all, and in all honesty if the roles had been reversed I would have been exactly the same. At least I wasn't naked.  
"I was just about to head to bed actually, so, um, goodnight and all that," he muttered before rushing into his room. 

Once in my room the quiet was overwhelming and I realised that if I listened hard I could hear Billie, just about. I listened for a second and heard what sounded like a phone ringing before Billie spoke,

"Mike? Mike. Yeah, hi. Mike, man, you gotta help me. You were right."


	11. It's Been So Long

I woke up slowly, stretching out in the large double bed that I had all to myself, revelling in the feeling of being completely alone. I wasn't scared of being alone, I knew Billie was just across the hall and there was something peaceful about my own company in mornings. I checked the clock, after a busy day travelling and a late (well, technically it was early) night I thought I might have slept through till at least ten. But no, when I checked the clock on my bedside table it read 8am. Eight. That was ridiculously early and it meant I'd had maybe five hours of sleep maximum, so I was unsure of how I was still alive. 

I noticed a record player in a corner that I hadn't seen last night, a vintage chest beside it that was stacked with old vinyls. Mine had also been placed by it. I grinned to myself and within seconds the soothing sounds of Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers serenaded me as I unpacked my bag, putting everything away to really make the room feel like home. Once I'd done that I was about halfway through the record and the morning sun was streaming through my white curtains, warming the room. I decided to dress in a pair of shorts that came to my mid-thigh and a simple white spaghetti strap top. By that point, there was no way I could ignore the gnawing hunger bubbling in my system any longer and I decided it was about time I actually left my room and took myself on an adventure to the kitchen.

I left the room quietly and pausing outside Billie's door for a few seconds allowed me to hear his heavy breathing. Billie was still asleep so I crept quietly down the stairs, finding my way to the living room was easy because it was the main downstairs room with most of Billie's other rooms feeding into it. I remembered seeing him come from the door behind me to my left with the beers and guessed that was the kitchen, doing a small victory dance when I indeed found myself stood in a very large kitchen.

I eventually found my way around, fixed myself a bowl of cornflakes and was sat at the island, staring out of his back window at the pool when a voice made me jump.   
"Hey, Lils," I nearly choked on my mouthful as Jimmy sauntered in and sat on the surface opposite me nonchalantly.   
"Uh, hi, Jimmy," I managed and she laughed.   
"I made you jump, didn't I?" I gave a small laugh,  
"Well I wasn't expecting visitors at this time, I'm not going to lie," I said cautiously, Jimmy seemed like a great person, but she was also slightly terrifying and I had a feeling that those who got on the wrong side of her were not seen again.  
"Don't be so scared of me, I promise I don't bite," she laughed again, then paused for thought. "Well, I bite Tré but that's different," she watched me with an amused look as I nearly spat out my mouthful in shock.   
"What the fuck!? Why would you tell me that?" I gaped her as the girl burst into laughter.   
"Man," she gasped, "You have got to get used to talking about sex if you're gonna hang 'round with us,"   
"I can talk about sex," I responded grumpily, staring into my cereal.   
"Yeah?" Jimmy questioned  
"Yeah," I could feel my voice tailing off and my face heating up as the subject came around.   
"Hey," Jimmy was in front of me, her warm brown eyes attacking my grey ones. "I like you, kid, so that means I'm gonna have all these shitty girly conversations with you, okay? So like it or not, you're not gonna have much of a choice," she laughed softly and waited until I nodded and cracked a smile to continue.

"So, are you a virgin?" I nearly choked, for the third time, on the last of my cereal at the bluntness of her question, and instead of answering I simply took my bowl to the sink and began to wash it up. I could hear her nails tapping softly and I realised she was seriously expecting me to answer.   
"Oh, well if you must know, I'm not," I wasn't sure why I felt as embarrassed as I did, maybe because Jimmy, quite clearly, was not a virgin. She jumped up at my response as if she had been given a new lease of life.   
"I knew it! Was it Billie?"   
"Was what Billie?"   
"Did he do it? Y'know, take your virginity?"   
"Jimmy, what the fuck!? No! I've not even slept with him," Jimmy quietened a little, but watched me sceptically.   
"Sit," she demanded. We ended up sat together on the bar stools in Billie's kitchen for a while as she demanded I explained the whole situation with Billie to her.

"So you aren't dating, but you kind of are and you want to be official and we don't know what Billie wants except I do because it's Billie and he's obliviously obvious," she finally stated after a long pause once I'd finished talking.  
"Um, what does Billie want?"   
"Duh! To be with you," I just stared at her. "And," she continued, ignoring my look. "We know sex is on the cards, and soon,"  
"Excuse me?" I was almost freaking out at Jimmy's words, and I wasn't sure if it was the good kind or not. She just rolled her eyes at me in a friendly way.  
"Please, he let you stay at his immediately, you nearly had sex on the second day and he showered with you yesterday. I'm not sure how blind or stupid or whatever you are, Lily, but you've gotta be a pretty fucking big dumbass to miss those signs." I could feel myself coming round to the idea.   
"I guess it is then,"   
"Well, do you want to?"   
"Want to?"   
"Fuck him?"   
"No, I know what you meant. Of course, I want to," Jimmy gave her bark of a laugh.   
"There we go! I knew you had it in you!" I didn't really know how to respond to her, other than to look down and despise the throbbing heat in my ears as we talked about having potential sex with the guy upstairs.

"Well, that brings me on to my next point, what are your plans for protection? And I'm asking you because Billie is a dumbass dipshit who will forget the meaning of the word the second he gets hard," I had to laugh at that.   
"I guess he doesn't seem like the type to have much control when it comes to down south," I found myself mumbling again. Jimmy seemed to think I was hilarious, almost collapsing with laughter.   
"Oh my god, that's such a polite way to say he thinks with his dick. So, what are you gonna do? Because girl, this shit is important,"   
"I know, I was just gonna go for a condom," I half questioned. Jimmy physically cringed.   
"What? Did I say something wrong?"   
"No, it's just I wouldn't really go for a condom,"   
"Why? I've only ever done it with one,"   
"Well, they do the job, but getting it on can be kind of a mood killer and it doesn't feel as good if you know what I mean?"   
"Okay, so what do you suggest?"

"Pancakes?"

Billie came wandering through and while I may have refused to admit it, my heart might have stopped a little bit upon seeing morning Billie. He was wearing a pair of big shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt, which in itself shouldn't have been sexy, but it was and he looked tired, dark hair was sticking up in every direction with little curly bits and flattened areas in a true bedhead, which shouldn't have been adorable, but it was. When I stared at him blankly he gave me a deadpan look.   
"Well, you said what did I suggest," my heart started thudding wildly, praying that Billie did not hear Jimmy and I talking about having sex with him, "And I suggest pancakes, oh, hey, Jimmy," he gave her a small smile as he noticed her for the first time. Did I mention he's fucking adorable? I wanted to kiss him so badly right then. "You were talking to Jimmy weren't you?" I nodded, pulling that face of pure awkward, my lips pressed into a forced smile of cringe.  
"Yeah,"   
"Well, now I just feel stupid, pancakes anyone?" I was about to accept when Jimmy butted in.   
"As fantastic of a chef you are, Bill, and as much as that sounds great, Lily and I were just about to hit the mall and do some shopping, but Tré should be waking up soon and he'll need feeding," she sent him a wink and dragged me upstairs.

"We were?" I found myself asking as I was sat on a bed, Jimmy quite happily rooting through my wardrobe that I'd just set up.   
"Are, honey, we are," she threw a pair of jeans at me and a shirt that didn't have some form of Green Day reference on it with a roll of her eyes and continued. "Right," she stopped abruptly after, clearly reaching the end of my clothes. I looked at her   
"What?"  
"You need more clothes,"   
"Dude, I moved across the world in a backpack, you think?" She simply laughed, and dragged me back downstairs. Billie was wandering across the house, now gloriously shirtless. He had his cheeks puffed out with food and when he saw us coming down the stairs he swallowed comically and it would have been impossible to miss the way his eyes roamed up and down my body. Eventually, his eyes met mine and he sent me a flashing, cheeky grin.  
"Hi, girls," he said, his voice sultry. I could feel my throat closing up and the blood rushing to my cheeks at Billie's suggestive manner.   
"Oh my god!" Jimmy exclaimed although I was a little distracted by Billie to really notice, saying as his eyes were still trained on me and he was casually tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. "Will you two just fuck already?"

Billie pulled backwards a little and barked a laugh which caused me to finally move, my face now definitely red.   
"Well, if you stopped invading my house, I might have a chance," I finally made a sound, although it was only a strangled noise. Both Billie and Jimmy stopped to look at me,   
"Uh," I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. Billie laughed softly,  
"Sorry Lil, I forgot to warn you, Jimmy and I talk like that a lot, y'know?"   
"Uh-huh," I managed and they both laughed, Billie sending me a wink when Jimmy wasn't looking before I was dragged out of the house, shouting a goodbye.

I was rudely deposited in front of yet another flashy sports car, it was really going to take me a while to get used to this new lifestyle. Jimmy watched me with amusement as I suspiciously eyed up the model. It had a horse on it - I thought it was a Ferrari, but only heaven knows.   
"What?" Jimmy broke my dubious gaze. "I'm a car girl, okay? Now get the fuck in, bitch. We've got a big day,"   
I edged myself into the leather interior as Jimmy flung herself in the other side, sending me a grin. "Having a boyfriend in a band kinda pays off," she laughed before revving out of the drive.   
Within the first few seconds, I found myself wishing it was Billie driving me instead because Jimmy was scaring the living shit out of me. She had this awesome rock radio station on at a volume so loud it was pointless trying to talk, and I was pretty sure she couldn't hear the traffic either, but that didn't seem to bother her because Jimmy's driving style was rather unorthodox, as in speed-through-everything-and-yell-at-anyone-in-the-way.

We must have arrived at the mall in record time and I was ashamed to admit that I was more than a little dizzy. Jimmy was dancing ahead,   
"Come on, dumbass!"   
"I am, asshat!" I managed to yell back, deciding that I could deal with the potential punch. Instead, Jimmy was laughing   
"There's my girl!" And with that, we made our way through into hell. The second we got inside I wanted to leave, my senses were being full-on assaulted here; with loud and bad pop music blaring through speakers and the sounds of shouting parents and screaming brats, uh, kids; too many food scents mixed to cause something quite unpleasant; there were colours everywhere in disorganised mess, with everything from abandoned clothes to the fucking play den in the centre to slushies (I think they were called Slurpees over here) spilt across the laminate flooring; and there was a chemical taste in my mouth from endless perfumes, aftershaves and deodorants. Before I had time to think I was in the dark safety of Hot Topic, Jimmy beside me with a grim look. She turned to me with an expression that looked like she'd just seen the apocalypse.   
"God, I fucking hate this place on Saturdays. We'll be safe in here,"

We stayed in Hot Topic for a while, stocking up my wardrobe, although Jimmy had to keep dragging me away from the merchandise.   
"No, you do not need another Green Day top, Jesus Christ woman, you live with the man!"   
"But I don't have that one," I protested like a child, looking longingly back to the Know Your Enemy shirt I'd found with the spies on it.   
"No," Jimmy said in what can only be described as a parental tone. And so I returned to leafing through t-shirts that did not have bands on them. It was five minutes later when I found myself distracted yet again.   
"Oh my God, what problem are you having with fashion? We are not here to shop for music!" Jimmy exclaimed as she literally grabbed my upper arms and wheeled me to the changing rooms. We left an hour later with a lot of very nice clothes, and the Green Day shirt, all of which went worryingly on Jimmy's credit card.   
"How are you affording this?" I hissed at her, after nearly having a heart attack at the receipt. She waved me off casually,  
"Tré," she stated while consulting a map, bags swinging from her arms and taking off in the opposite direction, leaving me cursing at tall people under my breath and scampering along behind her like a hobbit.

I found her stood outside a shop with a black sign and pink writing, turning to her with a terrified stare.   
"No."   
"Yes,"   
"I'm not going in there."   
"Yes, you are,"   
"I am not."   
"You are, one because you need to buy something from there, and two because you've got to stop being so embarrassed about this,"   
"I'm not embarrassed and I'm not buying anything!"   
"Grow up, Lils," she said lightheartedly, "It's only Victoria's Secret. It's not like I'm sending you in the sex toy shop!" She said a little loudly and got some disapproving glared from parents nearby. In my moment of hesitation, I found myself being dragged in and before I knew it was face to face with bras and silk g-strings.   
"Jimmy!" I whined.   
"You're okay," she said, patting my shoulder in mock sympathy.   
"I hate you," I scowled, to which Jimmy mimed a tick in the air.   
"Best friend achievement unlocked. Now, what do you want?" I stared around, deciding to grit my teeth and deal with this because I might look cute and Billie would like it.   
"It's all pink," Jimmy rolled her eyes and sent me to the back where I found a lot of black and red. 

"How about this?" She said, barely able to contain herself as she held up a creepy looking corset. I couldn't contain my giggles as I had a bra strapped to my head like ears and turned to look at her. We both ended up nearly collapsing and achieving some very dirty looks from the manicured bimbo at the counter. After much scowling I settled on a less slutty black set that was quite nice, and, according to Jimmy, "Will have Billie putty in your hands," the blonde girl at the counter, who's name tag read Gina, watched us disapprovingly with her fake upturned nose, which was a bad idea with Jimmy, who sauntered off and reappeared with the sluttiest thing she could find, which was a very gothic looking corset complete with fluffy handcuffs and fishnet stockings, smirking at the look of horror on Gina's face. We came out of the shitty store in stitches at the look on the girl's face.   
"Hmm," Jimmy was musing "I only bought this to piss her off but actually," she held the black handcuffs up to me "I might make use of them," to which we were both hooting with laughter and shoving them away from each other as if they were cursed. "I'm just kidding. These shitty things will break in thirty seconds flat," she said with casual expertise. I decided against questioning her on it. 

"Anyway, on with the mission," she said in a 'Superhero' voice and I found myself stood with her in the back corner of a drugstore.   
"Jimmy, I feel wrong just being here,"   
"Chill, people do this all the time," she spoke nonchalantly, casually picking up something. "Hey, look it's two for one. Why don't we both treat ourselves?" She asked, shoving a bottle of gunk in my face. This time, there was no denying the blush and I almost took the bottles off her and put them back.   
"Jimmy! Too far!"   
"Fine," she muttered. "I don't care, I'll buy it. You're the one who has to go up and ask for the pill," we split then, I left Jimmy examining the strange things that people have sex with and I made my way to the counter. There was an old lady at the desk who looked at me over the top of her glasses. Her name tag read Betty and at least she looked kind, I thought to myself.  
"Can I help you dear?" I took a deep breath and steeled myself, wishing I had just gone with condoms because I didn't have to talk when I bought them.   
"I, um, yeah. I need, uh, the pill?" I asked, hating the nervous squeak I picked up and the kind look she had been giving me had quickly been replaced with a disapproving glance and sniff.   
"Morning after or daily?"   
"Daily," she seemed to relax a little.   
"How many months do you want?"   
"Um, I don't know. Three?" I questioned myself. She sniffed again and muttered something under her breath about teenagers before shuffling off, leaving me scowling and grumbling about my height disadvantage. When she returned three round packets of pills were slammed down in front of me.   
"Take one every morning starting tomorrow and it will take a week before it takes action, so if you can control yourself wait two weeks before you have sex." She spoke with a stiffness in her voice. "There's a leaflet in there anyway because you'll probably not remember a word I said. And that's eighteen-ninety." I handed the money over and scurried away, meeting back up with Jimmy who was leaning against a post and looking like she owned the place.   
"Did you get it?" She asked me   
"Yeah, no thanks to that old hag. She called me a teenager!"   
"Awww," Jimmy laughed as she patted my head.   
"Come on, shortass, let's get lunch and then we'll finish for the day."

Lunch was good. We sat on stools and spoke in accents because we could and because it was funny to watch the idiot who worked there try to understand Jimmy's so-called English accent. Needless to say, she failed spectacularly and ended up sounding like Phoebe in that episode of FRIENDS where she met Mike's parents. Jimmy refused to tell me what she had in her bag from the drugstore, and I decided I was better off just eating my dodgy taco and leaving her to her even rougher looking burrito. I also learnt that Jimmy had the brutal sense of humour that meant I was in fits as she mocked and mimicked the idiots around us, her best one being the gorilla-like teenage boys that wore football jackets.

Afterwards, I found that we hauled all our bags into her car, I wasn't sure how they all fit in there, but I suspected it was an undetectable extension charm, and we were off on another drive from hell, although I was more than confused when we pulled up outside a doctor's office.   
"I'm not sick, Jim, why are we here?"   
"Duh, to get a clean card," she said and strode in, leaving me wondering what the hell a clean card was.

"Can you just pee in the cup for me, ma'am?" The lady at the desk asked, giving me a plastic cup. I scowled at Jimmy who was sat smugly, reading a magazine with a picture of Green Day on the front. She'd drawn a moustache, glasses and devil horns on Tré. Once I had done, I was not going into detail on that, I then had to take my cup to the doctor who took it and a blood sample before I was returned to my carer in the waiting room, sulking a little with a lollipop hanging out of one side of my mouth and a finger pressed down on a piece of gauze taped around the site where I had been rudely robbed of my blood.

I plonked myself down beside said carer, who had now drawn small hearts around Billie with L's in them and the words Sex God were brandished across his chest.   
"Hilarious," I grumped at her while she just sniggered in response. She did let me draw cat whiskers and ears on Mike, though so I decided we were even. 

After flicking through my phone, snorting at the pompous English brats on my Facebook and dying on Temple Run countless times, my name was called up to the desk where the same woman slid across what looked like a credit card. It was made of the same material as a credit card and had my name printed on the top corner and had a list of all the STI/Ds with checkboxes beside them. Not one box was checked. I spend a good few seconds flipping the card over and over, more interested in the big words than anything else before Jimmy snatched it off me.   
"Nice! You're clean," she said. "Okay, my work here is done. I'll drop you home,"   
"Thanks," I mumbled, tucking the card into my wallet. I was acting a little grumpy with Jimmy because she pushed me very far out of my comfort zone today, but I was also very grateful because for once in my life I actually felt prepared for something, and I made sure to tell her when she dropped me off.   
"Honestly, dude, don't even sweat it. I'll see you 'round," and with that Tré's crazy girlfriend sped out of sight.

I had just got through Billie's door when he called me,  
"Hey, Lil, is that you?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Wanna come watch some TV?" He shouted from the den upstairs, where I could hear his television blaring.   
"Yeah, lemme just put this shit away!" I responded, struggling up the stairs as fast as my aching feet would carry me. When I reached my room I dumped all of my bags beside my wardrobe, vowing to put them away one day and instead pulled on some pyjama shorts and my oversized hoodie.

I found my way to the den pretty quickly and allowed myself to faceplant the side of the L-shaped sofa not occupied by Billie, without so much as a word to the rock star.   
"You okay?" He asked me, his voice lightly amused but also a little worried, to which I responded with what could only be described as a dying whale noise.   
"Jemima is exhausting," I mumbled into the settee. I heard Billie's laugh and him comment something about her. Before it went still. I had a feeling he was doing something but I felt walked off my feet and honestly couldn't be bothered to look. I gave a weak shriek when hands gently pulled me up and Billie made himself comfortable in the corner seat.

"Rude," I grumbled, before he pulled me into the space between his legs, arms and legs wrapping around to cocoon me and his head falling onto mine. I found my head falling back into his shoulder as I scooted myself backwards into him, he pulled a blanket over the two of us and flicked on an old Disney film.   
"It's okay," he mumbled into my neck, lips pleasantly tickling the skin there. "I'll protect you from the nasty shopaholic," I found myself laughing sleepily before settling down into his arms and beginning to drift.

\--------------------------------  
LOOK WHO WROTE A CHAPTER! HELL YEAH, ME! 

So, this chapter was longer than normal. What did you guys think? Do you prefer chapters this length or shorter like the other ones???

Jimmy is becoming a much bigger part of this than I first thought.... I'm not even sorry xD

As always I love your feedback x


	12. Candy Hearts In My Mind

When I made my way downstairs the next morning at a respectable 10am I found myself greeted by the back of a head of messy dark hair and a pair of shoulders stretching a t-shirt in a way that was so attractive it should be illegal.   
"Moooorning," I let the word slide lazily off my tongue, but apart from looking up for a fraction of a second and grunting a noise at me, Billie Joe made very little in the form of response. As I made my way in search of some form of food for myself I noticed that Billie had the cutest look of concentration on his face, glasses perched on the wrinkles on his nose from where his brow was furrowed and he was furiously scribbling on a scrap of paper. I found myself some cereal a lot quicker than the day before and seated myself opposite him.   
"Whatcha doin'?" I asked, dragging my words playfully.  
"Idea," he mumbled, hand barely pausing. When he offered no form of further response I decided to leave him alone and busy myself. There was a lot of things that I could have done. I could have gone out and seen Jimmy, or I could have been productive and get my bearings in the city, or I could have been really proactive and gotten myself a job. I ended up just pulling on an oversized hoodie and curling up in front of the TV. 

It felt like Billie wasn't in the house, and it wasn't until I'd finished Four Weddings And A Funeral and was half way through Notting Hill that he surfaced, eyes shining and beaming like a Cheshire Cat. He padded over silently and pounced, tackling me into a hug and wrestling me down onto the settee. I could hear his chuckles and it wasn't long before my laughter joined in at the stupidity of whatever was going on in his head as he pinned me down with ease.  
"What?" I managed to ask once we had stilled, my fingers twisting lazily in loose strands of hair by his temple.  
"That idea," he just couldn't stop smiling. "It was only a few lines, y'know? Maybe a beat. I thought of it last night, I was up most of it writing, but, y'know, I think I'm onto something here! I really do, Lils, I think I've got our next album. I've gotta go to the studio! I've gotta call Mike and Tré!" And he dashed off into his room, leaving me blinking and putting on Bridget Jones' Diary as a Billie-shaped hurricane tore through the house.

Billie wasn't very present over the next few months. He spent nearly all of his time at the studio with Mike and Tré and producers and whatnot. I was expecting to have a lot of downtime, but I very quickly learnt that downtime was not an option when Jimmy decided to basically move herself in. Every time I woke up she would be in the house and I'd be sleeping before she left if she left at all. It was a good time, though. We watched a silly amount of classic British movies, Jimmy seemed very taken with The Full Monty because every other word was "fuck". Unfortunately, Jimmy was one of those organised assholes and did, in fact, have a job, so I was alone a lot during the daytime, which prompted me to get out of the house after a few weeks of watching the same reruns of three programmes. You know it's bad when you can rattle off a whole episode of Judge Judy word for word and know the schedule for ABC and TruTV by heart. I spent a lot of time in the pool, or lounging by it trying to tan my vampire skin to match the others at least a little while blasting Green Day very loudly into the neighbourhood. When Jimmy came over lazy afternoons in the pool turned into late nights drinking in the jacuzzi, not that I minded at all. We went out to bars quite regularly too, although never to get smashed. Jimmy had a game where she would let the smarmy, rapist douchbags to hit on her and then coldly cut them out by casually mentioning that her boyfriend was in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and she had three personal bodyguards. It was pretty hilarious to watch their faces drop as they couldn't get away fast enough. We also spent a lot of time shopping around, Jimmy had a bit of a thing for fashion and she was determined to properly bulk out my wardrobe and get me some more personal decorations for my room. I tended to just go along with whatever she wanted to do, because whatever we were doing with Jimmy it was always a laugh. 

I got my bearings within a few days of taking myself out and like in LA, everything I needed was within walking distance. I had secured myself a part-time job at a small coffee shop five minutes from Billie's house, but I was still spending most of my day free and alone. Jimmy had suggested that I put my English degree to good use and so the sketchy outlines of a novel were beginning to appear on my laptop. When Billie was around he was different, he was still affectionate with me, but he seemed distant as if he was in another world and his body was simply passing through this one. I'd asked Jimmy about it, but all I got out of her was that Tré's just more hyper than ever when they're recording (and very affectionate) and "It's a Billie thing, don't sweat it,"

After three or four months Billie came home one day around 1am and found me watching the third season of The Middle for the second time in the den. He announced that they had the majority of an album written and recorded. With that, he plonked himself beside me and promptly fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up (still on the settee) to the smell of food, and so assumed that Jimmy had yet again invaded and decided to 'treat' me to more of her atrocious cooking (it was a miracle she and Tré survived). Grinning to myself at the thought of another day causing mayhem with my new best friend I made my way downstairs to receive a bit of a shock. There, stood in the middle of the kitchen, wearing a frilly apron and swaying around as he sang badly to Elvis with flour in his hair was Billie Joe Armstrong. He twirled around and saw me, darting over and sweeping me up in his arms.   
"Hi there," I laughed when he put me down.  
"Good morning, Sunshine," he grinned crookedly at me and wiped a smudge of flour on my nose, guiding me into one of the two bar stools. He then continued prancing around as he served me with a crystal glass of champagne and orange juice and returned to the stove where he was busy at something. I took a sip of the champagne, and Jesus Christ it was the really good, expensive kind.   
"Smells good, Bill, whatcha doing?" I cocked my head to the side, but was only greeted with a knowing smile and ten minutes later a plate of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. "Oh my god, Billie, you didn't have to," I said quietly, awed at the sweet gesture.   
"No, but I want to," his smile and the adorable flour puffs in his hair made my heart melt. I found myself grinning in thanks as I touched my glass to his and we drank. We ate mainly in silence, making the occasional comment and not much more. Once we'd finished, Billie piled the plates up in the sink and turned to me.   
"Well, I can safely say you are a far better chef than dearest Jimmy," I commented once we'd both finished, to which Billie just laughed, but agreed.

"I want to do something today," he stated, hazel green eyes trained intently on me.   
"What about a movie marathon?" I suggested, feeling incredibly lazy.   
"No, not like that. That's all you've done for like a month! And I mean, like, y'know, something," I shrugged at him.   
"Whatever you do, I'm happy." Billie closed his eyes in mock frustration.   
"Lily, you're not getting this are you? I want to do something with you, something important and something special that you'll enjoy, and not just because I'm there, but because, y'know, you want to. So what do you want to do?" He asked me. I could feel a panic setting in. Clearly, Billie was hinting at going outside together. Outside meant people, and with Billie, people meant press, more so than with Josh.  
"You mean, like, outside. Where people can see you and me?" I managed to stutter  
"Yes, Lils, in bright, broad daylight. Today."   
"And you're okay with people seeing you with me?"   
"Yes. So will you please pick something to do?"   
"I don't know!" I whined and Billie barked a laugh, making a comment about how useless I was. Something triggered in my head, a similar comment that Jimmy had made, surprise, surprise, and I remembered something I'd (she'd) bought at the mall. "What's your beach like?" The second the words left my lips Billie's eyes lit up as if I'd said Christmas.   
"Get your swimming gear, girly, we're going to the beach!" He sang as he danced off, racing me up the stairs.   
I won.

I may have shoved him a little, but that's beside the point.

I quickly rooted through my wardrobe and dug out the black bikini Jimmy had bought me. I shot her a quick text thanking her, to which I got something filthy and typically Jimmy back in reply. I ended up pulling a simple white sundress over the top with some sandals. In a bag, I threw in a towel and spare underwear and clothes. I popped in a pair of contacts and threw on my sunglasses, letting my hair sit roughly around my face before making my way back downstairs where Billie was hollering for me to hurry up.  
"I am!" I shouted at him playfully.   
"Girls are just so slow!" He pretended to be angry at me.  
"I was fast!" I protested as he piled me into the car, shaking his head with a smile at my antics.

I didn't think it was really worth taking the car, saying as we literally drove down the road, but Billie insisted it was necessary and so I sat through the pointless drive that wasn't even long enough to to listen to a decent song. We pulled up on the seafront and Billie helped me out into bright sunshine and hot weather - a rare treat back home in England. He handed me a beach mat and escorted me to a small cove that was far quieter than the main beach and seemed to catch the sun even better as well. He told me to relax there and he'd be back soon, before dashing off.

I rolled out my mat and pulled my dress over my head, before kicking off my sandals and collapsing down to tan. Billie was gone a while, I wasn't really sure how long because I was drifting in and out of consciousness. He only alerted me of his presence when his body flopped down beside me and suddenly green eyes were boring into my own.   
"Hi," he sent me a flashing smile  
"Hey," I murmured back.   
"So, what do you want to do first?"   
"First?"   
"Yeah. I told you I'm making this special," Billie went quiet for a minute. We had both flicked our sunglasses back on, allowing me to get a good look at him whilst he chewed his lip in decision. Billie was wearing nothing but a pair of long board shorts, leaving his torso on full display. Maybe it was because he was back playing regularly, but his already perfect body looked fitter, his abdominals slightly more defined as well as his arms. His tattoos flashed and caught the golden sunlight, bringing them to life in all their colourful glory. He turned back to me with a wolfish grin,

"I hope you're in your swimwear," He smirked, sending a little flame of nerves straight to my stomach.  
"Why?" I asked him tentatively. He stood up silently and walked to just behind me. I arched my back and tilted my head backwards to see and gasped a little at what I saw. Billie was stood, two surfboards were propped up either side of him. At his feet was a picnic blanket and a wicker basket. The fledging surfboards made it look like sitting on the blanket was a throne. This was beyond anything I had imagined, and I didn't hesitate to tell Billie so, to which he mumbled something blushy in return. He pulled a board out of the sand, it looked pretty awesome, black with a pink spray-paint style rabbit and a red heart with a cross going through it decorating the thing. Of course, I thought, Awesome As Fuck and St Jimmy. He pointed towards the other board, which wasn't as personal, not that I cared: I was going surfing! In my enthusiasm I kind of forgot about Billie, pulling off my sunglasses and throwing them on my mat before almost ripping off my dress in one rapid movement, discarding it carelessly. 

I only remembered when I looked up to see Billie gawking at me, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes shamelessly roaming my almost naked body.   
"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to stare?" I asked sassily and grabbed my board, before sprinting to the water.  
"My mother never told me girls are as hot as you!" He yelled after me in response. 

The surfing was awesome, Billie was beyond better than me, him being a Californian and myself being a Londoner who went on a few summer surf schools. After a good two hours if not more of wiping out, we were exhausted and after riding the last few good waves all the way back to the beach, we made our way back to the empty cove. I immediately dropped my board and flopped down on my mat, probably looking like a beached seal as I lay there, body glistening in sweat and water. Billie crashed next to me and in a companionable silence I drifted off to sleep.

A faint tickling sensation at my sides about an hour later woke me up. I opened one eye to see my favourite face smiling down at me, hair clumped and curled with salt water, green eyes shining. Billie's fingers ran up and down my sides again, sending a myriad of sensations running through me.   
"Any particular reason why you felt the need to wake me up?" I asked groggily, running my hands softly up his arms that were holding his weight at either side of my head.   
"You've been asleep for an hour, I'm hungry and I don't want to be known as the guy who did the lobster," I ignored his comment about me being a lobster and agreed with him about food. 

Lunch was pretty damn fab, a classic English picnic, something I'd not had since I was a child, and Billie seemed to take extreme joy in the fact that when he opened the old fashioned wicker basket I genuinely squealed. He carefully laid out the China plates and beautiful food; cucumber sandwiches, quiche, pork pies, jam tarts, strawberries, champagne and lashings of ginger beer. Once again my arms were around Billie's neck in delight, before launching myself into the food with gusto, Billie following my actions with a gentle chuckle. 

After eating, talking, sleeping, reading and building sandcastles, Billie and I had spent almost the whole day at the beach, and there wasn't a bit of me that wanted to go home.   
"Let's go for a swim," Billie's voice floated from somewhere by my side. I was laid on my front with a book and Billie was dozing beside me.   
"Okay," I responded, putting my book down carefully before getting up an stretching. Billie rolled over and forced himself up, before tagging me and sprinting off. "Hey!" I shouted at the fast shrinking figure.  
"Race ya to the water!" I barely heard his reply, before taking off at full speed. I used to run, back at home, and there was something about feeling the sand being turfed up beneath my feet, feeling the wind in my face and the adrenalin coursing through my system that reminded me of how much I loved it. I easily increased my speed to a point where I felt like I was flying, and before I knew it I was streaking past Billie and into the water. 

Three seconds later a second body crashed into the waves and I began to wade away, shrieking with laughter. While I may have been faster on ground, Billie was clearly a stronger swimmer and in nanoseconds strong arms caught my waist and lifted me up, causing my screams to become even louder, especially when I felt the cold sting of salt water as I was dropped into it. Gasping falsely I resurfaced, but remained flailing in the water until a concerned Billie leaned down to see if I was okay. I weakly wrapped my arms around his neck for support, before looking straight into his eyes,  
"Idiot," I smirked and let my weight drop, dragging Billie under with me.

We struggled for a second before surfacing giggling and gasping for breath. In mock annoyance a wave of water was sent crashing over my head.   
"Assault!" I yelled and sent my own wave straight back, splashing his face. We played in the water, sending waves back and fourth at each other like eight year olds until I realised that we were, in fact, very close to each other. Before I could really coordinate what was happening Billie's arms were encircling my hips and his lips were planted heavily on mine. 

It didn't really start out gentle, but very quickly I felt his tongue dart across my lips and my mouth was open. We pulled apart for a second, more for the purpose of re-oxygenating than anything else. Dripping wet Billie was hot as fuck, his dark hair was damply curled and hanging in his beautiful eyes, the water was rolling off of his body in droplets that when the sun caught them illuminated him in diamonds. The water that sat around our waists was far warmer than the rest of the sea. It was as if Billie was radiating his own heat. He was so beautiful, everything was so perfect that I never wanted to leave. I caught his eyes roaming over my own body and before I knew it we were making out again, Billie's lips suddenly at my ear.   
"How about we take this home?" 

Okay so maybe there was a tiny part of me that wanted to go home. 

\----------

I AM SOOOO SORRY ABOUT THE LONG WAIT FOR THIS!! 

From May I've had my final exams in school and so my attention has been 100% on those for like two months and then once they finished at the end of June I was so tired that I literally did nothing but watch tv for like three weeks to reset and then idk why but it took me forever to find the flow of this story again and continue writing, but here it is. 

Like any of you care about that but whatever, that's my shitty reason as to why I haven't updated for so long. 

I'm not sure about this chapter, what do you guys think?

Likes, comments and follows are MASSIVELY appreciated as usual. 

Shadow xx


	13. Talk My Way Out Of Control

Yet again, I was sat in a speeding car, Billie beside me with his jaw set and knuckles white, the only difference being that this time we were hardly clothed and dripping wet. He shot into his drive, parked and was dragging me to his front door in seconds. 

After a short fight with the lock, I was swept up in his arms, my legs clinging to his wet shorts as he kicked the door closed. We didn't even make it to his bedroom, instead Billie just stood there, holding me up as we dripped salt water all over his floor, kissing me as if I was some kind of miracle cure to whatever was infecting him. My hands were tangled in his hair which was fast matting as the seawater dried in it. He staggered a little and slammed me against the wall, using his hips to keep me in place so he was free to use his hands. I broke the kiss for a second, taking in a huge gulp of air. 

Billie was watching me with a funny look.   
"You're so beautiful," he murmured absently. I grabbed his face and pulled him back into me with a moan, opening my mouth for him without hesitation. I had really missed that, we had barely spoken since he started working on the album, let alone kissed and all of his little looks and comments that I had been getting instead had been driving me insane. His hands trailed up from my waist, applying his weight even stronger at his hips, but it didn't hurt, instead it seemed to create an almost unbearable heat in the little space between us. My hands were resting on Billie's neck, which was my favourite spot for sure, and his fingers were in my hair. I was completely swept up in the moment, if you'd asked me anything right then I don't think I would have been able to answer. Favourite colour? Billie Joe Armstrong. Favourite season? Billie Joe Armstrong. Favourite month? Billie Joe Armstrong.   
You get the picture.

"Ow!" I suddenly shrieked, causing Billie to pull away as if he'd been burnt, except for his left hand where a clump of my sticky, salty hair was tangled around his fingers.   
"Oh shit, Lils I'm so sorry!" Billie's voice was stricken as he desperately struggled to free himself from me. I couldn't reply to him straight away because I was laughing so hard, I felt kind of bad for laughing because Billie was very obviously worried that he'd hurt me, you know what it's like when you pull your hair? It only hurts for a few seconds, and it was kind of adorable watching his mini panic. I gently took hold of his hand to keep him still as I unpicked my hair from his hand, both of us now shaking from laughter.   
"Ew, I hate my hair after going in the sea, it's all sticky and gross," I said absentmindedly as I held the now free hair in my eyeline and examined the knotting in it.   
"What do you say to getting cleaned up and going for dinner?" Billie asked from beside me.   
"I could eat, and take a shower!" I agreed with him and with that we shot up the stairs, racing and pushing like kids as we went. I tried to ignore the fact that I kept feeling how much Billie didn't want to go anywhere and it wasn't helping the fact that I didn't really want to go anywhere because yet again we had to break it up just when I was about to get somewhere. With a final playful shove we parted way for our own showers. 

Well actually I went to my room and spent half an hour texting back and forth with Jimmy, telling her about my day and getting advice for the evening to come. Eventually, I climbed into the shower where I'm not even ashamed to admit that I took about an hour longer than Billie. What? I'm a girl: I'm allowed to. I washed my hair twice, and combed it through three times to remove all traces of seawater from earlier, before using my best conditioner a further two times to make sure that my hair was as smooth and smelt as good as possible. I'd recently had a wax treatment, courtesy of my torturer/best friend Jimmy, who on one of her days off decided it would be fun to have a spa day. Even so I spent an age going over my whole body with a razor and fucking tweezers, under said torturer's strict instructions. I then used my favourite mint and tee tree body wash, and a lot of it, to make sure I smelt good, before deciding that I also wanted to not only do a deep cleanse facial scrub but also a face mask. That plus all the private concert that I played to the ever fortunate towels meant that I must've been in there for a good hour and a half. 

Eventually I climbed out of the shower and dried off, which by no means meant I was finished. I then used one of those rough skin brushes everywhere on my body before moisturising, cleaning my teeth twice and then squeezing out any blackheads that I may or may not have had peppered across my nose and cheeks. 

Once I was back in my room I dove straight to the back of my wardrobe where I knew I'd hidden that bag, and after a few minutes of rummaging in the dark I struck gold and pulled out the black and pink thing, and quickly pulled on the undergarments. I found the dress that Jimmy had told me to wear, too. It was a little black number that I had actually brought with me from England. It came down to my knees and was layered prettily with a little detail at the front of my chest, I absolutely adored the dress because it was perfect if I wasn't sure where I was going, it was pretty enough to be suitable for casual wear but also classy enough to go to an upscale place, too. I didn't bother with much makeup, just concealing some blemishes and my usual dark and smokey eye makeup and pale pink lips. Finally I dried off my hair and decided to straighten it out and then put in more defined curls. I found my favourite heels and made my way downstairs. 

Reasons I love Billie Joe Armstrong, exhibit A: I had just taken a good two hours to get ready and he had not once complained or asked me to hurry up. 

He was sat on his sofa, watching TV as if he wasn't waiting for me. When he heard me come down the stairs he stood up, and I felt my breath being swept away. He had on his standard skinny jeans and that studded belt with another necktie in his back pocket. He also had on a simple black shirt and tie with a grey and black jacket and his chucks. All together he looked smart and gorgeous as ever, and I don't know if it was my current mood or because his hair looked super fluffy and touchable, but Billie right then was looking pretty damn good. I noticed that he was staring at me, his eyes once again lined, and his mouth ever so slightly agape. He gulped slightly and shifted a little on his feet.   
"Or we could just order takeout?" He asked softly, his voice barely audible as he inched towards me. All of a sudden we were so close that our toes were touching. I could feel the air moving as he breathed, his nose painfully close to mine. I could feel myself gulping this time.   
"Takeout sounds great," I murmured. 

Before I had even finished he had swept me up in his arms and was literally sprinting up the stairs with me, into his room and dropped me on the bed. He kissed me quickly, his body hovering above mine, but it was more of a confirmation kiss than anything else and all too quickly he pulled away, seemingly happy with my reaction to him.   
"I guess I'm just gonna say it," he looked at me and oh my god Billie's eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them before. "I got you a present," he said and reached into his bedside table, presenting me with a box with a bow on it. I took it off him gently and removed the bow. Sitting in my lap was a box of condoms and a very sheepish Billie. I couldn't help but laugh at the adorable gesture. "I know you're keen on being safe, and y'know, I really like you and I really want this and yeah I thought you'd like that and er, y'know,"   
"Aww, Bill," I cooed. "I, uh, actually got you something too," I said and ran back to my room. 

He was sat on his bed looking all cute sat up like a child on Christmas. I handed him my pill packet and my clean card, sending a silent thanks to Jimmy. He looked at it for a second all confused before his face spilt into a massive grin, he fished a matching clean card out of his wallet for me to examine, which I did for all of three seconds before discarding the thing and jumping on Billie. He caught me with an easy umph as I sat on his lap and attached my lips to his. He didn't even need to ask me anymore to open my mouth, because I started to do it naturally and when I felt his tongue gently brush against mine I let out a contented little noise. 

Everything this time was so different to the last, but at the same time it was so similar. This time it was slow and sweet, making sure that every move was deliberate and had the desired effect, but like last time that electric storm seemed to descend and thicken the air in seconds. 

We made out for a good while, I couldn't tell you for how long because time very quickly evaporated around us. After some time, when I had explored all of his clothed body and was itching to remove some clothing, Billie broke the heated kiss and quickly made his way to my neck. At first he just nuzzled, leaving small pecks everywhere until he found a spot the the dip of my collarbone that made me cry out.  
"I want to make you mine," his voice was deeper than usual and had a velvety texture to it. I knew what he was asking me, though.   
"I'm all yours," I told him as his lips reattached to that spot and he began to tease my skin with his tongue, sucking at my flesh and grazing his teeth over it, until he pulled away leaving a purple hickey. 

Ever so gently he held me by my waist and lowered me off his lap and onto my back, making sure that my head landed on a pillow before he threw his leg over my waist and held his weight on those fantastic arms at either side of my head. He went back to attacking my lips, keeping me on my toes by constantly alternating between my lips and my skin. I was feeling pretty week around everywhere right then and I ended up just holding his shoulders to brace myself and occasionally press kisses around the base of his neck, where I knew he liked it.   
"Y'know, you have to stop dressing like this," Billie almost growled at me and I could feel myself fighting a laugh.   
"Like what? Appropriate to go out?" His lips were currently on my exposed shoulder, and I could feel the vibrations from his laugh send a thousand shocks through me. "What do you want me to do? Walk around naked?" Apparently Billie liked that idea a lot, judging by the growl and hickey number two. 

Billie Joe's fingers were tracing up and down my sides ever so carefully, occasionally stopping at the zip of my dress.   
"I think you should really take this off," he whispered in my ear, his hair tickling me in the best way and his voice soft, inviting and determined to make me feel as comfortable as possible. He undid my zip slowly and grabbed the hem and making sure his hands brushed my bare skin as he did it, pulled the dress up to my head, where it promptly got stuck. With more giggles and a bit of help from me, my dress was abandoned somewhere. Billie didn't even hide the needy moan as his eyes roamed my body, now only clad in the black lace underwear that Jimmy had picked out for me.   
"Goddammit, Lily, you're too good for clothes,"   
"Says you," I responded lowly, my eyes not even shamefully fixated on the obvious outline in Billie's jeans. "Let's make this a little more even," I said as I pushed the blazer off his shoulders and ripped off his tie. I was shaking a little and I struggled with all the buttons on his stupid shirt. 

It gets a little embarrassing here because I thought I could be sexy and rip his shirt, but as it turns out I wasn't as strong as I felt and all I did was pull Billie on top of me, not that either of us really minded. I buried my face in his neck, doing that ridiculous laugh that I do when I'm embarrassed, but Billie caught up on the mistake with ease, pulling my no doubt red face away from him and kissing me strongly, as he undid his own buttons. I was pretty damn good at trousers though and I had no problem whipping his belt off, to which Billie just moaned loudly and before long his jeans were shuffled down and also thrown away. There was a pause for a split second before we jumped at each other's lips forcefully and I became fully indulged in the kiss. 

My hands were roaming all over his body, feeling at the new flesh eagerly. I ran my hands across his sculpted shoulders and down his arms, tracing the tattoos back up, and then down his front where the new muscle was just protruding pleasantly, his tongue egging me on the whole time as it twirled around my own, his hands running up and down my sides and across my chest and around to my back. My legs had curled around his own, holding him in place at the crook of his knees.   
"Do it," I breathed before sliding my lips down his neck. He easily popped my bra open and whipped it off as I hit a spot that elicited a guttural moan from him, and his hands immediately flew to my breasts, fondling them eagerly. I didn't bother to ask as I sucked hard on the base of his neck until I pulled away to see the mark forming. Billie's hands continued to move south until he had them hooked in the tiny lace rim of my pants. He hesitated there, his fingers felt like they were burning my skin where they were still. 

"P-please," I whimpered, Billie just placed a gentle kiss above my left breast before kissing his way down my side. When he reached the point of my hip his darkened eyes flashed back up to my face, and slowly, teasingly he grazed his teeth down my side, which in itself was a phenomenal sensation, but he also kept eye contact with me the entire time as he nipped the hem of my panties and painfully slowly dragged them down my legs. 

As the air hit my now exposed crotch it wasn't particularly cold, but even so I clamped my legs together. Billie seemed to get that I was a little nervous and he climbed back so he was hovering over me, and his lips caught mine softly. We kissed for a little while and my hands found themselves tangled in his hair as he moved his hands downwards again. He moved so carefully, like he wanted to make sure that I was enjoying myself over him, until his fingers were resting on my folds ever so lightly. He pressed down with his thumb a little and it sent a bolt straight through my stomach. His face, directly above mine, watched me questioningly and while I couldn't say much I nodded, and with that Billie tenderly pushed one of his fingers into me. I gasped a little and decided that kissing him would be the best option at that moment. He moved with me ever so lightly, but I could feel everything and before long he was curling his fingers in this delicious 'come hither' motion with his thumb massaging my clit expertly, something Josh never did, and soon enough with that and the combined sensation of our teeth clashing as I moaned into his mouth, I began to feel very funny.   
"St-stop," I breathed weakly, but Billie just gave me this crooked smile and continued a little bit faster. "Billie I feel funny," I mumbled as an unbearable heat stole over my body, tinting parts of me that I didn't know changed colour pink.   
"Relax through it," he instructed, I shook my head and involuntarily tensed against the sensation.   
"I think I'm gonna pee," I warned him, but he just shook his head. I really did feel funny, like I might explode, and I think I did a little bit, a sudden white heat blazed through me, my vision blurred out as my eyes rolled back into my head and my body spasmed out of control, arching into him without my awareness.   
"Fuck! Billie!" Were the only words I managed to produce. 

Billie slowed his movements to a stop as I regained control over my body and was able to move and function again, somewhat.   
"What did you do? I think you broke me," I panted as he laid beside me for a second while I caught my breath.   
"You, y'know, came," Billie said with a little smile that said he was really quite pleased with himself.   
"No I didn't. I know what that feels like and I've never felt that before." I said bluntly. Josh and I had had quite a lot of sex, and I'd done it with a few boys before that and none of them made me feel that good.   
"Well, I don't know what you felt before but that was a proper orgasm," I felt myself blushing as a slow realisation stole over me. I rolled over for a second and his my face in the pillow.   
"Oh my God, I'm twenty five and I literally just had my first orgasm!" My voice was muffled by the pillow but I could hear Billie laughing softly. He was tracing patterns along my back as he did.   
"That's okay," he said and for some reason my body decided that if Billie said it was okay then it really was.

I rolled over and found him, he easily straddled me once again and caught my lips in a heated kiss. Maybe it was because I was bathing in the afterglow from before, but I suddenly had no problem running my had all the way down his chest and palming Billie's dick through the thin fabric of his boxers.   
"I want them off," I said, before pushing him forward and yanking them down. Billie never let me touch him, though, he just helped me get comfortable before positioning himself above this.   
"Uh, Lils?"  
"Yeah?" I said, my reply absent as my mind with the feeling of Billie being so close and yet so far away.   
"Just, uh, y'know, before you get disappointed or anything, I'm, er, not that big, and y'know, I'm sorry if I'm not as good as your past boyfriends," Billie's face was very flushed as he spoke, and he couldn't meet my eyes. Instead I grabbed his chin so he was forced to look at me before I slammed my lips onto his, words didn't feel necessary to me. 

That seemed to give Billie the confidence or confirmation or whatever it is he was looking for to push into me. He was right, he was smaller than Josh, but it was kind of nice in a way. For once it didn't hurt, not even a little bit, and while Josh spent more time bragging about his size than he did actually pleasuring me, and with one little thrust Billie was already hitting somewhere that I'd not felt before. And unlike Josh, who fell into a steady rhythm until he came, Billie kept it random and oh my God it was blinding. He moved so well, so well that my legs instinctively came up to wrap around his narrow waist, allowing him to angle himself even better, building up that now familiar ball in my abdomen. My hands were fisted in Billie's hair as we moved together, hips rocking all over the place as everything he did brought me closer and closer to the edge. He moved in a new, sudden direction with a deep grunt and my head lolled back as I moaned loudly, before leaning up to kiss his neck, shoulders and anywhere else I could reach. He picked up the speed a little bit and the heat began to steal over me again, especially as I arched my back into him, my hands leaving his hair which was beginning to matt with sweat again, so my arms were instead just draped over his shoulders. 

Billie was working some kind of magic, and boy he could count like Monica. He paused for a second, his body juddering, and he let out a string of moans and profanities as he thrusted for a few more seconds before coming undone. Watching Billie cum was by far the most attractive thing ever, his black hair was flattened with sweat and sticking up at the back where I had my hands tugging through it, his eyes were currently closed and his mouth slightly open in pure bliss. His body was shining with sweat and shuddering slightly as he finished, and the feeling inside me was enough to set off a second finish of my own, the heat increasing tenfold as he filled me up, my nails digging into his back as I came undone with him, the pair of us a shuddering, sweating and orgasmic mess. 

"I think I'm in love with you," 

\-----------------  
Omfg I can't believe I've actually done this.   
This is probably horrible because this is the first smut I have ever written *eek* and I'm super nervous.   
Dedicated to JimmyWasHere for being a demanding bitch (ily really) 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE WRITTEN SMUT AND I NEED FEEDBACK

Thanks,   
Shadow xx


	14. I Don'T Take The Time To Feel The Way I Do

Billie yanked his body away from mine as if he'd been burnt, effectively ending the feeling of limitless bliss. He began to shuffle backwards rapidly, until he let out a yelp. My hand was still entangled in his messy hair, but instead of laughing like we did earlier he simply hissed a "fuck," and grabbed ahold of my wrist, roughly pulling himself free. However, Billie didn't go very far; he just sat at the end of the bed furthest away from me, his bare back hunched and his head in his hands. Needless to say, the silence following was painfully awkward. I don't think either of us knew what to say to make the situation better. 

The longer I sat there the worse I felt, naked, spent and alone in Billie's bed, I could think of nothing better than to crawl into my own and forget the whole incident, because clearly neither of us wanted to hear what had been said. The words were still echoing in my mind, I think I'm in love with you. I didn't know what to say and worst of all I didn't know what Billie wanted me to say. After what felt like an age but was about three minutes realistically, if that, I was feeling more vulnerable than ever. Wrapping his sheets around my body I reached for the nearest item that I could pull over my head, which of course was one of Billie's cotton t-shirts. I cringed but yanked the shirt on and stood up, picking up my dress and heels padding softly to the door.   
"I'm, um, I'm going to go," I said slowly. 

Apparently that seemed to shake Billie from whatever was occupying his mind.   
"Wait! No!" I turned around, as Billie was scrabbling to pull on his boxers and stand up straight. "Oh fuck, Lily I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out, fuck, I didn't even mean to say it and now I've fucking scared you off and this really isn't how I expected this to end," the heavy feeling in my chest was back, the one I felt when I broke up with Josh, expect this time it was ten times more acute, as everything was with Billie.  
"It's okay, Beej, I'll just go back to my room and pretend it never happened," I muttered, but Billie reeled back, his hands gripping frustratedly at his hair.   
"Fuck no," he groaned, apparently caught up in some inner turmoil.   
"Um okay, I'll just stand here?" I questioned, but that seemed to not be the answer Billie wanted.   
"No, I mean, I don't want you to pretend it never happened. Or forget about it," I stared at him, utterly bewildered.  
"Billie, I don't get it? What do you want from me?"  
"I don't want you to forget it because I meant it!" He finally yelled, effectively shutting my pathetic confused warbling off. There was a heat in my cheeks that matched his voice and I felt like there was a huge balloon in my chest, an overwhelming warmth seeping through me like syrup. 

"You don't have to say it back, it's early days I know, but I think I've known for a long time. Something was up the day I met you for fucks sake, no one else makes me feel like I'm attached to a fucking live wire, y'know?" There was an incredibly irrational part of me that desperately wanted to run around screaming, call every person I knew and tell them that Billie Joe Armstrong loved me. I didn't, because I believe that kind of behaviour is considered stalkerish and is not how you behave in front of potential boyfriend-to-be, but I was fighting tears of pure ecstasy because I had loved Billie since I discovered his up and coming band when I was fourteen, and now here he was sat in front of me telling me he loved me first. 

For the first time ever it felt like my brain had completely shut down, and I was numb. There wasn't a rational thought in my body and the more I concentrated the more I couldn't think of what to do about the situation. Instead, I let the insanely warm feeling in my chest and stomach decide,  
"I think I'm in love with you," I muttered, trying to ignore the intense full-body blush by staring at my feet. Then I repeated it again more firmly to let him know that I really, really meant it. Billie's face split into a grin like a kid who just got everything he ever wanted on Christmas morning.   
"Are you just saying that?" He suddenly questioned, expression immediately dropping.   
"No, oh God no," I said softly and flung myself at him. 

Billie caught me easily, his arms wrapped strongly around me, and when I had got over my blush enough to look up the first thing he did was smash his lips onto mine. My eyes immediately fluttered closed as the sweetness of the kiss took over, it felt different. This wasn't like our usual kisses, filled with passion and desperation and sexual tension, this one was sweet enough to make me melt, and I was glad we were sat down because had we been standing my knees would have given in. This was a kiss that put all of our previous words into action, I could feel it radiating off Billie and myself, mixing us in this warm, safe little bubble where nothing else mattered. 

I felt Billie pick me up again and walk me towards the bed, gently placing me down. He carefully climbed into his side of the bed and immediately rolled to face me, lying so close that our legs intertwined and we were sharing breath, which should have been gross but saying as I just had sex with the guy I wasn't particularly bothered.   
"You know," I said quietly as his hands traced my fingers, locking them together, his forehead gently touching mine "This really does change the dynamics of our friendship," he laughed softly, eyes creasing in that way that I just adored.   
"Thank God," he chuckled as I stared at him. "I never wanted to be friends with you y'know?" He paused for a second, perhaps he was waiting for me to say something, but I was so tired my brain was going fuzzy and all I could manage was a grunt. "You know what? Why don't we make this official?" I squeezed Billie's hand gently in agreement "We are no longer friends,"  
"Aren't you worried about the age difference?" The second I said it I regretted it and I sent a curse at my parents for the constant lectures as a teen.   
"Why? How old are you?" Billie suddenly sounded panicked and he pulled away from me a little bit.   
"Twenty-five,"   
"Lily, three years is hardly a difference," Billie laughed, relaxed again. I don't know why I asked, I think somewhere in the back of my mind being so looked after by Billie and the others made me feel a lot younger than I actually was.   
"Okay then,"   
"You are strange, girlfriend," he placed a kiss on my nose.   
"Don't get all cliché and gross on me, Mr," I said softly, feeling the tendrils of sleep pulling me even closer. Billie gently rolled me over so he could pull me into his body, burying his head into the crook of my neck, the last thing I heard before falling into a deep sleep was him whisper  
"You don't even know how fucking amazing it is to call you mine,"

~~~~~~

I woke up the next morning hugging a pillow, which sent a bolt of panic through me that last night hadn't happened at all, but as I felt for my glasses and shoved them on I realised that I was in an unfamiliar room, Billie's room, and there was a very obvious smell that made a small satisfied smile start to tug at my features. I pushed myself up to look for Billie but he was nowhere to be seen. I reached for my phone on the bedside table and my hand touched paper. Immediately I knew from the messy scrawl it was Billie's and it simply stated that I was not to panic because he was just downstairs. I assumed he was alone and decided he could survive for a little longer as I hauled myself up and began to root around in he's room, searching for something to wear. 

When I made my way downstairs I followed my nose to the kitchen, where I once again found Billie. This time I stole up to him, wrapping my arms around his middle from behind and resting my head happily on the warm plane of his back. "What're you doing, Armstrong?" He didn't even flinch just turned so he could swoop down and press a kiss on my mouth. I found myself giggling against his lips, for some reason the thought that we both tasted of toothpaste was hilarious to me. He pulled back softly,  
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do tha- woah," he tailed off as his eyes left my face and trailed down my body. I was wearing nothing but the underwear from last night and Billie's denim jacket. He lunged for me, picking me up with ease and placing me on a counter top, positioning himself between my legs as he attacked my neck with peppered kisses.   
"That's not fair, Lily,"   
"What's not?" I played innocent as I traced patterns across his back.   
"Driving me wild, dressing like that," he almost growled. Getting the response I was aiming for my head fell back in laughter, to which Billie responded by shutting me up with a kiss.   
"No Jimmy this morning?" I asked, suddenly aware that our usual intruder wasn't around making snarky comments.   
"I locked her out," Billie grinned darkly and pressed another kiss against my mouth. 

"Okay, but actually I'm starving. What are we having?" I forced myself to pull away, but not far. Billie jumped and shot away from me, frantically back to his pan.   
"Burnt waffles if you keep distracting me!" He scolded, looking very adorable as he pointed the spatula at me accusingly. Stifling a giggle I slid down from the counter and into one of his barstools.   
"Then have it noted, sir, that I'm duly apologetic," he gave me a weird look as he set down two plates of waffles. We ate for a while in silence, I was far hungrier than I realised. I found that I kept watching Billie as I ate, and he me, so that our gazes kept meeting, but it was no longer awkward as every time it happened we both dissolved into giggles like a pair of teenagers. I liked to watch Billie, he was a very beautiful person in a morning. Well, actually he was always a very beautiful person, but that morning there was something spectacular about him that I couldn't quite place. 

He was wearing his boxer shorts and a random cotton shirt, which was pretty standard for Billie, but maybe it was the way he held himself a little more upright, or how he hadn't taken off his eyeliner so it was a little smudged or the way his usually messy hair was a complete birds nest with no rhyme or reason to it, with bits that were straight and bits that were curly and bits that were sticking up and out and bits that were stuck to his head.   
"You know, you have the best sex hair," I stated bluntly when he asked my what was up, before laughing at myself, God I sounded like Jimmy, which I decided wasn't an entirely bad thing. 

Once we had finished eating Billie had to go and get dressed. He reappeared with his hair back in its more organised mess and placed a quick kiss on my lips, again. "I have to go to the studio, I should be home for dinner but if I'm not don't stay up for me, okay?"   
"Okay," I lost myself to laughter again, which was a really bad habit. "Look at us being all domestic," I giggled, he got that funny look in his eye and swooped down for another kiss. 

It was at that moment that Jemima walked in, apparently knocking or even respecting the fact that this was somebody else's house was below her.   
"Gross," she sang as Billie and I sprung apart   
"Jimmy!" Billie started, but I intervened by placing both hands on his chest.   
"I thought you locked her out?" I questioned him with an soft laugh. Billie was scowling at Jimmy, but there was a smile quirking at his lips.   
"Well it would have worked better if she hadn't shoved her key down her pants," at that we all burst out laughing   
"Go to work," I said quietly.   
"Okay, love you,"   
"Yeah yeah. Love you too," I said as he pecked my lips a final time before leaving.

"Ew, if you're gonna be all mushy you should really get a room,"   
"Jimmy, we had a room! In fact we had a whole house! What are you even doing here?"  
"A hallway is not a room, well unless you're Tré, but that's a whole other story," she raised an eyebrow as she looked me up and down, suddenly I remembered what I was wearing and felt very self-conscious, I twisted in that funny way you do when you're trying to hide yourself.   
"Jimmy!" I shrieked.   
"What? Can't kill a girl for looking, especially when you're stood right there,"   
"Oh my God you have no shame," I whined at her smirking face.  
"Not a scrap. Anyway, relax, it's nothing I haven't seen before. Go and get changed, Ruby's coming over later," she said as she shooed me up the stairs. "Have you ever considered a threesome?" She shouted up after me.   
"Jimmy!" I yelled.   
"Just asking!" Her reply was getting fainter, telling me that she'd probably wandered off, most likely to raid the kitchen. 

I changed quickly into a pair of pale ripped jeans and a burgundy Harry Potter tank top. Jimmy was in the den when I next appeared.   
"There you are," she said as I collapsed next to her. She held up one of Billie's old VCR tapes to me and I grinned in approval. It was a shitty old horror film about a psychopathic magician who actually cut his assistants up and it was full of plastic limbs and red paint. We stuck the movie on and began to dig in on the snacks that Jimmy had set out, for about twelve people. We sat in companionable silence for about to twenty minutes until Jimmy suddenly spoke. 

"What's that?"   
"Huh?"  
"On your neck?" Without much warning she lunged and me, and had me pinned down. She sat on my hips with ease as she pushed aside the thin strap of my tank top to get a full look at the bruises forming on my neck. "Damn girl you got hickeys," she nodded approvingly.   
"You could've just asked, I would've told you," I muttered as I pushed her off me, and threw a handful of popcorn at her for good measure.   
"I like my way better though," she winked at me. "Anyway, so you got hickeys. Did you and Billie fuck?" My face was most definitely red as I hid from her. "Don't be shy, Lily, we all do it. Some more than others,"   
"Okay! Yes we had sex,"   
"Ah ha! I knew it, ten points for me," she sang. "And?"   
"And nothing. We had sex,"   
"Yeah and then what?"   
"Fine, he said he loved me,"   
"Yessss," she punched the air "and you said it back?"   
"Uh-huh,"   
"Great. Finally. It's about time you two fucked. Now how long ago was that....a month? Two? Thank you, Lily, I just earned my ass $100," 

"Jimmy, what have I told you about betting on your friends?" Another girl was stood in the doorway, it was Ruby. I'd only briefly met her a few times, but I quite liked her. She wasn't as loud mouthed as Jimmy, but she wasn't as painfully shy and awkward as me. She sat at a comfortable in between. Ruby was pretty, too, she was taller than both Jimmy and I and carried her self with a classy air that matched her sleek, city fashion looks. She had long auburn hair that was always left down in shining waves and soft mocha eyes, with perfect make up.   
"Don't do it?" Jimmy asked with wide, innocent eyes.   
"Exactly, but like you listen to the law major, hi Lily,"   
"Hey," I called to her. As she came in and sat down.   
"So, why are you $100 richer?" She asked Jimmy  
"Lily and Billie fucked!" She cackled with great glee.   
"That's it? Thank god, finally," Ruby said with a smile at me. "Sorry, Lily, it's been killing us watching the two of you struggle to control your sexual tension," she laughed and popped a handful of M&Ms in her mouth. My eyes widened as I had missed that bowl. I grabbed it off her at lighting speed and began munching like a crazed squirrel.   
"Oh yeah, Rubes, don't touch her M&Ms Jesus Christ, do you want to die?" Jimmy laughed. We didn't really pay much attention to the rest of the film, as we talked and giggled our way through it like teenagers on a sleepover, the girls demanding to know every last detail and as incriminating as it was, I was under death threats from Jimmy so I spilt the beans and told them everything. There was lots of squealing and Jimmy's comments making me try and burrow under the sofa as the blush covered me from head to toe. 

Once the movie ended, Ruby stood up. "Right, it's been great guys but I'm gonna have to go, Mike wants to take me to that fancy restaurant near Queens,"   
"Oh, that's nice that place," Jimmy stated knowledgeablely.   
"How you you know, Jim? You and Tré got kicked out," Ruby laughed as she   
"Have fun!" I called as she left.   
"I should get going, too," Jimmy said, "Tré wants a lock-in," she smirked and I could feel what she meant. "Oh, wash the sheets at 86 degrees. Does wanders for removing stains," and with that she left. 

I didn't do much for the rest of the day, aside from the washing like Jimmy told me to, and she was right of course. I think I would be very much dead without Jimmy by this point. Billie didn't come home till late, which meant I spent about an hour fighting with the oven before ordering a pizza. After pigging out on junk food I then crawled back into my own bed at a silly early time and was just drifting off to sleep when I heard Billie come through the front door. He was very quiet, careful not to disturb anything in case I was asleep. 

I vaguely heard the door creek as Billie came in to see where I was  
"There you are," he murmured. "What on Earth are you doing in here?" I felt him ever so gently pick me up bridal style and carry me across the hall. I was too sleepy to do much but snuggle further into his warm chest. He collapsed into his bed and resumed the same position as last night, curled protectively around me.


	15. If You Go Far

"Good morning," a pair of green eyes right above my own were the first thing I saw.  
"Agh! Billie!" In shock I pushed him off me and rolled back into the safety of the little warm cocoon I had made. His hands were there immediately, prying the covers off of me. "Go away," I whined, fighting back "Haven't you got to go to the studio or something?"   
"We're self-producing. I can take a day off whenever I want. Also, it's 11:30 get up,"   
"Noooo," my voice was muffled because I was shaking my head into the pillow.   
"Fine," he said and burrowed down beside me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body already and by turning myself around I could see that he was only in his boxers again.   
"That's not fair, you're not even dressed yet,"   
"I wake up, you wake up," Billie Joe smirked.   
"I like you a lot better when you leave me alone and cook breakfast," he kissed my nose before I swatted at his face and rolled over.   
"Lily,"   
"No."  
"Lils?"   
"I'm not talking to you," I was only playing at being serious   
"Why not?" I could hear the amusement in his voice and fought my own smile.   
"Because! You woke me up!" Billie chuckled and I could feel his warm breath on my neck, his lips resting lightly on my skin, sending a warm shiver through me.   
"C'mon, baby,"   
"Do not call me that." I said and got up. I'd never liked the term, and especially since Josh insisted on calling me baby or babe, I had a bit of a vendetta against it. Instead I stalked across the hall to my room, where I quickly changed and went downstairs. 

I was at the counter, scowling and cursing at American cereal because why can they not have normal food instead of freaking fruit Cheerios and marshmallows? After picking all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and putting them back in the box, I sat down at the counter and began to eat. Billie came in then, looking very sheepish.   
"Lily?"   
"Sorry," I cringed "I know, I need to stop overreacting at that,"   
"You've said before about Josh calling you baby, I should've known...oh my God I love you!" he shouted, thrilled as he poured himself a bowl of Lucky Charms that was more marshmallow than cereal.   
"Y'know I can't get why you don't like these things," he said as he sat down opposite me through a mouthful of pure marshmallow.   
"It just feels wrong to eat marshmallow at breakfast," I shrugged, growing up with strict parents had effected me more than I thought, shaping a lot of the little things I did everyday.   
"I really am sorry, Lils. If only there was something I could do to make it up to you," A familiar bolting look shot across Billie's eyes. "Saying as we have the house to ourselves all day," he added, when I gave him a blank look that said I wasn't mad at him.  
"Well," I dragged my words out slowly, and traced a line from Billie's Adam's Apple right down to the waistband of his boxers and the look on his face was one of pure excitement. "I want to be treated like a freaking queen for one thing," I laughed at Billie as his shoulders slumped down, clearly a bit put out that I wasn't begging him for sex. 

"Alright then, your majesty," he mock curtsied. "I think our first order is to discuss your sleeping situation," Billie spoke in a poor British accent.   
"What about it? And cut out the accent I like the way you talk,"   
"Really? Well, y'know, I came in late last night and you were in your bed,"   
"Because it's my bed?"   
"And you're my girlfriend and I wanna to go to sleep with you and wake up next to you. It also makes spontaneous fucking a little easier," he grinned.   
"Sold on the spontaneous fucking," I pressed a quick kiss to his lips and sprinted off to have a shower, leaving Billie in the dust. 

Once we were both showered and clean, Billie decided that the day's task was to move myself into his bedroom, which took us all day because we soon realised that I had a lot more stuff than it seemed, and also Billie kept getting distracted.   
"Billie, not that drawer,"  
"Why?"   
"It's my underwear drawer," I said, feeling the heat creeping onto my face. He grinned.   
"Excellent,"   
"Billie Joe!" And with that he had the drawer open and was rummaging through my pants. "Billie, I swear to God, stop it now!" He just gave me a crooked grin and kept digging, right to the back.   
"Didn't peg you as one of those girls," Billie said with a smirk, a black g-string dangling between his fingers.  
"Holy shit, put it back! My friend bought that for me as a joke to cheer me up,"   
"Have you ever worn it?" He asked, examining the minuscule scrap of fabric. I could feel the heat becoming painful, but there was no point in denying it.  
"Once, to this club," Billie swallowed and licked his lips as he was clearly imagining the scene.  
"Wear it for me?"   
"What? No!"   
"Please?" He begged, looking at me with wide eyes. I didn't say a word as I snatched the panties off of him and stuffed them in my back pocket. We finished the room shortly after that, and I decided to cook dinner. 

Billie said he wanted to help, although he wasn't very helpful at all. He spent most of the time sat chatting away, or coming up behind me and kissing my neck. I had just about put the lasagne in the oven when my phone pinged on the side.   
"Bill, what's that?" He leaned over to see the screen.   
"Um, you've been tagged in a post on Facebook?"   
"Facebook?"   
"Yeah," that was weird. I only had Facebook to keep in touch with all the people I knew back home, and I hadn't been active on it for ages.   
"Here, lemme see," I said and actually opened up the notification. 

Edmund Fitzgerald-Johnson tagged you and 183 others in a post:  
Calling class of '07! It's been 10 years since we finished Year 11 and went on to College and University. I am thrilled to invite you to come back to St Thomas' Academy on Saturday 2nd of September to catch up with our old chums in what will surely be the first of many reunions. We hope to see as many of you there as possible, especially you Captains - no excuses! 

"Oh. My. God," I muttered, a nasally voice away from sounding exactly like Janice.  
"Is everything okay?"   
"Yeah. I've been invited to a High School Reunion,"   
"What? I'm older than you and I've not been to one yet,"   
"Of course you haven't, the worlds most obsessive human has organised it. He wants to do one every ten years. I can't believe it's been that long already,"   
"Time flies, huh?"   
"Yeah it really does,"   
"When is it?"  
"Um, the second. Shit! That's in a month! I've got to book a flight!"   
"You're actually going?"   
"Yeah, it's all but compulsory and you do not want to be on the bad side of Edmund Fitzgerald-Johnson. You don't have to come or anything," I began but Billie cut me off.   
"England sounds fun. And I'd like to see your old stomping grounds," he smiled gently. 

After we ate I was sat in bed, nestled between Billie's legs as I scrolled through pages on my laptop of late flight bookings.  
"Oh for God's sake the only flight is two weeks before the damn thing. It's that or October,"   
"What are we gonna do in England for two weeks?"   
"Well there's the Air Festival on that weekend," I said, pointing to the calendar on my screen "So we can camp for a few days there. My parents live in London but we could get a hotel and sightsee for a while. Oh and of course there's Liverpool, too. I went to Uni there,"   
Billie rest his chin on my head and nodded. "You're in charge, whatever you want to do,"   
"Okay then. What time is it? I have to call my mum," 

The phone call was painful. My mother was a very grand woman, and she did not mix well with technology.   
"Lily! Darling it's so good to hear from you! Where are you?" She spoke loud enough so Billie could hear as well.   
"Hi, mum. I'm still in California, I'm staying in Oakland now. It's a bit of a way from L.A.,"   
"Oh thank the Lord. You know I never liked you living in that big city. With all that drinking and smoking and danger. Has Joshua Ryan got a new place? Please tell me you got a mortgage," Billie was trying very hard not to crack up beside me.   
"Mum, Josh and I broke up. I'm living with someone else now,"   
"Oh who? A friend?"   
"Well he was a friend. He's a little more than that now. Anyway, mum that's not why I'm calling,"  
"Oh do tell me his name!"   
"Mum,"   
"Lilium!" I couldn't look at Billie as mum used my full name.  
"Fine. He's called Billie Joe,"   
"William Joseph. He sounds like a well rounded young man," I looked at Billie apologetically.   
"Mum, he's right here."  
"Actually, ma'am, my name's not William Joseph, it's just Billie Joe," Billie added.   
"Oh dear Lord, he sounds like a hillbilly, Lilium!" I could hear my mother, in her silk dressing gown with her hair in curled clutching at her heart.   
"Mum he's not, he's a great man. Anyway listen, Edmund tagged me in a thing on Facebook-"  
"Edmund Fitzgerald-Johnson? Oh he was such a lovely boy! And what a name too. Now someone like you Lily should be finding a boy like that, not some Billie Joe Yankee." I rolled my eyes at Billie and stuck my tongue out at him, this was typical of my mother.   
"Anyway, Mum, he's invited me to a High School Reunion and so Billie and I will be coming over to England for two weeks,"   
"Oh you must come and stay, dear! And bring this Billie Joe character with you, too. Your father and I would love to meet him,"  
"Okay great, so we're just booking flights-"  
"Oh you should have said something sooner! We'll pay for the tickets," I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.   
"Well I only found out today, mum. So Billie and I will be doing some of our own sightseeing, but are we okay to stay for a few nights for the reunion?"   
"Of course, sweetie, of course! Chrissie will be so pleased to see you!"  
"IT'S CHRIS!" I heard my younger sister's faint shout down the hall. It always echoed there.   
"Tell her I said hi. I've got to be going now, mum, but we'll see you in a few weeks,"   
"When is your flight?"  
"Wednesday the 17th, we arrive at Gatwick at 9am,"   
"Excellent, I'll have a car sent for you,"   
"Yes mum, bye mum," I said and put the phone down promptly. It's not that I don't love my mother, I do and very much so, but she's a very difficult woman to talk to, and Billie was cracking up behind me. 

"You, Yankee, are you sure you're going to be able to cope with that for two weeks?"   
"We're only staying with her for a few nights, right?" Billie said a little worried.   
"Maximum. I do love her but she's a very difficult woman. Be prepared to be called Billie Joe for everything, if not William Joseph. My parents have a thing about names, they think it has something to do with status.   
"Will they like me?" Billie asked, and there was something about his worried look that warmed my heart a little bit.   
"Once they get over the heart attack, yeah. My sister will love you,"   
I twisted round and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, booked the tickets, put my laptop away and shimmied myself onto Billie's chest.   
"Night,"  
"Night."

~~~~~~

The following few weeks passed quickly. Billie was in and out of the studio trying to get as much work as he could done before the trip. I was buzzing about packing, whilst I adored my new home and friends in California, the nostalgia of home was growing stronger by the day and I was itching to get back. Jimmy did not take to the news well.   
"What do you mean, I can't come? I'll pay for my flight and everything. Don't leave me here with the boys," she complained for the umpteenth time, clinging onto my legs as we sat, going through my now expanded wardrobe.   
"Billie's going to give mum palpitations as it is, let's not finish her off by introducing you as well," Jimmy frowned a little, partly from what I said and partly from the old shirt in her hands.   
"What's wrong with me?"  
"Nothing, but my parents are stereotypical English people. They're not mad keen on Americans as it is without the whole punk thing. I mean, I'm still in trouble for this," I pointed at the tiny gem nestled high up in my left ear "And she doesn't even know about the tattoo," Jimmy's eyes went wide   
"She doesn't know!? Damn. I love that thing, show me again," she demanded as I pulled the waistband of my jeans down slightly to reveal the St Jimmy heart with a cross through it that was inked on my hip.   
"So like I said, she hates what I do, so seeing you will most likely finish her off," Jimmy laughed, seemingly amused that her dangerous appearance would be able to have that effect on someone.   
"Well if you ever need me to, just call," she grinned wickedly. 

All our bags were loaded into Billie's car and before I could process what was going on I was stood at Oakland Airport checking in my bags. The woman took mine and Billie's with a blank expression as she checked them through. Billie and I had four hours to wonder around the shops, eat and drink coffee.   
"Do you get recognised a lot?" I asked him over my latte. We were sat in a small coffee house at a tiny table. Billie pulled a face and shrugged.   
"Not as much as you'd expect, why?"   
"Is it crazy that I'm worried about paparazzi?" Billie just laughed gently and took a hold of my hand.   
"No, they're not that bad though. They like the actors more and you learn to avoid them," he said tapping the baseball cap that was somewhat concealing his messy hair. 

After a very long wait and endless security checks it was time to board the plane. As we climbed the steps Billie made an obvious gesture that he was pulling his jeans up to which I sent him a confused look. He leant close to my ear and whispered, "I got thrown off a plane once for having my pants too low," I couldn't help but laugh at him as we collapsed into our seats.   
"Are you ready for the most boring thirteen hours of your life?" I asked, already struggling to get comfortable in the small seats. Billie just smirked at me  
"It's gonna be many things, but boring ain't one,"


	16. Some Call It Nice

Six hours after take off it was getting into the early hours of the morning and Billie and I were the only ones awake in our section of the cabin. I was munching my way through my thousandth bag of peanuts and Billie had gone on a walk. He returned shortly after I finished my bag.   
"Heads up," I caught the object he'd thrown at me.   
"Haha yes!" I kissed him quickly as I opened the pretzel bag.   
Billie's arm came around my shoulder and pulled me into him. I pushed the armrest up so I could properly snuggle into his side. "I've never seen you eat so much," Billie said, quickly kissing my temple. I shrugged nonchalantly,  
"I don't know, I always ate loads at home," While we were still slightly compromised, it was enough to get comfortable enough to doze the last of the hours away. 

Someone was roughly shaking my shoulder, brining me back to life groggily.   
"Hey," I groaned to see a very unamused air hostess.   
"I'm sorry to break this up," she said in a false British accent "But we're landing now and you need to put your seat belts on," she scowled at Billie and I as if we were a pair of teens making out rather than a couple taking a nap.

After battling with the masses through customs and into the arrivals lobby for a good few hours I was exhausted and beyond ready to go home for a warm bath and a good sleep. I picked at my shirt that was stuck slightly to my chest.   
"I smell gross," I elbowed Billie who sent me a not-even-sorry smirk.   
We came out through the tunnel into Gatwick and immediately I felt myself shrink into Billie's side as we descended into the chaos, people with cardboard signs were shouting names in every direction and being vertically challenged I was having trouble seeing the signs through the hoards of people.  

"There," Billie said, one arm wrapped around my waist and the other pointing at a tall, balding man in a suit with a black cap. He had a sign with Orfield written in calligraphy and white gloves. I nodded at Billie and sighed.   
"For fuck's sake, we're not even that posh." Billie chucked beside me, before placing his hand on the small of my back and guiding me through the crowds in pursuit of our driver. I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes as hard as I did when I saw that the car was a black Mercedes. Billie was giggling.   
"This car is better than the ones we get picked up in for touring,"   
"Shut up," I scowled. "This is my mother trying to indimidate you by pretending we're so much richer than we are," 

The drive was fairly short, apart from when we got caught in traffic in the city centre. Billie and I didn't talk, both of us were staring at the famous landmarks flying past our window. We came into Kensington and the car pulled up on one of the big roads, outside a large, Victorian townhouse. The blue door with the white piping and the bronze number, 102, sent a bolt of warmth through me and the smile on my face was the biggest I'd smiled in a long time.   
"You okay?" Billie asked from beside me, his hand resting on my hip. In my overwhelming happiness I jumped into his arms, pecking his lips quickly and clinging onto his neck tightly.   
"Welcome home," I beamed, and dragged him up to the door. 

It was unlocked, as usual, which I was thankful for because I wanted a minute before I was inevitably bombarded by my family. The door clicked open and swing open, I stepped inside, Billie behind me. The tiles were still patterning the large hallway elaborately, and the walls were still a welcoming yellow. There was a large tree painted in the circular centre of the house which was new, decorating the wall where the spiral staircase wound its way up. The keys were still sat in a dish on top of an ancient bookshelf immediately to my left and to my right there was an array of multicoloured coats on a rack of hooks and underneath them were messily placed shoes. It smelt the same too, sending thousands of memories rushing back to me as the scent of slight damp, a heated stove and home cooking rushed to embrace me. I took a deep breath, watching Billie staring at all the various paintings and ornaments. 

"Mum, I'm home!" I called, exactly how I did when I was a kid coming home from school. I could hear her shoes clicking on the tiled flooring before she came at me.   
"Lilium!" She gasped, before strongly embracing me. She was wearing a house dress, her hair neatly curled and a little makeup on her face. The strong scent of her flowery perfume was immediately smothered all over me. "Oh it's so good to see you dear!" She exclaimed, kissing me cheeks frantically. "You look so well, very tanned. Honestly do you still have that ridiculous backpack?" She changed her tone, her nose turning to my massive bag.   
"Yeah I do, it's kinda sentimental,"   
"Kinda, you're speaking like a Yankee,"   
"I have been living with them for over a year, mum,"   
"Of course you have dear," she said, looking around distractedly.   
"Anyway, mum, I want you to meet my partner, Billie,"   
"What did you say his name was? William Joesph?"  
"Billie Joe, yes mum," I said, gesturing for Billie to stand forward. He pulled on a charming smile and held his hand out.   
"I'm Billie, it's a pleasure to meet you ma'am," he held my mother's hand delicately, planting a kiss on her hand. Mum sniffed, which was never a good sign.   
"Well, your accent isn't as horrendous as it was on the phone,"   
Billie laughed warmly. 

"Is Chrissie home?" I asked, hopeful to see my sister on the stay. Chrissie was only two years younger than me and we were always very close, I was hoping that she'd be able to get away from her university for a while so I could get to spend some time with her.   
"Of course," mum said, a dark look crossing her face. "That child never leaves," she brightened again, "she's in her room. Chrissie! Your sister's here!" Mum called up the stairs. There was a bang and a colossal shout of "IT'S CHRIS!" Before I heard the footsteps of my younger sister come bounding down. 

The girl that came down the stairs was not the same girl that I left last year. Chrissie had long blonde hair, that fell in a perfect waterfall and crystal blue eyes. She was stunningly beautiful and spent most of her time in jeans or shorts that would show off her assists and crop tops to match. Chris who came down the stairs had light, catlike footfalls, she had chocolaty brown hair in a very short pixie cut, this Chris' face was more pointed, and there were a lot of rings and gems curving up her hears. She was wearing a short patterned dress with leggings underneath and a green cardigan, a pair of brown boots on her feet. As she landed in front of me she looked almost ethereal, especially when I noticed a purple hue in her eyes.   
I raised my eyebrows in shock.   
"Chris. I like it," I grinned and she jumped on me, hugging me as if I hadn't seen her in years.   
"Oh for goodness sakes, what's the point in giving you a beautiful name like Chrysanthemum if you decide you want to be a boy!?" Chris completely ignored my mother's waffling.  
"Oh my God I missed you so much!" She squealed  
"Me too, God you've changed," I grinned.   
"You have too. You look, I don't know. Really healthy. Happy like," I couldn't wipe the smile off my face   
"I am happy, really happy. Chris, why are your eyes purple?"   
Her head fell back in laughter.   
"I'm trying something," she grinned.   
"I should never have let you go to that hippie school," mum was still muttering, clutching her heart as she wandered back into the kitchen.   
"Hippie school? I thought you got into uni?"   
"I did. It's an arts and design school, so obviously mum hates it," I grinned.   
"Nice to see someone is carrying on the chaos around here," 

Billie's rich laugh interrupted the reunion.   
"You, chaos?" He laughed at me, I turned around, sending him a playful scowl.   
"Hey! Just because I'm tame compared to you doesn't mean I didn't cause trouble around here," I was about to retort when I heard an audible gasp. Chris was stood staring at me with her eyes wide and her mouth open, her focus flicking between Billie and I.   
"Chris, you okay?" I asked her. She snapped out of whatever trance she was in to punch my arm, sisterly love at its prime people.   
"You didn't tell me you were seeing him!" I stared at her like she was mad.   
"I did? I told you Josh and I fell apart and I was seeing Billie,"   
"You said, 'a guy called Billie' not Billie Joe Armstrong," I rolled my eyes with a smile. Chris' eyes rolled back to the kitchen. "Muuuum!" She yelled.   
"What? Don't shout like that Chrissie we're not animals," she said, ignoring the fact that my sister was absolutely fuming at the name.   
"Did you know that Lily is dating the lead singer and guitarist of Green Day?"   
"No, what's that?" Mum said, looking at Billie as if she'd never seen him before.   
"He's in a band. One of the biggest punk rock bands on the planet. They wrote Dookie, American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown! They're in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with The Beatles!" I couldn't help but laugh at my mother's bewildered face, the only thing she understood was Beatles.   
"Is that supposed to mean anything? Because the only words I understood were punk and rock." She said coldly. 

I rolled my eyes, this was typical behaviour for my mother and to be honest, I didn't really care what she thought of Billie.   
"Anyway, mum. Billie and I are going to crash here tonight, then we're going to head up to the air festival tomorrow. Could I please borrow the camping stuff?" Mum sighed.   
"You're an adult. I can't really say no can I? Dinner's nearly ready, why don't you have a shower and get changed?"   
I nodded and thanked her, pulling Billie with me up the stairs and giggling at the fact that my sister was still gawping as if she'd seen God. 

Dinner was less painful than the first introductions. Chris had settled about the fact that one of her heroes was my boyfriend, and took to talking like a normal human, mum was quizzing Billie and the analytical look in her eyes was enough to say that she was desperately searching for faults. My dad had come in and he, like me, was the quiet type. So we were sat together talking quietly about what I'd been up to. Billie was a star, complementing mum just enough to be nice but not so much to sound like he was slimeballing his way up to her. I could see that mum was beginning to twitch, Billie was being a perfect gentleman and gave her exactly no reason to hate him, which was all she wanted to do because he was supposed to be a "punk". After tea I bid my parents goodnight and Billie an I headed upstairs together, much to my mother's distaste. 

Once Billie and I were settled in bed I leaned up to kiss him sweetly.  
"Thank you," I murmured against his lips.   
"For what?" He whispered back, his hands tracing up and down my sides.   
"Not making my mother hate you," Billie smiled again and kissed me, before shuffling down so his arms were around my waist and he could bury his head in my neck, and together we drifted off to sleep.

The next morning was chaos. Dad and I were digging around in the old attic, throwing tents and all sorts of random camping items at a bewildered Billie. Mum was fussing about, insisting on making sandwiches or something and Chris was being Chris. She was dancing around, half helping and half slipping Green Day lyrics into whatever she was saying, cracking Billie up. He wasn't being very helpful in the sense that he kept replying to her in his lyrics as well. 

Finally my old banger of a car that I was gifted with on my 17th was packed, all of Chris' records had been signed and I was hugging my parents goodbye and waving out the window as I drove away, shouting that I would be seeing them in less than two weeks.


	17. One Too Strong

Being in a car with Billie for near enough two hours was almost as bad as being on a plane with Billie for thirteen hours. Whilst the journey had been significantly shorter, I had the added distraction of driving, less helpful when I was desperately trying to focus on where I was going and remembering the route. At the same time Billie was having the time of his life. He was blasting music loudly, which is fine when you're not trying to remember if you turn off the M25 to the A221 or take the A217 and then take the A33 before tracking onto the B72. When on a plane, I also could devote my attention to Billie's affections. I learnt very quickly that when Billie wasn't driving, he was a very distracting passenger, taking particular joy in leaning over and kissing my cheek, nibbling my ear and running his hands up my legs. 

By the time we had reached the halfway point of the journey my knuckles were white on the wheel, my jaw clenched, my gaze steely on the road and every fibre of my being was aching for Billie, screaming for me to pull over and let him have his way.   
"Billie, stop it," I snapped, batting his hand away from my leg from the millionth time.   
"But I'm bored," he whined, his lips all over my ears and neck.   
"And I'm driving, there's plenty of time for that when we get there, Bill," he sighed, pulling away for a second, before I caught a devilish smirk in his eyes and he dove for me, catching my lips for a second. "Billie!" I shrieked. "You're going to cause an accident! I'll be arrested!" Billie was chuckling, but when he caught the look in my eyes he backed off.   
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," I smiled gently at him, patting his hand.   
"It's okay. Just hold on till tonight, yeah?" I winked and the smirk crept back onto his face. 

Once we arrived Billie checked in while I found a spot on the campsite. This place was my absolute favourite as a child, it was always the highlight of my summer holiday. The campsite was nestled in the middle of the New Forest, on a disused air field. After driving around the whole site I settled a small corner in the trees that was completely secluded, and quickly learnt that Billie was not at all helpful, having never been camping before. After he accidentally collapsed the tent twice and dropped the water container all over the floor I sent him to go and explore the woods whilst I set up. 

By the time Billie returned, face flushed and grinning as he babbled on about some horses and a herd of deer that he had seen, all the trees he had climbed and the lyrics he had thought of, I had the little two man tent up, the airbed and sleeping bags laid out and the tiny barbecue and stove out beside it.   
"Its small," Billie looked wearily at the tent.   
"It's for two people, and we're not exactly huge. They'll be loads of room,"   
Billie stared at me with an affronted look. His eyebrows furrowed together, he squared up his shoulders and placed his hands on his hips, green eyes glistening with trouble.   
"Are you insulting my height?"   
I folded my arms across my chest, suppressing a giggle.   
"Maybe," I teased, making a point of looking him up and down, my eyes landing deliberately above his head, as if I was wishing for him to be a good few inches taller. Billie paced slowly up to me,   
"Coming from you," he stood so he was able to look down on me. "Short stack," I gasped falsely,   
"Oh no you didn't!" What could only be described as a cackle bubbled from Billie's lips, his head thrown back, eyes closed and his jet hair hanging shaggily. I hadn't noticed that Billie's hair was significantly longer than it was when I first met him.   
"Oh yes I did," he sassed back at me, lunging at me. I darted away, Billie chasing after me and the both of us were laughing like a pair of teens. 

I was surprisingly quicker than Billie, but apparently playing on tour gives you more stamina, so within minutes of my little sprint I was out of breath and a guffawing Billie caught up to me. He cannonballed into me at full speed, wrapping his arms around me. We staggered forward, Billie holding me tightly, his head on my shoulder. I could feel his chest heaving from panting and laughter, his hair was tickling the side of my face. I leaned back into his embrace happily, turning around.   
"I love you," he stated bluntly. "Even though you're like two feet tall," I simply wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, smiling into the soft embrace and warmth in my stomach. 

We ate a quick barbecue with the food that mum had insisted on packing for us, before changing into our pyjamas and making the trip to the toilet block in the dark, which involved shushing a slightly giddy punk rocker every few seconds as we crept back through the undergrowth. I was carefully picking my pathway, even after missing out on the trip for two years I was still perfectly apt at treading softly in the woods and not disturbing anyone. My partner, however, was not playing the quiet game in the slightest. Billie was cartoonishly poor at being quiet, snapping numerous twigs, kicking rocks and tripping over his own feet.   
"Oh my God!" I whisper yelled at him when I felt a cold hand grab my arm and almost pull me over.   
"Sorry!" He hissed with a chuckle. Apparently, it's also hilarious to make animal noises, and whilst I was itching to get back to the tent, I was handling a five year old who was cackling to himself as he made owl hoots, whinnies, moos and even deer calls. 

The idiot even managed to trip over the guidelines and the pair of us went crashing into the tent with an umph.   
"Jesus Christ, Billie," I could just about see his eyes shining.   
"Sorry," I could hear the guilty grin in his voice, "I've never done camping before," I couldn't help but smile to myself at how adorable he was being.   
"Are you pissed?" Billie's voice was quieter than before, as if he was really nervous. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so annoying,"   
"I'm not pissed," I said quietly, "And you're not annoying," I reassured him, reaching for some contact. I heard him sigh happily, finding my wandering hand and grasping it tightly.   
"Good, because I don't wanna fuck anything up with you, y'know?" All I wanted to do was hold him as close as possible. Instead I shuffled into my sleeping bag, and helped Billie into his. I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "You'll need to try a lot harder than that to fuck it up," I whispered before curling into myself for a good sleep. 

Or at least that was the plan, again, Billie Joe had other ideas. I was woken up in the pitch black to a loud rustling, squinting I could just make out the figure beside me furiously shifting.   
"Billie?" I whispered, in response I got a strangled, startled sound. "Billie are you okay?" I heard him swallow faintly before a familiar chattering set off.   
"I'm fucking freezing," the only thought running through my head was aww.   
"Hey, I'm not some charity case puppy," Billie said, apparently I had awwed out loud.   
"Okay, get out of your sleeping bag," I instructed.   
"What? Are you nuts? It's freezing! I'll die!" He hissed.   
"Stop being so dramatic and get out,"   
"Fuck you, I'm from Oakland. It's warm there," he whined while kicking off the restrictive material. Ignoring Billie's sulking, chattering teeth and shivering I worked quickly to also wriggle free and zip the two bags together. Billie was right, it was particularly cold and I could feel our breath making the cloudy puffs and my fingers were seizing up.   
"Right, come here," I commanded and like a bullet out of a gun there was a very cold limpet attached to me. I pulled the makeshift quilt over the pair of us, and Billie shifted so that he was laid on his side, with his arms around me so that I was pulled into his body, my face pressed into the crook of his neck and our limbs intertwining. 

"I may not be a survival expert," Billie began, to which I gave a short, dry laugh, "But I do know that sharing body heat is the way to go,"   
With a smile I tilted my head upwards and caught his lips, just as I was about to pull away, Billie ducked his head down to keep it a little longer. When he did pull away from me, he kept his head very close to mine, so our cold noses kept brushing.   
"You taste like toothpaste," I smiled softly.   
"With toothpaste kisses and lines," Billie sang sweetly, humming a part of the song.   
"I'll be yours and you'll be," I finished.   
"Mine," he murmured, pressing his nose against mine in one last kiss, before we really snuggled down to sleep.

\---------

The next morning I woke up in the exact same position, Billie clinging onto me like a baby monkey. My eyes drifted up to Billie's face, ghosting over his features. The way his shaggy hair flopped onto the pillow, pieces sticking to his face, the way his eyes were softly closed, the skin smooth and relaxed as he was freed from all worries of the world, the way his nose would occasionally twitch or scrunch up, the way his perfect pink bow lips were slightly pursed. Without warning he stiffened and one dopey green eye focused on me.   
"Good morning sleepyhead," I murmured, pushing the strands of black hair out of his eyes. Billie's lips curved up into a gentle smile, and his grasp tightened for a second, until I flinched.   
"What? Are you okay?"   
"Huh? Yeah I just need to pee," I mumbled into his chest, blushing slightly. I could feel the laughter vibrating through Billie's ribcage. Clad in flip flops and armed with toiletries Billie and I trudged back across the now wet fields in pyjamas to the block. 

I hadn't been in there long enough to clean my teeth when a stunned looking teenager stumbled in. She looked like a younger version of Chris with crazy curly hair and bright, wide eyes. Her mouth was slightly open and her body stiff.   
"Hey, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," the kid stared at me and blinked twice.   
"I swear to God I just saw Billie Joe Armstrong walking across the campsite," I smiled at the sink, but the girl didn't give me chance to talk. "Please tell me you know who he is? Billie Joe? Of Green Day?"   
"Yeah I know who they are. Best band ever," the kid grinned at me. "You're probably not wrong either. Billie is here," the poor girl's eyes widened even more as she gasped at me.   
"Ohmygod! I think I'm having a heart attack!" She shrieked, before calming and glaring at me.   
"How do you know anyway? Who are you?" I stuck my hand out with a half smile.   
"Uh a friend of his, we're here together," the teen was clenching on my hand in seconds.   
"OMG! Are you the mystery girl he's talked about in interviews!?" I chuckled slightly, running my hand nervously through my hair. This was the first time a fan had approached me about Billie.   
"Uh, yeah, I guess,"   
"Holy shit I think I'm gonna faint," 

Once I had managed to escape the girl, which only happened once I'd introduced her to Billie and she'd hugged him for a whole minute and taken a thousand photos much to our amusement, Billie and I were changed and on the bus, headed into Bournemouth for the Air Festival. He got recognised a little bit, but not as much as I was expecting, and we had a great day blending into the crowds and enjoying the flying. 

During the highest point of the afternoon, when it was unseasonably warm and clear for English weather, Billie and I were sat eating ice cream with our jeans rolled up and toes buried in the sand.   
"You're lucky, I've sat on the cliffs in pouring rain before," I said, idly licking my ice cream.   
"Good, I hate the rain," Billie pulled a face, causing me to lean into his side softly.   
"How can you hate it?"  
"How can you love it? It's cold and wet." We were silenced for a second as a very fast and very loud Typhoon came thundering past. The plane sent a rush of adrenaline through me, it had always been a favourite of mine, the noise and the speed reminded me of the freedom I craved, and my Dad. The air shows were always our thing, we just tended to drag mum and Chris along as well. 

"Talk to me, Lily," Billie said as we were wandering down the boardwalk hand in hand.   
"Huh? I talk to you all the time,"   
"Tell me about you. Your childhood. Who were you before America?"   
"Woah, asking the deep questions there," I joked, but Billie didn't seem to get it, instead he stared at me blankly.   
"Okay, uh, I grew up in an insufferably posh house, with insufferably posh parents, where I went to the same insufferably posh school from the age of two till eighteen, where I transitioned to an insufferably posh university where I studied a very "useless" degree in English literature for creative writing. Then I met Josh, who was not insufferably posh and controlling and I fell in love with him and followed him to America. Where I lived in an insufferably manly bachelor pad and then I caught him cheating on me and went to a concert,"   
"And then you met me?"  
"And then I met you. An insufferably perfect specimen and also my teenage crush," I said, looking anywhere but at him as I spoke the last few words. Billie looked mildly shocked and mildly entertained by my little rant.   
"Is that it?"  
"In a nutshell," I replied.   
"You had a teenage crush on me?" He poked gently, a small smile on his face.   
"Kinda more like I was hopelessly in love with you," I laughed embarrassedly "You were so different to everything I knew growing up, you had this amazing band, and the best music ever and you guys were all over the media. And you were hot as fuck and so naturally I was so impressed by this rebellious little punk band that I adored you." Billie puffed his cheeks out as he exhaled a very soft "Wow,"  
"If we're being completely honest, said crush never went away," his eyes lit up and a huge smile split across his face.   
"I love you so much," he grinned, pulling me swiftly into his arms and effectively kissing the embarrassment away. When we separated he wrapped an arm around my waist as we continued to walk.   
"You're so adorable oh my God," he was still beaming about my little confession, I looked at the floor with a smile and half-shrugged. 

We spent the rest of the day up on the cliffs, sat on a picnic blanket with another blanket draped over our shoulders as we watched the night flying. Billie kept an arm around me the whole time, keeping me snuggled into his side at all times.   
"Okay everyone, this is the last flight of tonight," the commentator announced over the loud system as a small plane did a fairly quiet display, all while shooting out white gold fireworks. The firework displays were always beautiful, but with the clear night sky giving a perfect velvety backdrop, the constant presence of Billie and the bright contrast of the fireworks, everything was so much more spectacular.   
"The pilot says he dedicates this last move to everyone who helped organise the air festival this year and to all the couples out there," at those words Billie pulled me even closer, so my head was fully dropped onto his shoulder as the plane made one last manoeuvre, carving a sparkling trail in the shape of a heart before leaving. Billie turned to me and pulled me into a strong kiss, filling me with warmth. When he pulled away I felt like there had been a firework display in my system. I smiled dazedly at him, as he chuckled at my reaction. 

We packed down and joined the half hour queue for the bus back to the car park. The last thing I remember was sitting by Billie on the hot bus, drifting in and out of consciousness with Billie supporting my limp body.


	18. I'd Rather Go To Your Funeral

The next week flew by, we spent another day exploring the New Forest before heading back to London to do some sightseeing, which with Billie was like babysitting a five-year-old. He'd visited England when he was touring with Green Day, but had never been given time to get out into the city and explore. The guy was hilarious, staring around the pace with wide eyes as I led him to all of my favourite spots and monuments, basically bouncing as he got to be "A right proper Londoner," I had to hold my head in my hands with laughter.  
"Billie?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Never try to be English again," he giggled, like actually giggled and ran ahead to the fountains at Trafalgar Square. I was never quite sure, however, if Billie enjoyed the sightseeing or the hotel room more.

Time in those two weeks slipped by with alarming speed, and before I knew it I was back in my bedroom, snuggled into Billie's arms as he scowled at the T.V. After he scoffed for the thousandth time I turned around. Billie's eyes were fixated on the screen, the images flickering and reflecting across his beautiful green eyes, his eyebrows were furrowed together, his lips scrunched up slightly and his full bow lips were pulled into a small pout, twitching occasionally as if he was constantly torn between keeping his silence and making a comment.   
"Beej?" He cast his eyes down to me, he had been sat leaning against my headboard whilst I had been laid down, my head resting just above his lap where he had been absently running his fingers through my hair. Billie's expression changed from one of confusion to one of disgust. The look stung a little bit. "What?" I asked him timidly.   
"You actually watch this garbage?" He scowled. I cast my eyes over to the screen where two Frenchmen were stood atop their castle, taunting the English knights by slapping their hands on their helmets and blowing raspberries.   
"Hey! This is iconic!" I retorted playfully. Billie's rich laugh echoed around the room for a few seconds.   
"This is shit,"   
"Insult Monty Python once more and you can sleep in the guest room, where you're supposed to be," Billie smirked at me.   
"Sorry," he grinned, telling me he was absolutely not sorry at all. After another half an hour of aimless bickering, stolen kisses and Billie slagging off British TV, we eventually settled down to sleep. 

I woke up in the pitch black, drenched in sweat and feeling nauseous. I wracked my brains for any memory of the nightmare that had woken me, only to come up short, however the image that swam to the front of my brain was enough to twist my stomach into knots. I'd managed to subconsciously stress myself out about the reunion the next day so much so that I'd woken myself up, by squinting at the faintly glowing green numbers of my alarm clock I realised it was 3am. I took a shuddering breath and rolled over, digging myself into the small nest I had created, burying my face into the crook of Billie's arm, heaving a calming breath as his scent washed through my system. Billie smelt fantastic, he had that typical guy smell, his cologne faintly clinging to him as well as something slightly musty in a good way, that could only be described as the lingering smell of a concert (which I guess is really just a combination of sweat and smoking electricity but either way it was perfect on Billie) and of course the soft smell of linen from his shirts, he used the really amazing fabric conditioner and the smell of fresh laundry was always on him and his hair always had the faint drift of a sweet-smelling product. At once I felt myself begin to settle and before long I was drifting back into slumber. 

At 4:38am I had the same issue, and at 5:42 and at 6:18, by which point I was so panicked for the fucking reunion that not even Billie's presence could calm me down, and I hadn't woken him because when he slept he looked so damn perfect and peaceful that I couldn't bring myself to do it. As 6:30 rolled around and my heart rate was only increasing about the day to come, I physically couldn't get my eyes to close and it felt as if my blood was racing. I switched my TV on and found Comedy Central where Friends reruns were on, but not even the familiar sound of Joey and Chandler bickering could settle me. Before I'd even watched one episode I'd made up my mind of what I needed, and just like in my high school/university days I felt the familiar beckoning from my wardrobe. 

I crept out of bed, determined not to wake Billie as I scraped my hair into a tiny ponytail, pulling on my leggings, sports bra and tank top as well as my trainers. Just like I used to for maximum silence, I hopped onto the metal banister of the stairs and slid down, landing lightly at the bottom and effectively avoiding creaking stairs. Once outside I set off my favourite playlist, which unsurprisingly was mainly Green Day and after stretching began my run.

I may not have done morning running for over a year, but I think some things never leave you, and for me running was one of them. Immediately the streets were so familiar it was as if I hadn't been living on the other side of the planet, the cold sting of morning air and the settling fog were welcoming to my tired state, fully awakening me and the pounding beat in my ears caught up with the adrenaline pulsing through my system, forcing a smile onto my face. I never felt as good as I did when I ran, I felt awake, I felt refreshed, I felt fit, I felt good and most of all I felt alive. The only other time I had felt this good, right where I belonged, was when I was in the middle of the pit, gazing up at Billie and the guys playing their hearts out. 

When I slowed to a walk at the top of my road, I realised I had been out for over an hour and a half and despite the fact that my chest was heaving so hard it was almost spasming and I was physically dripping in sweat, I felt goddamn fantastic. I walked back into the house to see my mother pottering about.   
"Oh, good morning dear," she said, looking mildly shocked.   
"Morning," I panted back, still fighting for my breath. So maybe I wasn't as fit as I used to be. Sue me.   
"I didn't know you still ran?" Mum said, looking faintly curious.   
"I haven't for ages. Just needed a stress buster," I forced the words out.   
"Oh!" Mum  looked at me weirdly, her head cocked slightly to the side. "What are you worried about? The reunion? Oh Lilium, come on! You'll be fine!"   
"Mum," I groaned. This conversation was difficult enough as it was, without having to add on the fact that I was drenched in sweat and extremely out of breath. "These people were my friends. I've not talked to some of them for years, I have ex-boyfriends there that will hate Billie, I have to see Edmund!"  
"You're taking William?" Her voice turned cold. I suppressed a sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose.   
"He's called Billie, just Billie. And of course he's coming,"  
"Lily, look, it's not as if I don't like him, he's perfectly charming and you always did like that ridiculous music that he makes, but is he really the type you want to take to St Thomas'?" I scowled at her condescending tone of my boyfriend.   
"Yes," I snapped. "I'm going for a shower," I sighed irritably and stormed up to the bathroom. I knew mum wasn't keen on Billie because he wasn't an upper class Englishman, and I knew she was already being amazing by letting him stay with us, but I was still pissed that she was ashamed of me, of him. She didn't want him going to my school. And there was no way she was doing that to ''protect me''. 

In my little strop I collided with another body at the top of the stairs. Assuming it was my sister, as she was permanently in the way as proper little sisters should be, I made an angry noise in the back of my throat.   
"Chris, get out of the way!"   
"Woah," a very American accent responded and on tilting my head slightly upwards I noticed that it wasn't Chris, but a very confused Billie. Billie had hold of my arms, and as he took a step back his expression changed in a second. His eyes immediately dilated so there was only a thin ribbon of green around deep black pools, he swallowed thickly as his eyes roamed my body, the confused look dropped and was replaced with one that I couldn't recognise.   
"What?" I snapped, not in the mood for anything. Billie swallowed again and shifted.   
"I didn't know you run," he said, his voice restricted as he swallowed again.   
"Old habit. Why are you staring at me?" Billie's boyish smile crept back over his features.   
"Only because you look so hot right now," he almost purred.   
"I'm sweaty and gross and going for a shower you weirdo," I rolled my eyes and went to walk past him, until he stopped me. "What!?" Billie's lips were teasing the flesh around my ear.   
"You're so cute when you're angry,"   
"Not in the mood and not angry,"   
"I love you,"   
"Very nice, Billie. Now let me go, I have to be ready in an hour,"   
"Do you have to?" I could feel the smirk in his voice as he paused from where he was purposefully making a mark at the base of my neck.   
"Yes,"  
"We could stay here," I sighed at my horny excuse for a boyfriend, but nonetheless a smile was returning to my face.   
"As much as I'd love to, I really have to go to this. It's why we're here after all," I sighed, wriggling free from Billie's grasp and skipping into the bathroom before he could follow me.

Once I'd locked the door I gripped the sink to steady myself and stared in the mirror, partly because I was feeling the burn in my legs from the run and partly because the tightening metal bands of anxiety were beginning to creep around my chest. I peeled off my sweaty clothes and jumped in the shower, quickly scrubbing down before hopping out. I ignored Billie as I grabbed the clothes closest to me and changed. It wasn't that I was pissed off at him, but I knew that if I responded to Billie we would never get anything done. 

Once I was dressed in grey skinny jeans and a floaty purple top with decorative stitching around the front. I pulled my denim jacket over the top because I was still me after all and a pair of silver heels. Billie watched with an eyebrow cocked,  
"What?"  
"You can pull off classy young woman so well," he grinned. Billie was not dressed like a classy young man at all, not that I minded in the slightest. He was wearing tight black skinny jeans, with a black t-shirt, a open grey shirt thrown over the top and a leather jacket over the top of that with his black loafers that gave him another few inches in the height department. 

"Right, let's get moving," I said, heading out towards the hall.   
"Wait!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me into him, snapping a few photos on his phone and stealing a kiss, before dragging me out of the door and onto the streets.  
"What the hell was that about?" I asked, chuckling into Billie's arm as we slowed to a walk.   
"We look cute together today," he shrugged. Being uncoordinated and awkward, there was no chance I would be able to lean up and kiss his cheek, and we didn't have time to stop for anymore snogging sessions, so I just ran my hand down his arm, tangling our fingers together in a silent gesture. 

Ten minutes or so later and I was turning into the driveway of the school. The walk was so familiar that even though my mind was completely absorbed and controlled by Billie, my feet easily found their place. As we neared the school gates I could almost hear my heart beat, it was thudding so fast and loud and I had to disconnect my hand from Billie's to wipe my sweaty palms, before clenching them into fists so that the shaking wasn't as obvious. As we neared the gates I felt Billie stop beside me, I turned around questioningly at the confused man stood behind me.   
"What?"  
"Holy fuck," he muttered under his breath.   
"What? Billie, are you okay?" I asked as he shook his head, eyes widened in what must only be disbelief.   
"You didn't tell me you went to fucking Hogwarts," I stared at him as he caught up to me and we continued to walk.   
"I didn't, oh," I stopped my sentence. 

I'd forgotten how grand the building of St Thomas' Academy was. Sprawled out across manicured lawns was a great Elizabethan building, fully carved with elegant architecture. The reception was resembling a castle, with pillars, huge oak doors and various turrets. If you walked through to the school it didn't look dissimilar to the Houses of Parliament, and there was even a cathedral-like church on site, as well as the dorms for non-local students.   
"I guess it is kinda big," I shrugged. 

Those were the last words I spoke to Billie for a while, because the second I'd walked through the oak doors into the reception there was an eruption of noise and I was swept up into the arms of my old classmates. I had just began to greet my old best friend, Heather, when a booming voice echoed.    
"Lilium!" Edmund Fitzgerald-Johnson was marching across the hall to see me, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, steeling myself for the upcoming situation. My breath caught in my throat a little bit, Edmund had matured well since I last saw him as an 18 year old. He looked the same, sandy brown hair swept in that perfect way to the side, bright blue eyes shining, his face was still chiselled, with every bone defined and now there was a small scruff on his face, which suited him fantastically, he was tanned and toned and fit his 6'1 frame. He was wearing a striped Jack Wills shirt, with long shorts and navy vans to match his shirt. Thomas did the rich sailor boy look breathtakingly well. Before I could function, he had picked me up with ease and was grasping me tightly, before leaning to set me down. He still smelt of expensive aftershave.   
"Lily it's so good to see you!" He gushed. "You look great! A little tanned, where have you been? It looks like you've had a great summer. And how did you get on after university? Hattie said you just fell right off the radar! Oh it's so great to see you again, I've really missed you, you know,"   
"Um, I've not been on holiday," I managed "I moved to America, I've been living in California for over a year now," Edmund's face fell.   
"California? Why didn't you tell me? Well at least you're back now, anyway, I've been thinking, how did you feel about rekindling that old flame?" He nudged my arm and winked at me. I felt my stomach drop, Edmund and I had dated for a two years back in school, and while I had been serious, we'd broken up because he was really starting to get on my nerves. I should have known that self-righteous Edmund would have had to mention it.   
"Jeez, Eddie. I've seen you for like five seconds," I said softly, trying not to engage.   
"So? Lily come on, we had something special,"   
"Care to introduce us?" Billie had stepped back to my side and was stood closely by me, scowling up at Edmund, who towered above Billie and was looking at Billie with disgust, clearly judging everything about him from the skin tight jeans to the eyeliner that he has insisted on wearing today.   
"Oh, right um, Billie this is Edmund, he's my friend from high school, Edmund this is Billie, I'm living with him in Cali," I said, putting stress on the fact that I lived with Billie, hoping he'd get the message.   
"Just friends," Billie muttered but took  Edmund's outstretched hand with a grimace.   
"Billie? Is that short for William? It's a nice name, good to meet you, I hope you've been taking care of your roommate?" Edmund's obnoxious laugh boomed around the room.   
"It's Billie Joe," the little shit drawled, really thickening the accent around his name. "And I've taken excellent care of my roomie he," he smirked, squeezing me into his side for a second. Apparently the reference went straight over Edmund's head. Sensing the palpable tension between the two guys, I decided to step in.   
"Right, I'm off to find Hattie," I said and stalked off, Billie immediately following. 

"Old flame?" he hissed in my ear. "You didn't tell me you went out with him!"   
"I didn't think it was a big deal," I responded with a shrug as I smiled and greeted everyone.   
"How is it not a big deal? I bet he only invited you so he could have another go!"   
"Billie, stop it. I didn't think it was a big deal because I'm with you now and I'm beyond over him. End of," Billie nodded, but I didn't miss the mumbled words aimed at the floor.   
"But everyone wants you with him. It's easy for you to leave me," not wanting to kick off an argument, I decided to ignore the offhand comment.   
"HATTIE!" I shrieked as soon as I spotted the tightly curled hair on the back of my best friend's head.   
"LILY!" She responded in the same tone and before I knew it we were screaming and hugging.   
"Oh Em Gee! I've missed you so much!" She gushed, I tried to ignore Billie's scoff. "How are you? How's Josh?" She wiggled her eyebrows. Hattie was the one that had pushed me to go to America with Josh. She said I needed the change.   
"Oh, Josh and I broke up ages ago," I shrugged Hattie looked shocked.   
"Really? What did you do?" I scowled at her.   
"Why do you think it was me? I dumped him," I heard Billie's little noise of satisfaction even if no one else did.   
"Oh," she went quiet, her hair bobbing with her head. "Well I just thought, why would you break up with a celebrity?"  
"He cheated on me," I shrugged, which set off a whole lot of sympathetic hugs and words. By now the entirety of my old friendship group were back in the circle. There were a few guys, too. I recognised the most of them from school, but there were a few new faces, all of which were introduced to me as very rich up-and-coming businessmen.   
"Guys it's fine, I'm okay," we chatted on for a bit, before Hattie popped the question that was clearly burning a hole in her.   
"So, are you with anyone now?" Suddenly, all the attention was on me again. I grinned shyly.   
"Actually, yeah, he's over there," I pointed to the back of Billie's body, where he was examining some art display.   
"The short guy?" One of my friends, Katherine, asked me bluntly, with a disgruntled look.  
"Yeah, he's called Billie,"  
"Awww!" Hattie shrieked. "You always said you wanted to go out with a Billie, after Billie Joe Armstrong. Oh my god I remember we used to have the biggest crush on him!" I fought the fact that my face was heating up.   
"I heard my name," Billie appeared beside me with a wolffish grin.   
"Hi," I greeted him, before turning to my friends. "Guys this is,"  
"Billie," Hattie breathed. "Billie Joe Armstrong. You're Billie Joe Armstrong," Billie chuckled at the woman who was accusing him and grinned shyly.   
"Yeah, yeah I am," Hattie shrieked and turned to me, launched into a babbling reel as she demanded I tell her everything about how I managed to get with our teenage idol. 

The day was fairly dull after that, it was only Hattie and my friends that recognised Billie, and somehow news got back to Edmund about who Billie was and he was off glowering at Billie for the rest of the day. Once all the school stuff was done we went out for a meal to catch up. I was beginning to realise that everyone had changed so much, even Hattie wasn't the same. She used to be giddy, excitable and bubbly and would be first involved in everything, but now with her entrepreneur husband, she was so different. She kept casting this worrying, disapproving look at Billie, especially when he did something adorable and awkward, and she didn't have a drink. By the end of the night, after having been told off by Hattie several times for bringing up our old inappropriate and inside jokes, I was feeling well and truly homesick. I missed the sun, I missed Mike and Trè and most of all I missed Jimmy, whom I had been texting the whole day and we were ranting about how fake everyone was. After plenty of snarky comments aimed at a glowering Billie, I threw my share of the money down and prepared to leave. I smiled falsely and kissed everyone on the cheek, until I was quickly pulled aside. 

Expecting it to be Billie for an impromptu make out session, I was startled when I looked up not to see the black-lined green that I loved, but pale blue.   
"Edmund!?"  
"Don't fight it, Lily," he murmured, slimy lips on my neck making me squirm. "You want this," I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him off.   
"I'm sorry, Eddie, but I don't. I don't know if I made it clear earlier, but I'm with Billie, and I'm very happy with him," Edmund scoffed, not taking rejection well.  
"Don't be ridiculous, you're having a fling. He's an American punk, you're not serious. Did you see the way he ate? He has no manners!"   
"He was fine," I spat back. So Billie was a little messy and not necessarily British with his manners, but I found it endearing nonetheless. Edmund leaned down, forcing his lips onto mine. I leapt backwards in shock.   
"Edmund! Don't! I'm in a relationship!" I gasped, repulsed at the pushy man. 

It was at that moment Billie came looking for me, his face immediately dropped at what he saw. My heart plummeted as I saw the undoubtable pain flash across his eyes, before I had a chance to respond his expression turned sour, he looked venomously angry.


	19. Sucking Up You Social Sect

"What the fuck?" Billie spat, his face flickering between pure, white hot fury and hurt. "What the actual fuck?"  
"Billie,"  
"Fuck you. No, fuck him,"   
"Billie, listen," I pleaded   
"Billie listen," he mocked like a child, wobbling his head about and mimicking my voice. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes, hurt beginning to pierce through me at his lack of listening.   
"I'm going home," I said, my voice horrible squeaky and constricted from trying not to cry. I sent a particularly nasty look at Edmund, "Don't keep in touch," I stormed back into the main restaurant lobby.   
"Hattie, I'm going home," I said to my once best friend, who was chatting weddings and babies with one of the girls we used to hate.   
"Huh? Okay bye sweetie," she said falsely, not even noticing my tone, or the fact that my eyes were swimming with tears. 

The cold London air was surprisingly soothing as it stung my face and the tears began to fall freely. I didn't make it very far before I couldn't see through the watery blur and I couldn't breathe from the panicked gasps of non-existent air. I felt like I'd just been beaten up on the inside, I felt lost with Hattie, who was supposed to be my best friend I felt betrayed by Edmund, who was supposed to respect me and I felt broken by Billie, who was supposed to trust and listen to me. I ended up sliding down a wall and holding myself as it felt like my world was crumbling. I didn't know what to do, Billie was very monogamous and I was terrified he would leave me, I was terrified he thought I had wanted Edmund's slimy mouth on me, I was terrified because in a few months I'd gone from not knowing him to not knowing a life without him. I wanted to go home, except I didn't really know where home was anymore, there was a big part of me that said home was right here in England, but also a part that was screaming at me to go back to Oakland and spend my days with Jimmy and the others. They felt like family to me by that point anyway. 

"Lily?" A hoarse voice startled me, I looked up sadly only to feel my system tear into two: absolute relief and ice cold dread. Billie was staring down at me, his eyes red. Without saying anything he reached down, I grasped his hand and even the electric bolt that I was still getting used to was dampened, Billie helped me up and we began to walk side by side home. The silence was stale and awkward and charged with hurt and anger on both parties. I'd never been through something as uncomfortable as that with him.   
"Billie?" He was staring at the floor, scuffing his shoes along the pavement. When I said his name he barely looked at me. "I can't believe he did that,"  
"I can't believe you let him do that," he snapped immediately.  
"Jesus Christ, Billie. I didn't want him to," Billie was scowling again, and I could feel the frustration building up at his disbelief in me.   
"How can I believe you? We flew to the other side of the fucking world for a high school reunion at the drop of a hat for this guy, I then find out that you used to date him, and that he fucking wants to get back together. You follow him for two minutes and the next thing I know you're fucking all over each other!" I rolled my eyes.   
"You're so blind! He caught me by surprise when he kissed me and I pushed him away immediately because I love you!" He shrugged and kicked at a wall, too stubborn to listen to me. By this point we were home and the both of us were fuming. 

I had slammed the door a little too hard, because mum flounced into the spacious hall in a flowery nightgown.   
"Everything okay dear?"  
"Peachy," I snapped through gritted teeth.   
"It was shit," Billie cut in. I winced, my family did not approve of swearing, and it was evident in my mother's pursed lips, but she held her tongue. Chris, however did not. Her voice floated downstairs.   
"Fifty pence in the swear pot!" She sang as she leapt downstairs and landed, grabbing the wooden box off the baker's rack.   
"What?" Billie stared bewildered at Chris, who's small hands were wrapped around a faded pink money box with a 3D wooden princess on it that she was holding out to him. "What is that?" Chris grinned wickedly   
"The swear pot. Every time you say a swear word you have to pay fifty pence," digging into my pocket I produced a shining coin, irritably slotting it into the hole at the top. "Corrupt little snot," I playfully scowled at her. "Do not pay her a penny," I warned Billie, disregarding the fight to keep up appearances with the family. "She saves up and spends it all on ice cream in the summer. Anyway, it's been a long day, I'm going to bed." I said and bid my mum, sister and dad who had appeared unexpectedly goodnight. I heard Billie say something politely and follow me up. 

I changed into my pyjamas with my back turned, the uncomfortable silence settling between us.   
"I'm not even surprised anymore," Billie muttered.  
"What?" I gawped at him incredulously  
"Why wouldn't you choose him over me?" I could feel the anger beginning to radiate off Billie, crashing onto me in waves that boiled my blood.   
"How dare you! I already told you I pushed him away immediately, how could you ever accuse me of cheating when you know what Josh did to me?" Billie ran a hand through his hair roughly, almost ripping it out as he growled angrily.   
"How could I? Quite fucking easily, Lily. He's a filthy rich perfect child, with the looks to match. He's everything everyone wants you to have and everything I'm not. Y'know, he can give you everything I can't with ease and you were clearly a power couple before, you're better off with him. Did I mention he looks perfect for you? All tall and handsome and shit," Billie ranted, getting himself worked up. I could feel a lightness in my chest, Billie was pissed, sure, but I could handle him, I just had to break through his insecurities about being left, which were fucking adorable thank you very much, and remind him who I chose.   
I couldn't help but smile. "What? Are you gonna leave me for that asshole? I bet you are, you were too good for me anyway. What the fuck was I thinking, some fancy English chick would actually like me. Yeah right,"

I had crawled across the bed to where Billie was having his little fit. He wasn't even looking at me, staring furiously at the floor or at the decor in my room instead of me and blinking hard, his shoulders were squared off and I could tell he was waiting for the blow from me, for me to say it was over. I grabbed Billie by the collar of his leather jacket so the idiot would look at me. He did, but reluctantly, his eyes were clouded and screwed up where he was fighting to not let the tears overspill.   
"I choose you," I whispered.   
"What?" He said in that blunt way that I loved.   
"I'm choosing you. I already had chosen you, over twatface Edmund and anyone else," I stated boldly. 

Before I had time to finish my sentence a pair of burning lips were forced onto my own, Billie me to him with such intensity that it took my breath away. I had to shove him away for a second and remember how to breathe. I also pretended not to notice Billie roughly drag his sleeve across his eyes, before he had grabbed my hips and pulled me into him, crashing his mouth against mine properly. The kiss was filled with a new kind of fire, not the slow burn of love, or the erratic electrostatic of lust, but a powerful, overwhelming anger. I responded with equal pressure, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and pressing myself into him as much as possible. Billie's hands dragged from my hips upwards, pressing his thumbs roughly into my collarbones and tracing my face before grabbing onto my hair, tugging meaningfully, his tongue pushing into my mouth in such an authoritative manner that my bones may as well have turned to jelly, and I was putty in his hands. Billie twisted and flicked his tongue in my mouth, I immediately let out a low whine and I could feel the smirk on his mouth grow, especially when his hands moved downwards and began to grope my bum. He squeezed me hard and I yelped a little, but let him wrap my legs around his waist and he pushed the both of us powerfully onto my bed. 

Billie pulled away for a second, his lips were already swollen and shining and his shaggy jet black hair was thoroughly messed up, clean shaven cheeks flushed and his green eyes shone darkly, especially when they were lined heavily in black. Something seemed to pass between us in the eye contact, because simultaneously we had moved forwards to kiss, banging heads momentarily before fumbling for lips. I let out a groan of satisfaction and heard Billie cuss. 

Billie was being quite rough with me, he wasn't hurting me, I knew he would never, but he was definitely stronger and more dominant than usual, and it was really turning me on, which was a little surprising. I just put it down to Jimmy rubbing off on me. Billie's hands were roaming all over my body, groping me with obvious pleasure. I was normally quite shy about the touching, but he was being so controlling and bold that I had no trouble with running my hands from his hair, down his neck which made him shiver and press a "Fuck," onto my neck and down his jacketed back, before around his waist, making no shyness when it came to moving my fingers lightly across the already obvious bulge in his skinnies which made him buck powerfully, something which always amused me about Billie. He came across so under control and shit when it came to sex until you actually touched him and then he turned into a teenage boy. I gasped as his lips slid off mine and trailed to my neck, fingers at the hem of my shirt. 

Whatever Billie was on, I was loving it. He had thrown caution to the wind as he whipped my shirt over my head without even so much as pausing for my permission, staring greedily at my exposed top half and muttering curses under his breath before he began to lick at my collarbones, hands mauling at my bra. I shuddered a gasp and pushed his jacket off his shoulders, before pausing to pull off his shirt and t-shirt. Billie grinned at me wolfishly and kissed me hard, removing my bra without having to look. My back arched upwards involuntarily at the new skin contact between Billie and I, which only helped him. As soon as he'd tossed the article of clothing across the room he went back to my neck, his hands kneading my breasts, sending breathy moans wracking through my body. My limbs spasmed a little bit as I felt the first graze of Billie's teeth against a point on the base of my neck. Billie immediately bit down and began to suck, hard. It didn't really hurt, even when he began to nibble at the flesh as well, because combined with the feeling of his hands all over me, his hot breath and the skin-on-skin brushing of our torsos I was a mess. 

He pulled away seconds later and I knew from the satisfaction on his face that there was a deep, purple mark there.   
"You know what that says?" He growled, his voice hadn't dropped several octaves like it usually did, but instead had gained this thicker, husky texture to it, not dissimilar to when he sang, making goosebumps erupt over my shivering skin.   
"That says you're fucking mine, my property and if anyone touches you, I swear to god," I was not about to deny it, the way Billie was talking to me right then was turning me on so much there was a demanding, throbbing heat between my legs that was pulsing outwards. I simply moaned in response, unable to do the words. 

Billie's lips slid across me to a familiar point just above my left breast where he began to suck in another hickey, at the same time his fingers were fiddling effortlessly with the buttons on my jeans. My heart was thudding right under his lips as my hips shifted upwards, allowing him to shuffle my jeans down.   
"That's mine,"   
His lips moved down, so they were most definitely on my breast, and he began the same pattern as he pulled my jeans off my legs and threw them somewhere. His darkened eyes were glazed as he caught my gaze for a moment, something new was glittering in the green irises, threatening something dangerously thrilling.   
"Mine," 

His hot lips dragged across my body until they came to land on my right breast,   
"Mine," then back up to my throat,   
"Mine," my neck,   
"Mine," back down to my stomach,  
"Mine," at the same time his fingers were glazing over me, as if he was trying to memorise me.   
"Mine, mine, fucking mine," he growled looking back up to me. His already full lips were swollen and his hair was making shadows on his face and I was so in love with him. 

I had my arms flung loosely around his back, my fingers tracing the small area of spine I could reach at the back of his neck, and I could feel his body quivering slightly. I looked down at the space between us, which wasn't much. All I had on was a pair of underwear, Billie still had his jeans on. I very slowly moved my gaze up from his hands that were resting on my hips, winding up his colourful arms and across his sculpted shoulders, before moving down his chest, taking in every tattoo that adorned his body as I moved down to his flat stomach, and narrow hips where the silver studded belt held the jeans up. There was now a very obvious protuberance that pointed up at me and was restricting his movement uncomfortably. 

I reached down between us to take a hold of Billie's belt, but he growled and slammed his lips onto mine, making light work of his clothes as well. In seconds Billie was down to his boxers, and his lips had fallen off mine as his hands began to move again, nearly ripping my panties off in his haste.   
"Fuuuck," I hissed the second his fingers made contact with me, and almost immediately Billie was saying the same thing. With very little effort he found the spot that made my body arch upwards involuntarily. Billie really wasn't messing around, his face was furrowed to a scowl as his movements were erratic and ferocious. The reaction he had on me was indescribable, my body was completely out of control, bucking and arching into his hand as I silently, well not really, begged him for more. 

In no time at all my vision was starting to white out in the corners at the sheer waves of limitless pleasure, Billie's figure hovering above mine was shifting in and out of focus and a white scorch was blazing through me.   
"Fuck," Billie growled and paused, leaving me panting and slightly pissed off at my almost-orgasm. I could hear him shuffling to remove his boxers and then he grabbed my hips, pushing into me immediately. I gasped loudly at the wonderful sensation and grabbed onto his shoulders, digging my nails in to steady myself. 

"Shit," I gasped. Normally, Billie would stop to ask if I was alright, but his expression remained focused as he immediately began to move.   
"Yeah?" He snarled "You fucking like that?" I'm pretty sure my whole body blushed at his remark, nobody had ever spoken to me like that in my life and I was completely taken aback. At exactly that point Billie, who's hips were bucking at an unusually high speed, hit that spot within me and I gave a small shriek, my hands instinctively dragging up and down his tensing back, I wasn't going to lie, Billie's slightly rougher and more dominant side was turning me on more than I thought. The flicker of a smirk told me that he knew my response meant yes, I liked it very much. 

"You like it when I fuck you, huh?" He asked again in the same tone as he continued to assault my body in the best way possible. My jaw was slackened from the overwhelming sensation, but I managed to nod my head as I let out a weak groan. "I bet he didn't fuck you like this, did he?" Billie's pace changed again to one of complete power, moving deeper than he had ever before as if he was making a point.   
"Huh? I bet Edmund couldn't make you feel this good," he growled "I bet Edmund couldn't make you moan like that. I bet Edmund couldn't make you cum like this," Billie continued on, his rant becoming a mantra as he built it up with his rhythm.   
"I bet Edmund-" he snarled   
"Stop it," I managed to force out, my break coming in significantly short bursts. "If you say his name again I'll get up and go," I threatened weakly, to which a devilish smirk filtered across Billie's flushed features and he made a few very swift movements. He knew I couldn't leave right then, but that wasn't the point.

The white heat seemed to come from nowhere, hitting me with the force of a freight train and exploding across my body, making every nerve crackle with sensation. My whole body stiffened and tensed, my nails dragging from where they were holding onto Billie's hips, up his back to his face where I crashed my mouth onto his to avoid screaming the street down. The blaze lasted longer than ever, my body spasming out of control, arching upwards into Billie and shaking at the force of the orgasm. Not to mention the added heat of Billie's own high as he rode out the pinnacle of the moment atop of me. 

His patterned arms shook as he finished, quickly moving to the side as his body gave way, landing onto the bed beside me.   
"Fuck," I breathed in between catching my breath for the umpteenth time that day. I managed to look over to where Billie was, his eyes were already beginning to flicker shut. He looked perfect, jet black hair a matted mess, eyes closed, lips parted ever so slightly as he recovered, his whole body was shining in sweat. 

I pulled the quilt over the two of us, snuggling into his chest where his arm flopped around me. Pressing a kiss to his check I whispered,  
"I love you," his arm tightened around me for a fraction of a second and he mumbled something that sounded like 'I love you, too,'. 

\-------------------  
AHHH I HAVE 1% BATTERY AHHHH

THIS IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF SMUT TO NORMAL AND I'M SCARED TO POST THIS AHHHHH

PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK

THANKS AND I LOVE YOU AND I NEED A CHARGARERRRR


	20. I Love You's Not Enough

Lazy mornings were always my favourite type of mornings, and that particular morning was perfect. The soft sounds of The Beatles' I'll Follow The Sun was floating through my old stereo and the smile filtered onto my face immediately. Memories of being a teenager, listening to music from before my mother was born and falling uncontrollably in love with it, that was even before I found Green Day. Unlike the usual groggy feeling I was hit with when I woke up, it felt like there was a bubble in my chest, I was so happy. Everything felt great, old records in the familiarity of my room, the smooth heat from the body next to me, looking up and as my vision cleared seeing the black fluff swim into view. Just looking at Billie sleeping made we want to kiss him and hug him and keep him close, his cheeks were still a little flushed, hair well and truly messed up, sticking out everywhere, there was a sleepy smile on his face and his arm was still wrapped around me, keeping me pressed against the patterns on his chest. Even the realisation that I was naked didn't bother me. Fuck it, I thought, it's nothing he's not seen. 

It dawned on me, as I laid there, slowly stretching while trying not to disturb Billie, that for the first time in my recent memory I was completely and totally happy. I was at home, in complete comfort and right beside me was the love of my life, it was still early days for Billie and I but we had been going strong since we met months ago and I had been fantasising about him years before that. I decided that everything could wait right then, the world could stop turning and I couldn't care less, I was so damn happy that nothing was worth getting up. 

"Y'know, I can feel you staring at me," Billie's chest rumbled as he spoke, his voice was gruff with sleep and slightly rasped from the night before. I could have wake up next to him a thousand times and I would still melt like a teenage fangirl when he spoke, hell, when he did anything.   
"Stop being so perfect then," I shrugged, tracing patterns lazily across his bare skin.   
"You need your fucking glasses, girl," he chucked darkly, and I kissed his jaw in response, uttering a my disagreement under my breath. His hands were running across my back, it was a strange new sensation because so far every time Billie had come anywhere near making contact with me, there was some kind of electric storm and neither of us could control ourselves and we'd either end up fucking or in an intense make out session, but right then there was nothing sexual about it. I closed my eyes and sighed softly into his touch. 

"Ew! You're naked!" Billie's voice was shrill and imitating a female.   
"So are you, spanner," I muttered, ignoring his childishness to relish in the moment a little longer. Until Billie began to bloody giggle like an actual girl and lifted the covers up shyly to check, playing coy. I slapped his chest halfheartedly, a small laugh escaping me anyway.   
"You ruin everything," I shook my head at him lightly and he just grinned at me. I slid out of bed and got up, searching around.   
"Nice ass," I could hear the smirk in Billie's voice as I pulled on a clean pair of underwear, flipping him the V casually as I dug around in his pile of stuff that had been unceremoniously dumped in my room. Finding what I was looking for I pulled the soft fabric of his favourite Ramones shirt over my head. He'd worn it a few times which is exactly what I wanted - it smelt just like him.   
"Hey! That's my favourite shirt," he said indignantly.   
"Get up earlier then, you lazy ass," I shrugged nonchalantly. Billie then slid out of the bed and slipped on a pair of boxers as he padded over to me. I found a pair of pyjama shorts and stood in the mirror, examining my new look. "Looks better on me anyway," I said as he snuck up very obviously behind me. His bare arms wrapped around my waist. 

I stared at us in the mirror. His head was on my shoulder, nose in my hair a little. I saw how our features contrasted each other's, with my light blonde hair and Billie's jet black fluff, his hazel-green eyes were searching my grey ones, my pale arms resting on his brightly coloured ones, fingers intertwined. I didn't care how self-centred I sounded, because all couples do it secretly, but right then I couldn't think of anything other than the fact that we looked amazing together.   
"What are you thinking?" He murmured in my hair, I pushed against his back in appreciation, loving how in sync we were. "Your hair smells good," he added. I shrugged, a little embarrassed by my thoughts.   
"What're you thinking?" I countered instead.   
"That we're probably the hottest couple on the planet," I laughed and felt the heat creeping up my skin that he had hit the nail on the head.   
"You were thinking it too!" He shrieked gleefully.   
"I was not!" I snapped indignantly, my pride instantly stopping me and my arms automatically crossed across my chest.  
"You so were, I know you were," he smirked and poked my sides. "It's okay, y'know, to think the truth," his grin only widened and I playfully knocked him on the head. He pulled a silly face and I leaned in and pecked his pursed lips.   
"We're so cute," I agreed.   
"'course we fucking are," he slung his arm around my shoulders and we headed downstairs to join the family.

We were just heading down the stairs when I got the fright of my life. Chris had jumped down, seemingly from nowhere.   
"Bloody hell! Chris!" I gasped and hit her arm, Chris just cackled to herself. "You're so weird, what are you even doing?" I stared at the young woman in front of me who was clutching a notepad and her precious Swear Pot. I was immediately suspicious of her, she could be the sweetest thing but also devilishly evil, as she liked to say, a Slytherin and proud.   
"How was the reunion? Did you have a good night?" The wicked grin stretched up to her eyes.   
"'S'alright," I grumbled.   
"It sounded so,"   
"Are you on something?"   
"Nope,"  
"Great, then move because I want breakfast," I tried to shove past her, but the waif held fast. "Chris," I growled, then noticed that she was eyeing Billie. Sighing, at her grin, I gave up.   
"Fine, spit it out Chrysanthemum,"  
"Fuck off," she scowled at her name. "Anyway," she grinned, finally looking at her notebook, "You owe £583.50 in the swear pot," she most definitely cackled and hopped down the stairs, leaving me and Billie in shock.   
"What the fuck?" He murmured, staring at the spot where my whirlwind of a little sister was. I blinked slowly for a few seconds as the cogs turned in my brain, and I swear you could hear the penny drop as it dawned on me and I burst out laughing. 

Poor Billie looked more than a little bewildered at the hyena in front of him where his girlfriend used to be.   
"Oh- oh my god she heard us!" I managed to force out between deep guffaws. Billie blinked his widened eyes at me deadpan. "She, she heard us last night!" I cried, collapsing into his chest where he caught me with ease. "Oh my god the sick little fuck heard us and listened and counted every swear word!" My eyes were tearing up and I wasn't exactly sure why. I probably should have been mortified at the thought that my little sister had heard me having sex with one of her idols, but I just thought it was hilarious that she had indeed heard us and instead of being embarrassed she just used it as a business opportunity. 

The next morning I was woken up by Chris screaming, jerking me awake and causing me to stare around blearily.   
"Wha-?" I managed before she was in my room, completely oblivious to the fact that I was sprawled across Billie's naked chest as she jumped on the bed.   
"Lily!"  
"What!?"   
"Look outside! Look!" She was bouncing up and down and dragging me across the room. I shoved my glasses on hastily.   
"Hey! Billie could be naked!" I snapped. Chris cast an eye over the figure of my boyfriend, who was not naked but had the sheets pooled around his waist, his bare chest on display, she raised an eyebrow and shrugged. I slapped her upside the head and pointed at Billie, who was watching our interaction quietly with a vague smile, as using.   
"Mine," I grumbled warningly. I dragged my feet lazily as I followed her, thankful that I had crashed in one of Billie's shirts again and it was big enough to cover everything. "Alright, Squirt, what am I looking at?" I asked disinterestedly, parting the blinds with my fingers and peering out to see nothing.   
"On the drive!" I could feel the energy humming off her and it was kind of terrifying, so I cast my gaze down and gasped at what I saw. There, right on the drive outside of my house was a very big ice cream van with a big, black bow on it.   
"Oh my god," I said softly. Chris seemed to explode as she flailed around in front of me and shouted something illegible. "How much have you had today?" I asked the slightly shaking figure in front of me.   
"I don't know, six, seven cones maybe. I've gotta go get more now, bye!" And just like that the little whirlwind blazed out of my room. 

I collapsed sleepily back down on the bed.   
"I was not ready for that," I felt the bed shift a little with Billie's soft chuckle. "Ya think?"   
"You bought her an ice cream van?" I stared up at him, a little bit in awe, Billie shrugged bashfully and I could feel him getting a little embarrassed.   
"Yeah well, now the dept is payed off and she's out of our way," Billie made it very easy to forget he was rich. He was so genuine and real, he was grounded an sensible and while he had nice things, and everything he needed at his home in Oakland, nothing was of extremity enough to say that he was a very well off rockstar, until he did 'simple' things that a normal person would never be able to imagine. Such as buying a corrupt little sister with an addiction an entire van full of ice cream.

\--------

We had two weeks left before we were due to return to California, and Billie was determined to make the most of it. He took me out almost every day, and in Jimmy's words, everything was nauseatingly adorable. We went on evening strolls hand in hand around St James' park, sitting on the benches and feeding the squirrels and watching the world moving past us. We went to the markets in Camden and every time I paused to look at something Billie insisted on buying it for me, simply refusing to hear me when I told him it was too much. We went on the bus tour and took embarrassing selfies at all the famous landmarks that we'd already been to. 

One evening Chris presented me with a fancy bag from one of the more upscale shops on Oxford Street, and helped me into a stunning backless vintage-style red dress, complete with black heels and a stunning necklace. Billie met me at the bottom of the stairs, wearing his signature jeans, but had on a black shirt and grey blazer and a rose in his hand.   
"Billie," I had gasped as he escorted me into a very nice restaurant. It was fancy, but not so much that we couldn't have a good time, there was a friendly atmosphere and good music, and excellent food.   
"We're going on that date," he smiled softly "The one we never finished at the beach," that night was one of the best nights of my life. Billie was being such a gentleman, holding my hand softly across the table, showering me with compliments, refusing to even let me look at the prices. We actually managed to talk for once without jumping each other, and I was learning that as well as good music taste and a fuck ton of sexual tension, we had quite a lot in common despite our polar opposite lives growing up. At the end of the night we walked all the way home, swinging our hands like children, stopping at my porch before entering back into family life.   
"Billie?"   
"Yeah?" I pulled him gently by his collar and kissed him.   
"Thank you so much for tonight," his arms encircled my waist, keeping us close together   
"It was very much my pleasure," he grinned and kissed me again. 

The next morning Billie was up and dressed and dragging me with him.   
"Now what?" I asked but he just shook his head. He took me to the train station and kept me distracted for the entire journey with idol chit-chat and kisses, until we pulled up in a very familiar station.   
"Liverpool?" I stared at him in shock, in response he shrugged at me with a boyish smile and tugged me along. I showed him where my old university was before we took a walk around Albert Docks, Billie was fast falling in love with the industrial harbour and I was remembering how much I adored this city. He surprised me by producing two tickets for the Magical Mystery Tour, I had been on it before when I first moved to Liverpool, but not since and the grin on Billie's face only widened when I squealed and wrapped my arms around his neck. Once the tour was finished we spent an incredibly long time in the Cavern Club, drinking and listening to old English rock music. Billie surprised me again by insisting on dragging me up and dancing with the old couples, and for once I didn't even care if people were watching us because I was so absorbed in the perfection in front of me. We crashed in a hotel on the Docks that night before going around the Beatles Museum and heading back into London the next day. 

After that Chris had demanded my attention and Billie had found some music convention he wanted to go to, so he travelled up to Birmingham for a few days for that while I stayed in London. I didn't mind because it gave me a chance to reconnect with my family. Mum and I went shopping, although I didn't really get anything, and Dad and I had found a rock gig by some small band at the local club, it was like before I had left and it felt so good to be back with them. Growing up, no matter how much I hated my sheltered life, I had always been incredibly close to my family. We did everything together and we told each other everything, being back with them settled something in my chest that I hadn't even noticed was wrong. I also spent a while reconnecting with Chris, who was entirely different to the one I'd left behind. 

We had stayed up until gone midnight one night, gossiping about everything from my friends in CA to her friends at the Art College to Billie, all while playing Mario Kart on the ancient Wii that was still set up in her room.   
"So, what about you?"   
"What about me?" She shrugged   
"Are you still with that David bloke?" I asked. Before I left Chris had been seeing some model called David, and they had seemed to be going pretty strong, however apparently I wasn't at the top of her mailing list because we had barely spoke since I moved away. Clearly something I had said was funny, because she suddenly burst out laughing, triggering me to do the same as I shoved her playfully.   
"Tell me!" I demanded, tickling her sides as she shrieked, kicking at me as hard as she could.   
"We broke up ages ago Lily!" She cackled, I didn't really get what was so funny, and I told her so.   
"Oh my God you really have missed loads," she pointed out. "Anyway, no, I'm seeing someone else know. I thought we could go for Lunch together tomorrow with Billie?" Agreeing, we crashed in the same bed like we used to do when we were younger. I had forgotten how close I was with Chris. 

The lunch was interesting to say the least, Chris had been incredibly vague about her new mystery man and I was secretly hoping she'd got her hands on the likes of Thomas Brodie-Sangster, however I received a bit of a shock when Billie and I found our way through the crowds at Pizza Express to see Chris with her arm around another girl.   
"Oh," was just about all I managed. The girl stood up, she was thickly built and about average height, with a very round, smiley face with warm eyes and a mane of frizzy, bright orange hair. She was wearing a myriad of bright colours and seemed to be radiating sunshine.   
"Hi! I'm Katie! You must be Lily and Billie! It's so nice to meet you!" She chirped, engulfing the pair of us in hug immediately. She smelt like washing powder and sweets, and there was something undeniably comforting about her. The lunch passed quickly, I immediately took to Katie and the happiness on my sister's face was evident. We then parted ways as Billie and I headed back home to pack, our plane home was the next day. 

Billie had wandered off to pester my dad about something when Chris approached me in my room.   
"Alright, Trouble," I grinned as she plonked herself on my bed.   
"So, Katie huh?" Chris grinned wickedly.   
"Told you I was trying something,"  
"Yeah, you sneaky shit, but seriously though, I think you two are great together," I let her know, but the beam barely flickered across her face.   
"Hey, is everything okay?" Chris looked down and sniffed slightly.   
"You're going again," for the first time I felt a cold bolt. Leaving was different this time, last time I had been so desperate to flee to freedom that I didn't stop to think about the consequences. Now I was here I could see what I was leaving and I felt myself tear in two. Chris looked up at me with eyes swimming.   
"Please don't go again," she said quietly.   
"What?"   
"Please, you don't know what it was like without you," the tears were starting to roll down her full cheeks, and I could almost hear myself tearing apart.   
"Chris, please,"   
"No! Lily you don't get it. You can't go!"   
"Chrissie, my life is there. With Billie and Jimmy and the guys," Chris had turned her back to me and she was refusing to look at me as she spoke. 

"You didn't see Mum,"  
"Mum?"   
"She cried for days, Lily. Nothing could stop her, not me, not Dad. Even freaking Eddie came around and that didn't work,"   
"Oh,"   
"We couldn't do anything for months. If it reminded her of you she'd go off on one, Dad had to cook!" That wasn't funny. Mum lived for the kitchen, if she wasn't busy cooking something she was reading cookbooks or watching those TV shows.   
"It was hard for us too, Dad went really quiet. He would barely even look at me,"   
"Chris, I didn't know," I said softly   
"And me," she continued. "I didn't know how to cope, Mum and Dad were acting as if you'd died, I went from having my sister and best friend right by me to the other side of the world with no notice and no idea if I'd see you again. I missed you so much too. Nobody else wants to stay up till past midnight discussing the worlds problems over s'mores with me, no one else gives the best hugs like you do, there's not another person on the planet like you, Lils, because you're my big sister. You're my hero and my best friend and my counsellor,"   
I pulled her into a bear hug and tried not to let my own tears fall as I held my sobbing sister as close as I could. My heart felt absolutely crushed, I had left in a whirlwind of freedom and new opportunities, thinking there was nothing left for me in England. I hadn't even thought about the potentially devastating effect on my loved ones, or how my sudden departure would effect them. Suddenly, the thought of leaving was making me feel sick. 

Chris has gone to bed shortly after and Billie had returned from harassing my Dad about something. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight and all I could feel was my system crashing as I realised I couldn't live without him, but I also couldn't leave my family.   
"Ready to pack?" There was a very big smile in his question and his eyes were shining.   
"Lily? Are you okay?" He stilled as soon as he sensed I wasn't.   
"Billie," I breathed. I could feel him tense up and he stepped away, holding me at arms length so he could desperately search my eyes. 

"I don't know if I can go back to America,"


	21. Living Out A Sacrifice

"What?" His voice was so soft it was like a thousand demons all clawing at my chest.   
"I, oh Jesus, Billie I can't do this," I felt my breath catch as I began to shake uncontrollably. I vaguely registered the comforting feeling of his arms around me and his gentle movements as he carried me to bed.   
"What's happened? Talk to me, Lils," he said calmly. I didn't want him to be calm. I wanted him to scream and shout and do something stupid, at least then I could fake a fury at him and insist on staying. Of course, he had to be all perfect and make my life a million times harder.   
"I, I talked to Chris," and between stutters and sobs and Billie's arms, I managed to force out the cutting words from my sister. "And now I don't know what to do, because I love you and you know I love you and I obviously love being with you, but I love my family and I don't know if I can leave knowing I fucked them over so badly last time!" I wailed. Billie stayed quiet, which was really bugging me.   
"Can't you like, lose your temper and scream and shout a bit?" I asked meekly and I heard a damp chuckle in return.

Billie turned around and kissed me softly, making me melt into the perfection that he was and cry even harder. When he pulled away his eyes were soft and sad as he wiped the set streaks off my cheeks.   
"C'mon, don't cry,"   
"I don't know what else to do!" I moaned dramatically, it felt like my chest was going implode and explode at once and I was noticing that there was an uncomfortable, throbbing pressure building up in my head.   
"I have two lives and they're on separate sides of the fucking planet!" He had gotten up and was packing, but paused to dart over and kiss the top of my head, cradling my cheeks gently in his hands.   
"I know, it sucks,"   
"I don't know what to do, Billie, I don't know which way to go,"   
"What feels right?"  
"Nothing! If I go with you I break their hearts, if I stay with them you break my heart," unable to vocalise my next sentence, I flopped back into my bed and made a loud groaning noise like a dying whale into my pillow.

I decided that the best thing to do was sit up and watch the muscles tensing and stretching in Billie's back as he packed, which at least felt like a good decision until my mind interrupted and began to nag. How could I live without him? Everything he did was my reason to live, he was everything to me, my oxygen, my water, my world. I couldn't leave him, but I couldn't leave my family either, they were my Earth, they kept me grounded and showed me who I was and helped me to grow. Billie yanked his shirt over his head and threw it into the case before zipping the thing up and crawling into bed with me.

We laid tangled together as usual, but there was a slight sadness about it.   
"You don't have to make a decision until tomorrow, y'know," He mumbled quietly, holding me close to him. I nodded against the warm expanse of his chest.   
"I hate you," I butted my head very softly into his chest. In response, there was a slight chuckle.   
"I thought you loved me?" He questioned teasingly   
"Yeah, but you're so perfect I hate you. Can't you just be a retard and go kiss a stripper so I can lose my shit at you and make my choice easy?"   
"You're not funny,"   
"I am. I could've been a comedian," I responded indignantly because I didn't know how else to respond. I didn't know what to say to myself to make it better, let alone to Billie.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well, hence making the 'Sleep on it,' shebang a whole lot harder. A groggy 4 am run couldn't make heads or tails of the situation and only helped by waking me up as I slowly got drenched in the drizzle of the grey morning. When I returned Billie had woken up and was sat up, reading one of my books. The way he looked at me made my heart break because no one, looked at me like that and it made me feel very wonderful, very mushy things inside. His eyes went all soft, the beautiful green irises became almost invisible because his pupils were very dilated, he would quirk his head slightly like a puppy and he had this silly little smile that made me want to run and kiss him. And then my argument swung in the opposite direction as my mind begged me to go with him because I couldn't remember how to breathe without him.

The day dragged by, and it was more painful than nails down a blackboard. I took a long shower, which usually helped but only managed to further fog my mind as I sat on the wet tiles, hot water flowing around me and knees drawn into my chest as I sobbed silently.

Mum had put her soul into cooking us a big goodbye breakfast, which was her way of expressing her love, and she didn't even look annoyed at Billie, which naturally broke me further because they were finally starting to get along or at least Mum was starting to see past Billie's appearance to his heart of solid gold.

Determined to make the best of a bad day, Billie took me out to the Natural History Museum and we wandered aimlessly around the exhibits, before having lunch there. The big open space of the café allowed the sunlight to filter through the ceiling, and Billie was sat just so that the light hit the back of his head, illuminating the dark strands of hair like a halo and making his skin glow. His little crooked grin was mesmerising and I couldn't help but let my mind wonder to how someone could possibly be so attractive.   
"What?" He laughed softly, breaking me from my trance.   
"I just can't help but think about how I managed to get someone so beautiful," I said absentmindedly, and then realised my words and was fascinated with the brownie in front of me as I could feel the stupid heat rushing to my face. It was ridiculous how I had been seeing him for months and I still embarrassed myself around him all the time, there was just something about Billie that turned me into an emotional, sappy mess. His rich laugh brought me back to Earth again, and there was a sudden heaviness in my chest as I was reminded of what was happening soon.   
"Y'know, I often find myself thinking the same thing," He said softly and reached across the table to link our fingers together, his thumb gently stroking my skin. My heart hurt so much, I was beyond in love with him. We finished up at the museum and walked around the grounds, I told him about the beautiful ice rink they built in the winter, how the trees were decorated with fairy lights and the grounds were dominated by stunning Christmas Trees. Just remembering the picture perfect image of my city sent another cold shard through me, because I missed it so much, I would love to stay in London and see another proper Christmas.

We returned home, to where Chris was demonstrating her new skills with the ice cream van, she'd managed to bribe one of the local ice cream men into giving her a few lessons, and it was a skill she was very adept at. Mum had made my favourite red velvet muffins as a snack and again I remembered how good her cooking was, and that I couldn't remember how I had survived without it for so long.

With an aching head and nausea from the confusion settling in my stomach I excused myself to my room, leaving Chris kicking Billie's ass on Green Day: Rock Band. I locked the door and sank onto my bed, staring at the familiarity of my walls. The sensation it brought me, even when the room was nearly bare, told me that this was home, and Billie's room just didn't compare. I hauled myself over to my desk where all I could do was sit with my hands fisted in my hair and my elbows pressing painfully against the wood as my mind raced in circles, always coming back to the same conclusion - neither here nor there.   
"For fuck's sake," I snarled dropping my head harshly onto the desk, making myself jump at the venom in my words. I felt completely trapped, caged like an animal, there was nobody I could get advice from because no matter who I chose, they would want me to pick what worked for them.   
People really are selfish, I thought, not that I was any better. I was trying to choose between my family and a rockstar.

Half an hour of agony later I gave up and tried to come to a visual conclusion, grabbing some paper and a pen I angrily scribbled a line down the middle and two headings: Stay and Go. I began to write every reason that came into my head for both, and after a solid ten minutes of writing, I was done.  
"Okay," I said to myself, taking a deep sigh and fully accepting the fact that I was insane.   
"There's too much emotion in this. You pick the side with the most reasons. End of."

I stared at my paper, there was a whole page in the Stay column, and one word in the other, in big, bold letters, underlined thrice and circled was Billie.  
"I must be insane," I said because before I could think about it anymore, I was swallowing down the feeling of being about to vomit and was scrabbling around my room, throwing everything near me into my bag. Billie's crap was already downstairs, so as soon as I was packed I dragged the heavy bag with me and went to tell everyone.

I heaved a deep breath and swallowed again, running a hand quickly through my hair and down my face I noticed how clammy my hands were. I made it all the way to the last few steps before I dropped my bag with a very loud thud, making everyone come running. Mum was first, and when her eyes locked on my bag I visibly saw her slump down and when she looked up at me her eyes were dull and brimming with tears.   
"You're leaving?" I swallowed hard and nodded, staring at Billie to avoid them.   
"Well, it's getting on a bit, I suppose the taxi will be here soon," Dad said stiffly. Realising that I needed a moment to really say goodbye, I turned to Billie.   
"Dad's right, Bill, and they get really mad if you're late. Fancy standing on the porch to keep an eye out?" I asked with false positivity, but Billie nodded with a small smile as he got my hidden message and excused himself.

The second the door had clicked shut, there was a whirlwind in my arms and I vaguely registered it was Chris clinging onto me with all of her strength like a limpet.   
"Hey," I said quietly, but then my vocals chords closed up as a mournful sound escaped her.   
"Chris, I'm not dying," I mumbled into her hair, secretly enjoying the scent of her shampoo. It was the same one that Mum had been buying for us since we were kids, and I realised with watery eyes that I really was leaving home. Chrissie refused to detach herself from me, so I hugged a quietly sobbing Mum and a stiff-upper-lipped Dad around her.   
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Mum asked me, handkerchief clutched to her chest.   
"Positive," I lied. The reaction from my family, this time in front of my face was making me question everything for the millionth time, but I couldn't let Mum know because she'd only worry herself sick. And besides, as soon as I got back with Jimmy everything would be forgotten anyway.   
"Well, I won't say anything against you then," she sniffed and I knew Mum was speaking against her will. "Billie is a fine young man and I'm sure he'll take care of you. I can see you two love each other very much,"   
"And if he does so much as lift a toe against your will don't think I won't be over there in thirteen and a half hours," my dad threatened.

After yet another round of hugs and tearful goodbyes from me as well as them, our bags were loaded into the taxi and Billie and I were pulling away from the three waving figures at my front door. I had my head pressed against the cold glass for the whole journey to the airport, tears leaking down my face the more I tried to stop them and I was having a hard time looking at Billie, let alone responding to his words. I held his hand as we checked in but he knew as well as I did that I was more like a directed toddler than anything else. We mooched around the shops and had tea in order to avoid the aeroplane food, but I could barely crack a smile at Billie's lame jokes which normally had me in stitches. I felt even worse because I knew that I was hurting him by being so blank, but there was one image burned into my mind and I couldn't shake it, and of course it was my family, Mum and Chris sobbing in Dad's arms as I left them behind.

We were just about to board the plane when Billie stopped me.   
"Billie what are you doing? C'mon, we'll be late," I tried to get him to walk but he turned so that he was stood between me and the plane.   
"I'm not letting you do this,"   
"What are you talking about?"  
"This, tear yourself up about whether you're making the right decision or not," I felt my stomach drop through the floor at his words.   
"I'll get over it, now let's go,"   
"No,"  
"Yes,"  
"No,"  
"Yes,"  
"Lily, you're not getting on that plane,"   
"I bloody well am," I shot back.

Billie leant forward and snatched my boarding pass out of my hand.   
"Billie what are you-" my voice was cut off as he ripped the pass to pieces and threw them down. I watched speechless as they fluttered to the ground like large snowflakes.   
"Billie," I gasped, but before I could do much else he had pulled me close and was kissing me with everything he had.   
"I love you, I love you so much, but I can read you like a book, Lils, and I'm not being the asshole that lets you make the same mistake twice. If ripping up your boarding pass is what it takes then that's what I'll do," he spoke as passionately as he kissed me. And I could feel myself becoming lost already.   
"I want to go with you," I muttered weakly, gripping onto his arm.   
"Not as much as you want to stay at home," he cut in. "Don't worry, I'm not mad," he said with a sad smile.

The flight attendant was making the last call, so I grabbed his collar and dragged him to me, kissing him with everything I had, to the point where I was exhausted from the effort, but it was a brilliant last kiss. When he forced himself to pull away my lips were still tingling.   
"I love you," I whispered, and stood there in dead shock as Billie Joe turned around and boarded the plane alone, just before the doors shut.

I stood in the rain alone, trying to call a taxi. I wasn't aware of when it had gotten dark, or when it had started raining. I took a deep breath to steady my shaking hands as I watched Billie's plane go shooting over my head, carrying him to the other side of the world without me and my chest burned. I finally got a taxi and managed to force out my address before sitting in silence. I refused to cry in public, even if that meant biting my trembling lips as Billie left me all alone, right through the airport as I left the departure lounge and through the entire taxi ride. By the time I had gotten home I was dripping wet and completely numb. I could hear the fat droplets falling from my hair and clothes onto the tiles in the hallway.

Chris ran into the hallway to see who was at the door, but skidded to a halt when she saw me.   
"Lily?" She gasped, loudly enough that Mum and Dad came running and the three were stood, staring at me incredulously.   
"Lily what are you doing here? Did you miss your flight? Where's Billie?" Mum instantly fussed, but I was hurting so much I couldn't do anything but shake my head.   
"Lily?" My Dad asked gently, a hint of a wobble in his voice.

"He wouldn't let me do it," the six words echoed around the silence in the grand hallway, bouncing off the walls as nobody dared speak. And then like a boulder it hit me and I suddenly felt everything as I heard my own words.

And it was then that I broke down.

\-------------------------  
Happy Valentine's Day, assholes. 

I was going to do some cute mushy shit but it doesn't align with the story so here is some love of the hardest kind instead. 

Lmao, guess who's still single this year?   
(It's me, did you guess that? Yeah. Me. I'm still single)

This was really difficult for me to write so comments are muchly appreciated, please let me know what you guys thought! 

Anyway yeah, here you go.

Lots of love,  
Le Gremlin x


	22. The Heartache Of Your Life

I wish I could tell you that I was okay. That after a few tears into my ice cream and crappy movies with Chris that I moved on and married Edmund, had little snobby babies and lived a rich and lavish London life, forgetting all about my distant fling with a rock star. 

I didn't. 

I bawled like a baby. 

Stood in the hallway, with my chin on my chest and my arms heavy and numb by my sides I sobbed my soul out. 

Everything descended into an unrecognisable chaos around me as my vision blurred and my knees buckled. I vaguely registered Chris and my parents rushing to catch me and then everything dissipated. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop howling to allow myself to breathe and the more I tried the more I was stuck dry heaving. I thought I was having a panic attack, but I quickly realised that I wasn't when the tightening bands weren't there and although I couldn't breathe it was literally just because I was crying so hard. There was nothing here for me to panic about, just a wild, throbbing sadness. 

The next thing I knew I was being tucked into bed and Chris was quietly placing a glass of water beside me and retreating out of the room. I had come to enough for my hopeless weeping to cease into small sniffles as I was engulfed in a new type of pain. I'd never felt anything like it, and the sudden excruciating force of it made me moan pathetically as I curled into myself in attempt to stop it. I felt as if a land mine had just gone off in my chest, blowing it to pieces and there was a sharp, acute feeling as if I was being stabbed on repeat controlling my upper body. Despite all the tossing and turning I couldn't shake the pain enough to sleep and every time I began to drift Billie's face, filled with hurt as he turned me away, swam into my vision and increased everything to a point where I felt like I was about to pass out. 

The next morning came with equal agony, to the point where I simply couldn't get out of bed. Chris and Mum came in to try and convince me to come downstairs but the pain was so strong that I just rolled over and stared at my wall. Billie must have meant more to me than I knew, as if we were tethered to each other in some way and now I was only able to function when he was in my life. Imagine having all your vital organs suddenly and brutally ripped out. That's how I felt, as if I was on the brink of death without him, barely alive. 

I drifted through the next week with little to no attempt in functioning. At some point I'd managed to crawl into the shower and I sat there for two hours, contemplating everything, before crawling back into bed. I hadn't spoken a word, aside from waking up screaming at night or being hit by overwhelming waves of sadness where I would burst into ugly sobs. 

It had been two weeks and I was still in bed, there was a plate of something on my desk but the smell was making me feel sick and my phone was currently opposite me on my bed. Taking Chris' advice I picked up the device and let my thumb hover over the contacts before taking a deep breath and hitting the call button. The pause was filled with tension before the call tone began, repeating the irritating breep breep in a taunt. I counted the loops, the nerves in my chest and something else building as the fifth loop hit and the phone crackled with static.   
"Yo it's Jimmy, I-"  
"She don't wanna talk to you!" Tré's voice screeched over her's before dissolving into cackles.   
"Yeah and-" the flat beeeeep cut her off and I hung up, unable to think of anything to say in a message. I didn't want to be talking to her answerphone. 

Calling was a bad idea, because now I just felt lonelier than ever, especially in the knowledge that Jimmy always answered her phone so it was a clear 'fuck you' to me. I couldn't think of anything to say anyway, and I was pretty sure that Mike and Tré would want nothing to do with me having hurt Billie like that. Or would they? I began to panic, what if Billie wasn't hurting? What if he was okay and I was here acting like it was the end of the world? Swallowing my nausea I came to the gruesome acceptance that Billie was in fact a rockstar and had most likely gotten over me and fucked a good few others since then. In some bizarre way that seemed to give me the motivation I needed to get out of bed. There was no way in hell I'd let myself be caught moping about someone who had already moved on. 

I had another shower, but this time I was actually stood up and washing my hair, before putting on clean clothes and making my wobbly way downstairs.   
"Lily," Chris greeted me from across the living room. "Hey," I returned her tentative smile.   
"Hi," my voice didn't sound like mine, it was so hoarse and croaky and there was a clear strain where I had struggled to force the syllable out after so long in silence. "Don't you have a university to go to or something?" I meekly joked.   
"Very funny, it's the holidays, Dumbass,"  
"Fifty pence," I reminded her, but she shrugged and padded over engulfing me in a hug, which felt tight and desperately relieved.   
"You look like a zombie, c'mon," she said and we embarked on a kitchen raid before settling back in the lounge with a variety of unhealthy snacks that Chris had been secretly stocking up on and a Netflix marathon was soon underway. 

Mum and Dad came home from work, I could instantly sense how carefully they were treading around me and I couldn't blame them. If I looked as fragile as I was feeling then it was bad, and judging by my recent behaviour I was like an unexploded bomb. Nobody dared mention his name, or anything that had happened in the last month and I was grateful because I couldn't bring myself to think about it. It was nice to have something to eat, however, and Mum was making a big deal about making sure I was still eating. Apparently I had lost a lot of weight in my misery. 

The next day I was awoken with a surprise as Chris pounced on me, announcing that Hattie was coming round. That got me moving and I was up and scrambling round to desperately find some clean clothes. I literally ran down the stairs and leapt onto the sofa as I heard her car pull up and she strolled in.   
"Lily!" She instantly ran over and pulled me into a tight hug, her big hair bouncing like a halo following her. She paused, frowning and looked around.   
"Where's your boyfriend?"   
"Who?" I stared at her blankly.   
"Don't play dumb, Billie, the rockstar from America?" She was staring at me with that wide expression, as I she was waiting for me to burst into giggles with another one of my jokes. His name felt like a knife twisting in my chest and I had to work hard to keep my expression neutral, there wasn't a joke this time.  
"Billie is in America," Hattie's face fell   
"Oh, are you going back out later or is he coming back?" Clearly she'd missed the memo.   
"We broke up, Hats, I'm staying in my home and he's gone to his," I was strongly fighting the lump in my throat and the urge to crawl into bed and try to claw my heart out, it would probably hurt less than this conversation. I managed to brush off her condolences and pretend that I was okay, which surprisingly she bought. Jimmy would have seen straight through me, and judging by the skeptical look Chris was giving me, I think she was too.   
"It's okay, Hun, I know just what you need!" Oh god, my mind was screaming, Hattie's plans never ended well.   
"Retail therapy!" 

And in a whirlwind she dragged me out to her flash car and we were hitting Oxford Street. I was blatantly uninterested in shopping in the upscale designer stores, but judging by the Ray-Bans perched in Hattie's hair and the Burberry jacket, she was. Hattie most definitely seemed in her element, strutting down the high street, chatting on about everything from her high-end job to David, her new partner in an even more high-end job, into shops and sampling £400 perfumes as if they were nothing. I couldn't help but compare it to when Jimmy and I went to the mall, much less high end and one hell of a lot more fun. I quickly buried the thought, refusing to acknowledge that part of my life and even let Hattie spoil me with some new jeans from Hollister, "Honestly, Lily, of all the places?" Because apparently Hollister were poor in Hattie's eyes, but I didn't care because they were the nicest jeans I'd ever had.

When we got back home, which was shortly after me accidentally throwing up my three course gourmet meal, apparently my body wasn't ready for so much food, and after more false goodbyes I threw myself onto the settee beside Chris with a noise akin to a dying whale.   
"Not good?" I could hear the smirk in my sister's voice and I wriggled myself into a sitting position and launched into a lengthy rant about Hattie.   
"I don't know what happened, Chris, but that's not my best friend," I finished with a heavy heart, I missed old England, where I had a loving boyfriend who wasn't a complete twat and  best friends who knew me inside out and cared for me. Hattie was different, Edmund was different, everything was different and I hated it.   
"Nothing's changed," Chris said softly, I sent her a scathing look that told her exactly what I thought of her statement. "It's you, Lils, you've changed," 

And it was then that it hit me. I had changed, I left university a sheltered middle class brat and since I moved out to California I met the other side of life. So maybe Billie and Josh weren't poor, but Billie was real and down to Earth. For the first time I had mixed with people who had their own minds and their own views, who didn't live with their heads up their arses and didn't care if they were in a minority. People who did what they loved because they loved it and money came second. People who weren't afraid to be theirselves and enjoy themselves, people who didn't care about classes and judgement. And I realised that I had found home in them, and it was me who changed because for the first time I was seeing the people I used to know as what they really were - fakes. 

Chris pulled me into a bone crushing hug that said she knew what I was feeling.   
"I should have gone with him," I whispered as I felt the pain begin to blossom in my chest to the point where black spots were swimming in my vision again. Fighting it I tried to calm the ache of loss and longing enough to let me talk.   
"I miss them," I managed as I broke down into uncontrollable sobs, and there was somewhere in the back of my mind that registered that perhaps it was Jimmy that I was missing the most, on par with Billie. I took myself off to bed shortly afterwards, apologising to Chris meekly. 

I laid in bed for god knows how long. My chest hurt, my whole body ached. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wasn't sure how, but at 3am I ended up sobbing down the phone to Jimmy's answerphone. I don't even know how many times I called her, every time the call timed out I just pressed call again. Over and over again as if the few words she spoke would bring me any kind of comfort, instead I felt as if my chest was being clawed open from the inside. I switched the screen and I was staring at Billie's face beside his number. If it had been hard calling Jimmy, I couldn't describe what it felt like say staring at his number. There was a cold fear gripping me, what if he didn't want to talk to me? I wouldn't want to talk to me. He'd probably be furious at me, or that resigned kind of exhaustion that he does when he's giving up. What if he's over me and he was having sex right then, with another more beautiful blonde? Someone better and more punk than me? Someone he really deserved. In a fit of rage and agony at my last thought I launched my phone across the dark room, not caring to retrieve it as I rolled over and curled into myself. 

I wasn't sure if I had really slept. Everything was a fitful blur of tossing and turning, unable to properly settle without being plagued by awful images that I had created. I wished that I could try to move on, but it was proving much more difficult than I had ever imagined. Everything reminded me of them, and I despised anything different. 

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I was woken up by a very familiar voice.   
"I'm the son of rage and love,  
The Jesus of Suburbia," at first I began to panic, about to jump up and scream at Chris for playing that song, but then I realised it was coming from a corner of my room. Diving around I retrieved my phone and without thinking to look at the Caller ID, pressed accept. 

"Hi?"  
"Hey, Lily," I felt my heart stop at the very unique voice and several waves of emotion, good and bad flooded through me and made me want to curl up in a corner and forget my own existence. This was too complicated for my own good. 

"Tré?"

 

\--------------------

This took me forever and I hate it so much. I feel like it's massively cringy and cheesy and just ughhh. 

Idk what did you guys think of it? Let me know in the comments!

No gif/editing we die like men   
Sorry


	23. No Time And No Copping Out

"T-Tré?" I questioned again, my exhausted mind unable to wrap itself around the person who was calling me.  
"Yeah," he spoke softly.  
"Hi,"  
"Hey,"  
"Hi," I heard his laugh echo down the phone and all I wanted to do was cry.  
"I miss you so much," I blurted.  
"I miss you, too," there was a pause, and I just took the time to hear him. Hear his sigh, followed by his breathing. Hear that he was there, and alive and talking to me.  
"I thought you'd be mad at me," I whispered, my voice suddenly incredibly difficult to force out around the lump settled in my throat.  
"I'd never be mad at you," he reassured me, and at least there was a little trickle of warmth running down my chest. 

"How is everyone?" I asked after a few minutes of general catching up. I heard Tré's voice catch a little.  
"Actually that's what I was calling you about,"  
"Shit," I muttered, so quietly that he couldn't hear me. There was a fast growing cold feeling spreading throughout my whole body.  
"I think you broke us," he chucked sadly. "Billie, he's-" Tré cut himself off as if he was thinking.  
"What?" Panic was stabbing my chest.  
"Billie's broken. Like, really broken. We just about got what had happened out of him and he's not spoken to either of us since. And he's been hurt before, Lily, like with Adie and he drank a lot and smoked a lot and wrote a lot of songs about it and played like he was punishing that guitar,"  
"Adie?" I questioned, when we had first met Billie had mentioned her as a friend who he had faked a marriage with.  
"He didn't tell you?" Tré's voice was resigned. "They were together for ages, I mean they met on the first Green Day tour and had been in love ever since. Everyone thought she was it, including Billie. And then one day in the papers it said they were married, and it turned out she'd mentioned it in an interview when they asked how serious they were. Billie went apeshit, he was just about to ask her and then she went and fucked him over like that. No one really knows what happened after that, but they just started fighting about everything and then they broke up,"  
"Oh," was all I managed  
"Yeah, so what I'm saying is that Billie's been hurt before and he freaks out. He's not freaking out. He's not talking to anyone. He's not drinking, he's not smoking. Hell, Lily, he's not even playing! All he does is lie in that room. He won't talk, we can't even get him to eat and last week he locked his door."  
"Fuck,"

And it was about then that Tré sounded so vulnerable.  
"I'm scared, Lily. And I'm not joking either. Jimmy's all fucked up too, she went mental when she found out and then she went quiet too. And me and her, we've been going through some stuff and I think she needs you right now to talk to about this because I don't know how to deal with it,"  
"Oh my god, Tré," I hushed him, worried about the tone in his voice.  
"We need you back, Lily, Jim needs you and Billie needs you, heck even I need you, and Mike and Ruby all of us!"  
"I-I can't. I'm pretty sure Billie never wants to see me, it was him who made me stay,"  
"What?"  
"What?"  
"He made you stay?"  
"Yeah?"  
"The little shit never told us that! For fuck's sake, he needs to get his shit together!"  
"Tré, what's going on?"  
"Billie does this bullshit thing when he loves someone where he panics because he's scared that he's more in love with you then you are with him and then he tries to push you away and make better choices because he never feels like he's good enough,"

We both went quiet as I let that settle through my slowly clearing mind. I couldn't make heads or tails of the situation, I had no idea what was going on, or what I was supposed to say or do.  
"Lily?"  
"Hm?"  
"Do you want to come back to America?"  
"Tré-"  
"No, I know what you're going to say and I don't wanna hear it. This isn't about anyone but you. Do you want to come back here?"  
"I," I paused although my mind was already made up. "Of course I do,"  
"Then it's done,"  
"Tré, what are you doing?"  
"You're coming back!" He sang and just in case I'd forgotten I was talking to Tré Cool, he hung up the phone on that bombshell. 

I was sat on the floor at 5am completely perplexed, and struggling to decide if that had happened or not. There was a soft knock at my door which made me jump, but it was just Chris popping her head around the door.  
"I heard you talking, is everything okay?" She asked me worriedly.  
"Tré called," I said, my voice thick with emotion.  
"And?"  
"We just had a chat," I lied, and told her about the catching up stuff, leaving out what Tré had said about coming back, because I didn't even know what was going on myself. 

Chris left shortly after because I went quiet and became absorbed in a game on my phone, telling her that I was done talking to her. After fidgeting while staring at my blank wall where I had ripped a Green Day poster down for a long time, I was on the verge of giving up and going on a run when I saw my phone light up with a text message from Tré. I almost tripped over in my frantic rush to read what he had sent, only to feel my heart jump into my throat. 

There was a web link which I clicked and took me to a page with a conformation. Tré had booked me a ticket on a flight to Oakland, for this afternoon. Without thinking I switched the screen and stabbed at the call button.  
"Tré, what the hell!?" I yelled.  
"What?" His voice was considerably more Tré, with a cheeky sing-song tone.  
"You bought me a plane ticket!"  
"You said you wanted to come back," he said and I could hear his little smirk and shrug.  
"Yeah, but not in two hours!" I protested. "It's not that simple!"  
"Isn't it?" The line went dead. 

"Fuck you Tré!" I threw my phone down and it felt like my body was going into autopilot. Before I could compute what the hell I was doing I was throwing everything I owned into suitcases, until what little I had left in my room was completely packed, and a hastily written note was on my desk.  
My parents still hadn't woken up and Chris had gone out to see her girlfriend at the Bakery where she worked so I was clear to make the run outside where the taxi I had called was waiting for me. 

I arrived at the airport and checked in. As soon as my bags were dropped off and I was alone in the shopping bit I felt the nerves begin to built to a point where it hurt and I had to sit down. What the hell was I doing? Running away to America again, following a hopeless love again. It was Tré's fault, he'd made it seem so easy, so straightforward and I'd listened to the kid in a man's body. But I was checked in and I couldn't turn back. 

Instead I bought myself a brand new set of high quality noise cancelling earphones and a lot of chocolate for the trip. The next nervous breakdown came when I was sat in the departure lounge, and again when I was seated on the plane, and in ten minute intervals throughout the journey. Despite my sleepless night and the long flight, I didn't sleep a wink between excitement and pure fear. The guy next to me tried talking to me but I showed him about as much interest as I would a rock, and soon he gave up. For the first time in a month, since Billie left, I let myself listen to Green Day. It was bizarre, hearing Billie's voice now. It filled me with nostalgia, excitement to see him again, a sense of foreboding dread that I was going to be seeing him again after the breakup, warmth because it was him, memories of growing up on those songs and new ones of our relationship. But there was also something incredibly soothing about the familiarity of his lyrics. Something that sounded one hell of a lot like home to me. 

After another gruellingly long flight I staggered off the plane at 12pm their time, fighting a severe lack of sleep and jet-lag. Wearily I made my way through customs and to baggage collection. I stumbled and didn't have the strength to get my bags off, so a nice stranger helped me haul them out and onto a trolley. I was basically falling asleep at the handlebar as I pushed it through to the exit, all emotion gone other than the desperate craving for sleep. 

I couldn't even be bothered to push my way through the crowds and so hung back lazily and dragged my feet as I made my way to call for a taxi outside, until something made me jump. I was swept sideways of my feet, making me yelp until I recognised the strong arms and stocky build.  
"Tré!" I squealed, my arms wrapping around his neck as I buried my head in his chest. "Oh my god it's so good to see you! I missed you so much," I blubbered, delirious with sleep and fighting the tears.  
"I missed you too," he grinned. I vaguely registered that his blue hair was now a bright turquoise. Tré insisted on leading me through the airport, taking my trolley off me and loading it into his car.  
"Where's Jimmy? Is she still pissed?"  
"Jimmy doesn't know. She's kinda sick right now and I thought this would be a nice surprise," by this point I was lounging in his front seat, soaking up the bright California sun and one of my best friends beside me, my head leaned all the way back and eyes closed in peace.  
"Well take me to her then, I need to see my best friend and sleep," I mumbled just loud enough for Tré to hear me, and I heard his chuckle in response. Everything that had been balled up in my chest suddenly released, I didn't care if Billie, Jimmy or anyone else didn't want to see me again. I just loved Oakland and it was here that I was calm, and now I realised that I had outgrown England, and this was my home now. 

"Not so fast, we're on a mission against time, remember?"  
"Huh?"  
"Billie," Tré prompted, as if I could have forgotten.  
"Let me sleep first," I whined, but Tré poked me sharply and repeatedly in the arm.  
"No!" I batted him off and soon we were both giggling.  
"Yes! I'm tired!"  
"And I went through hell getting that ticket. We're not wasting this day!"  
"I hate you,"  
"Hate you too!" He sang. 

The rest of the short journey was great fun, even if the destination wouldn't be. Tré had the radio on and we were singing full blast, making stupid voices and screaming random lines. But before long Tré had pulled up at the place I had called home for the last few months. It looked the same from the outside, except all of the curtains were drawn and no lights were on. Tré led me up to the front door.  
"Maybe wait here a second," he smiled sheepishly and shoulder-barged his way in, the door complained in a way that said it wasn't the first time people had entered like that. He paused to listen for a second before gesturing to follow. We crept around the house, Tré trying to make me laugh despite the fact that we were sneaking around. Eventually we came to a halt outside Billie's room, and my chest ached with the memories. Tré gestured for me to stand back again and knocked tentatively.  
"Billie?" There was no answer. "Billie?" He repeated a little firmer. He began to knock in a repeated rhythm, calling Billie's name as if they were lyrics.  
"Fuck off, Tré!" Billie's voice was dead.  
"Nope!" The other side went quiet. Tré whispered to me, "He's still alive then," but there was something in his tone that said he wasn't joking. 

Suddenly, Tré backed up and once again rammed at the door. The stubborn little shit didn't take much longer and soon he went crashing into it, sending the door almost off its hinges. Tré barged in but I hung back a second. The room was dim and it took me a second to adjust, but once I had I could see Billie's figure. He was laid on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't even flinch or look up when Tré waltzed in.  
"Get out," he said in a monotone voice and I felt my chest shatter. He was there again, right in front of me and I didn't care how broken he looked he was still breathtakingly handsome and I wanted to die.  
"Someone's here,"  
"Tell Mike to go away as well,"  
"It's not Mike,"  
"I don't want to see anyone," Billie almost snapped. 

"Fine," Tré sang, nothing could piss this guy off, but he signalled me in.  
Billie must have heard me walk in because he told 'Mike' to fuck off.  He looked different, but still the same beautiful guy I fell in love with. He was thinner, his t-shirt was hanging off him and his bare legs were definitely thinner, his face had narrowed and lost definition. He had dark circles around his eyes which were dull and staring like a dead man's. His hair was longer, clearly he hadn't bothered to cut it and the natural auburn tones were showing through. The room was musky, bedsheets not made, mess everywhere and it smelt overwhelmingly like him, indicating he'd not left in a while. 

"It's not Mike," I said softly, as if I was approaching a skittish deer. 

I wasn't sure how I was expecting Billie to react, but it wasn't that. He didn't even cast his eyes over to me, but instead screwed them shut and his face crumpled as if he was in pain.  
"Go away," he hissed, seemingly at the ceiling.  
"I'm sorry?" Billie moaned and rolled over, holding his head.  
"Make it stop," he almost begged "Please, I'm sorry, just please make them stop," he was nearly crying into his pillow, and seeing him like this was almost breaking me.  
"Billie," I breathed, unsure whether or not to come closer.  
"Make it stop. Make her go away," he whined again.  
"I can leave if you really want me to," I ventured, really unsure of myself all of a sudden. I would have rather had him screaming and shouting in a fit of rage than this.  
"I need to wake up," he said, and that made me pause. 

I crept over to Tré, who was of no help, but as I listened to Billie's repeated moaning I was beginning to realise that he wasn't talking to me.  
"Tré, does Billie hallucinate?"  
"Dunno,"  
"Helpful," I smacked his shoulder lightly, before once again approaching Billie. 

"Billie," the second I said his name he writhed and curled into himself, moaning in agony. "Billie I need you to look at me,"  
"Get out of my head!" He spat, so I reached out and gently pulled the covers off of him.  
"I'm not in your head. It's me and I'm here, for good if you want me. I promise,"  
He rolled over and his eyes finally found mine, pausing for a second as confusion crossed his exhausted features. Suddenly I felt terrible for everything I had thought of him, poor Billie was in a fad worse state than me.  
He was reaching out to me, like a little kid and so I gently guided his palm to my cheek, cradling his hand in mine and leaning into his touch.  
"Oh my god," he whispered, and I felt the electricity pulsing through me once again. It was like I could finally breathe clearly.  
"You, you're here?"  
"Yes," 

Billie hauled himself up and pulled me into him, his arms clinging onto me as if I was his oxygen, his face was buried in my neck and I could feel wetness from his eyes, but I ignored it, instead running my hands down his back, through his hair and along his neck, feeling like a blind man who'd finally gained their sight. After an age Billie pulled away, a sudden look of fury on his face,  
"What the fuck are you doing here?"  
"I wanted to come home,"  
"I made you stay at home. It's so much better for you over there, y'know, with family and Edmund and everything, I'm no good,"  
"I outgrew England a long time ago, Billie. It just took you to make me realise that this is home for me now. That is, if you still want me," I tailed off. 

Billie's hands were resting on my hips, and as I spoke the words I felt him retreat a little bit, sending an instant bolt of ice cold panic through me. As if Billie could read my thoughts, he grabbed my face and kissed me as if he thought I would die, immediately my hands clasped around his neck, returning the favour. The kiss was long and soft and sweet, it told a thousand heartbreaks, but it also told of hope, that Billie and I could get better. He softly pulled away, resting our foreheads together for a second. 

There was a loud thud that made us both jump, and I turned around to see Tré throwing the last of my bags down by the door.  
"My work here is done, see ya tomorrow, fuckers!" And with a cackle he bounded off down the stairs and out of sight. I collapsed weakly into Billie, giggles barely making their way out. 

We were quiet for a second, until Billie's fingers were under my chin, forcing me to look at him.  
"Are you sure this is what you want," he asked, nervousness radiating off him. One look into his honest eyes grounded me and I answered him without hesitation.  
"Yes, Billie. I love you, you doofus. Also everything I own is now officially here. And no more visits to England, they invented the telephone for a reason,"  
"I love you," he blurted before kissing me again. 

I let my hands wonder until they were at the hem of his shirt, and pulled it quickly over my head. I followed suit, quickly ripping my shirt off and shrugging his on, before kicking my jeans off so I was just in his shirt, and Billie in boxers. He looked mildly confused as I took his hand and led him into bed.  
"I've not slept in hours, and you don't look any better," I told him matter-of-factly.  
"But,"  
"There's plenty of time later, right now we just need to sleep," I murmured, already burrowing into his chest as he spoke and melting into his arms. 

"I've been wearing that shirt all week," Billie mumbled into my hair. Normally that would have grossed me out, but I was suffering from major withdrawal.  
"Good. Smells like you," I planted a kiss on his neck where my head was buried.  
"Jesus Christ I've missed you so much," he whispered into my hair. "I felt like I was dying without you," as he spoke it was like my heart broke again and again and again. If I'd have known that I would have hurt him that much I would never have stayed there.  
"I'm never going anywhere again," I managed as I drifted off to sleep, holding onto each other as if we would die tomorrow. I was certain that it was the best night (and day) of sleep that either of us had ever had.

 

\------////------

Sorry for my inability to update consistently lol. After the last chapter all your lovely comments got me back into the flow and it didn't take me long to get this one out. 

Also, I mean absolutely no disrespect to Adrienne, I love her and she's my Queen and I know she would never do anything to hurt Billie because they are PERFECT together, but it made a good backstory for Beej's reaction!

I wanted to hold out and make you suffer but I got too excited. I will edit it at some point :)


	24. With Every Breath That I Am Worth

I don't normally do authors notes before the chapter, but this one has some heavy stuff in it so I thought I'd pop in a trigger warning just to play it safe! 

Potential triggers:  
• Mentions of miscarriage   
• Mentions of self-harm  
• Mentions of suicide 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Billie's voice was worried and he was staring at me as if I was speaking German.   
"I'm seeing my best friend, not battling a dragon," I rolled my eyes, but shifted slightly in my seat, allowing myself to sway to the left as Billie rounded the corner. Tapping his hands on the wheel to the beat on the song that was playing softly in the background, Billie chuckled tersely.   
"I've heard she's been going through some stuff," he glanced sideways at me as he spoke, gauging my reaction. I shrugged. I didn't point out that his opinion was pretty much invalid, considering how he'd spent the past few months. He was as out of the loop as I was, but it wasn't fair to bring that up and the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach was effective at keeping my mouth shut.  
"She loves me, we'll be okay once we've had the initial talk," I gestured vaguely, not paying particular attention or care to where my hands were. I didn't miss the sideways glance Billie threw at me and I tried to ignore the tendrils of nerves spreading across my chest. 

He rounded the final corner and glided the car up the curb, cruising to a smooth halt outside Tré and Jimmy's house, if you could call it a house. Whilst Billie liked the understated, just-like-everyone else kind of home, Tré was the complete opposite. Set back in the richest avenue of town, a mansion of a house sprawled out across the land, taking up at least triple what Billie's home did.   
"I'll come," he was right by my side, arm already curled around my waist and pulling me into him.   
"Billie, calm down. I'll be fine," I leaned into his touch as he spoke before gently stepping away.   
"Maybe I want to see Tré," he challenged playfully.   
"Billie," I started but he interrupted me with a quick kiss.   
"Seeing Tré!" He sang and caught up with me as I walked up to the black iron gates that surrounded the property and pressed the buzzer.

"Yello?" Tré's voice was crackly, but clear enough through the speaker  
"Hey, Tré-" Billie started but I interrupted him this time.   
"Shut up. Tré I'm here to see Jimmy and your asshole best friend is trying to gatecrash," I said whilst narrowing my eyes at Billie, who simply grinned at me. Tré didn't bother replying down the intercom, but there was a buzzing sound as the gates open and Billie and I made our way forward. 

The walk up the driveway took a few minutes and I could definitely feel the cold pressure mounting in my stomach. Thoughts about Billie being right began to creep into my head and now I was really scared to see Jimmy, especially as I started to remember the night I first met her and how scared I was of her then. A warm hand slid down my arm and took ahold of my hand, intertwining our fingers. I looked up at Billie, but he wasn't looking at me, a small but knowing smile just etched on his face. At least the burst of warmth from him was enough to temporarily beat away my thoughts, because we were fast approaching the grand front door. 

I couldn't tell if Tré was serious or seriously taking the piss with the design of the house. The whole place looked like a gothic mansion, with a heavy oak door decorated with iron twisting around the entrance and a very very gothic gargoyle knocker placed smack bang in the middle. I turned to look at Billie, my eyebrows raised in obvious question, but he just grinned at me again, clearly enjoying my confusion, before breaking our hands and hitting the knocker a few times. It was quiet for all of a second before the yapping of Tré's Frenchie kicks off and I could hear Tré's shouting and scuffling. After a few seconds of noise, whilst my heart rate was constantly increasing, the huge oak door was wrenched back and Tré's grinning face was greeting us. 

"Heeeey!" He dragged out, then paused, coking his head to the side. "What are you doing here?" He asked as he stepped back, inviting Billie and I into his home.   
"Tré, I told you yesterday and just now over the intercom that I wanted to see Jimmy," the amusement couldn't be kept out of my voice, I loved Tré even if he was horrendously forgetful and permanently distracted.   
"He's gatecrashing," I added, gesturing to Billie who threw his hands up in a defensive manner.   
"I'm not! Tré's was my friend first!" Before I could argue with him, Tré cut in,  
"Now, now children. I'm flexible, you can both have a piece of me," he said with a look that made me quite happy to be handing Billie over to him. Billie smiled smugly at my slightly horrified expression and followed Tré through the maze of a house to his kitchen, where they pulled out some beers and made their way through to the lounge. 

"Tré?" I called to the boys' retreating backs.   
"Uh huh?" He yelled back, not even turning around   
"Jimmy?" I asked, trying not to sound too much like a teacher prompting a forgetful student   
"Oh yeah! She's in our room," was the last thing he said before they rounded the corner out of sight, leaving me alone to figure out exactly what 'our room' meant. 

"Thanks guys," I muttered to myself as I made my way up the stairs. It felt like a good place to start, most people after all slept upstairs, although really anything was possible where Jimmy and Tré were involved. I wouldn't be lying if I said the basement had crossed my mind. Their staircase was as dramatic as anything else, large and spiralling and made entirely out of polished black wood. The banister was ornamentally stunning, with an intricate vine pattern winding its way up the handlebar and ending in yet another gargoyle. Gotta love gargoyles. 

All the bedroom doors were made of the same heavy oak as the front door, each again with a gargoyle knocker, bringing me back to my previous point of was Tré actually being serious with this design? Instead of walking through what looked like a thousand doors, I decided the easiest thing to do was to just call for my best friend. 

"Jimmy?" I asked tentatively. No answer.   
"Jimmy?" I called again, making my voice louder in hopes that she would hear me. My second attempt seemed successful because I definitely heard movement, however I was not expecting to hear Jimmy swearing at me.   
"Fucking hell," her voice came from somewhere inside the castle/maze house. "If that's who I think it is I swear to god I want to open this door and you will be gone," her words were so sharp they made me physically recoil, a sudden cold sensation blossomed across my chest and a genuine fear made my muscles tense. 

One of the doors open and the next thing I knew I was stood directly across the hallway from my best friend. Jimmy looked like hell, to put it lightly. Her hair was scraped back into a messy bun that looked as if it hadn't been styled, let alone washed, in days. Her face was pale and similar to Billie she had dark circles under her eyes. She was wearing black silk pyjamas and a black bathrobe, but she looked fragile instead of her usual sexy. Her shoulders were slumped and I realised that she looked miserable, defeated. This was not the same person who forced me into sex shop, this was hardly the same person who had scared the shit out of me when I first met her. 

"Jimmy," was all I managed to breathe through the shock.   
"Don't." She spoke in the same flat tone. "Don't 'Jimmy' me. Don't even try to talk to me. Don't come near me and so help me if you try to touch me you will regret it. Turn the fuck around and fuck right back off to where you came from," she was already turning around before she even finished her rant.   
"Jimmy, wait," I tried immediately.   
"Jesus, you just don't get it, do you? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to hear whatever stupid little explanation you've made up to help yourself sleep at night. I don't care!" She spat  
"Jimmy please,"  
"No. You're the worst. The literal fucking worst! I don't give a fuck what you have to say so just fuck off. You're an idiot for coming back here and Billie is an even bigger idiot for taking your pathetic ass back." And with that she turned around and slammed the door behind her, leaving me stood

It would have been less painful if she'd just punched me in the gut. Multiple times. With a knife. Any slight relaxation from the last twelve hours was gone and once again I was struggling to breathe. There was a new feeling in the pit of my stomach and my mouth was watering as if I was about to throw up. I had never, never expected her to react like that. I had expected her to be angry, but maybe whatever illness Tré had said she was down with was worse than I had first thought. I managed to walk to her bedroom door before sliding down and collapsing against the oak. There was no way I could stop my hands shaking or the hot tears leaking from my eyes. 

After taking a few minutes to myself to recover, I swallowed my pride an knocked on the door. I needed Jimmy in my life as much as I needed Billie.   
"Jimmy, please let me talk," my voice came out a look meeker than I expected.   
"You're still here?" She asked, but her voice was also quieter and it broke halfway through. I could have convinced myself that there was a tiny uplift if I tried hard enough.   
"I'm still here. And I'm staying here until you at least hear me out, and you know I don't have a problem with sleeping on the floor. Look, once I'm done you can scream and shout and curse me out until you're blue in the face. And then I'll leave. But I want to talk first," the silence on the other side was almost reassuring. "I'm not just going to back down anymore. You taught me better than that," I heard a resigned sigh and the door clicked.   
"Fine," was all Jimmy said. 

Small victories. 

Tré and Jimmy's room was monumental, although I really didn't care much for looking around. Now wasn't the time and all I was interested in was getting my best friend back. Jimmy was sat on the edge of the king size four poster bed in the middle of the room. Unsurprisingly at this point, it was as gothic and intricate and made of the same polished wood as the staircase. Black silk sheets were crumpled on the bed and it clearly hadn't been made. Her shoulders were hunched over and she had her eyes closed, refusing to look up at me.   
"Go on then," her voice was going flat again and I tried not to let it discourage me "talk."

"Okay," I took a second to gather my thoughts before launching into my monologue. I explained about how the decision to stay was a snap one and not one I was expecting to have to make. I think I apologised about seven times, and I even said how much I cried which is why I couldn't pick up the phone. Jimmy, surprisingly, sat quietly throughout the whole thing. She didn't even break her gaze from her hands that were folded neatly in her lap. I couldn't see her face too well because her fringe was hanging like a shield. Once I'd finished she still didn't look up as she spoke. 

"That's just the problem, though, isn't it, Lily? You didn't think because you were hurting. You didn't think that your actions would hurt anyone else, you didn't think about calling me, calling any of us. You didn't think that you would break his heart. You didn't think about me, or about Tré and Mike. They're your friends too, but you didn't think about them because you were too busy throwing a pity party for yourself. You just didn't think," her words stunned me, to the point where I had to take a minute to process what she had said.   
"I didn't think anyone would miss me that much," I answered truthfully.   
"You're so dumb sometimes, you know that?" Her voice had softened a little bit and she was looking at me again. "You just think you wonder around and don't make a difference to anyone. Just because Josh treated you like a worthless piece of shit, doesn't mean that we don't see how valuable you really are. And I don't know about your snooty friends in London, but I don't think they love you like we do either," 

I couldn't really think of anything to respond with, so I offered her a watery smile that Jimmy just about managed to return.   
"I needed you," she said quietly. "I really needed you and you weren't there. Lots of people have let me down, Lils, you gotta understand that, so maybe I got kinda angry and blamed it all on you,"   
"I did try to call you," I attempted to defend myself. But that was when I noticed something I had never seen before. 

Jimmy was looking back at her lap, and there were actual tears running down her face and dripping into her hands. Jimmy didn't cry, Jimmy never cried. The closet I had ever seen her to crying was when her eyes teared up from laughing too hard at Tré falling off his unicycle. I immediately rushed to her side.   
"Jimmy, what's going on?" I couldn't keep the worried tone out of my voice.   
"I was pregnant," at that Jimmy's voice broke and she really began to cry. I didn't even know how to comfort her, so I just let her talk. 

"I didn't tell you. Tré and I have been trying to have a kid for like a year now, and it's not going so well. I got pregnant just before you left. We didn't want to tell anyone because I never make it far before something goes wrong, but this time it was actually going well. I had my twelve week scan the week you got that dumb invite and I was gonna tell you that day you came around to mine, but then you said you were taking a trip to England and I didn't wanna spoil that for you,"   
"Jimmy, I-"   
"No, just let me finish," she cut me off before I could speak. "I had a miscarriage three weeks ago."   
"Jim-"   
"No. I've had other miscarriages and they suck, but this was the furthest along I've ever been. Tré was planning out the nursery, we picked out some names and then that's it. Boom. Gone. No more baby. I needed you so much then, and you weren't there. And how do you call someone and tell them that over the phone? I couldn't do it, I could hardly stand to think about it. Fuck, Lily, there was so much blood. So I did something stupid," at this Jimmy paused and scanned my face, before dropping her bathrobe. 

The littering of red lines over her thighs didn't need explaining. The old scar tissue was red raw and freshly opened wounds were in their place. The most recent ones were still scabs. I swallowed thickly, Jimmy had never shown me this part of her life before. "I used to do it for attention," she laughed dryly "big mistake, ended up getting addicted and couldn't stop. Before I knew it the fucking blade was my therapist," what was more concerning however, was the state of her arms. They were clean aside from a deep line that ran down the length of each of her forearms. They were still red and knitted together with stitches. Jimmy caught me looking. 

"It's okay," she said, nodding first at me and then her arms. "I got a little overwhelmed. I didn't think I had anyone to talk to and I'd lost the only thing I desperately wanted. I couldn't even see how Tré would want me. This seemed like an easy way out. Dumb choice, he found me in the bath. I had to have a blood transfusion,. That's why I look like shit, by the way, they only let me out of the hospital like two days ago so I'm still kinda wobbly,"   
"Jimmy you don't have to say anymore," finally Jimmy stopped talking and listed to me, both of us were crying and before I knew what was happening we were clinging onto each other and sobbing for dear life. 

"I'm so sorry," I bawled into her shoulder   
"I'm sorry too," was her equally sniffly response. Once we had it out of our systems Jimmy decided to have a shower and I cleaned up in the sink before heading downstairs to annoy the boys. 

The boys, as it turned out, were being very exciting and watching a college baseball game like it was the championships.   
"Wow guys, you have all this cool stuff to play with and you choose to watch college baseball? This is a new low," Jimmy said, casually flicking Tré with a drumstick that she found lying around somewhere. It was nice to see her back to her old self, although there was something not quite right in her eyes. I knew that she wouldn't just bounce back, and that she was simply putting on her tough guy front. I had pretended not to notice the several bottles of pills on the kitchen counter as we walked past. 

"Hey!" Tré immediately protested "I do that all day. Let me have some downtime!"   
"Tré Cool and downtime? In the same sentence? I think not," I chipped in to Jimmy's agreement.   
"So you two are best buddies again now?" Tré asked, comically looking between Jimmy and I as if he was waiting for a bomb to go off. Billie just raised his eyebrows at me in a look that said 'I'm impressed'. Jimmy slung an arm around my shoulder   
"You got it. Back to good old buddy old pals,"   
"Great," Billie smiled and even behind Tré's constant jokes and silly faces, I could see a relieved smile cross his face.   
"Wonderful. Now if you don't mind I haven't seen my lady all day, so bye!" Was Tré's final words as he grabbed Jimmy gently by the hips and picked her up into a fireman's lift, walking back towards the staircase. I looked to Billie, who was turning off the TV as he stood up.   
"I take it that was our que to leave?" He just chuckled in response and reached out to grab my hand.   
"C'mon, I'll make dinner," 

As it turned out, we had dinner in bed. Technically speaking we had dessert first and then Billie decided to order a pizza that we shared. Two pizzas that we shared. Apparently getting greasy finger marks on the sheets don't matter when you've already ruined the sheets. It was about one am and we were sat with the covers around our waists, I had wriggled into another one of Billie's shirts and he was still naked aside from a pair of boxers he had pulled on to greet the delivery guy, making quick work of our second pizza when I noticed that Billie had stopped. 

"What?" I asked him, immediately patting at my face to look for the mess that I had inevitably made.   
"Y'know it was really cool how you handled things with Jimmy today," I didn't know what to say so I decided to become very interested in my pepperoni.   
"Thanks I guess,"   
"I mean it,"   
"Thank you," I leaned in for a quick kiss, and stole a bite of his pizza.   
"Hey! You literally have your own right there in your hand!"   
"Yeah, but I wanted yours," I responded with a cheeky grin to Billie's indignant expression.   
"Fine, but only because I love you," he rolled his eyes as if saying it was the worst thing ever   
"Love you too," I mumbled deliberately through a mouthful of pizza. Billie made the appropriate funny face. 

It was Billie who broke the silence again only a few minutes later.   
"Hey you know what?"  
"What?"   
"We should get married,"   
"What!?" I dropped my pizza, face down on the sheets with an appropriate splat.   
"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about it before we went to England and then afterwards all I could think about was how I just wished I had asked you before. And it's so easy with you, and you getting along great with my friends and you love what I do, and now you're on speaking terms again with Jimmy it's perfect. I'm serious, y'know, I wanna get married," Billie looked completely vulnerable, he was talking quick and he looked as if he was waiting for me to say no. 

"Okay," the word was out of my mouth before I had time to think, instinct had completely taken over. "Okay yeah. But you've got to ask me properly," I teased.   
"Aw shit, I don't have the ring on me,"   
"You bought a ring already?"  
"Shut up,"   
"Sorry sorry, do continue," I gestured playfully  
"This will have to do," he said, touching his thumb and forefinger together to make a circle shape, making me giggle. 

He effectively tumbled out of bed and crawled around to my side, where he actually got onto one knee.   
"I love you. I love you with everything that I am, I love you with every breath that I am worth. My mind belongs to you, my heart belongs to you, my soul belongs to you. Everything that I am is already yours, so let's just make it official? Lily Orfield, will you marry me?" Billie held out his circled hand, gesturing for my left hand. I held my hand out and he slid his fingers around my ring finger, leaving it looking like a pizza-greased crude sign, but the sentiment was there nonetheless. I couldn't help the stupid smile on my face. 

"Yes," 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well hello there children

As you can see I have returned from the void. As this has been a particularly long time in said void I feel like you guys deserve an explanation. I had my final year of college this year and basically it was really high pressure the entire time and I didn't have much time for the fun stuff. Instead the void was filled with thrilling activities like university applications and studying for ridiculously hard exams (such fun!). Luckily my results came in last week and by some miracle I actually got the grades and I start university in September which is wild. 

I think it would be nice to get this finished before I go but knowing my track record... let's just see lol 

As per usual, feedback is muchly appreciated!! Especially after such a long break because I feel like my writing style for this book is quite different now. I've been doing some imagines over on tumblr (if you're a marvel fan go check it on on @imagines-and-headcannons) at the start of the summer and I've been writing in second person so it felt really weird going back to first! 

Also this chapter was a bugger to write due to the less pleasant content and I might have procrastinated doing that this summer. But I saw a green day tribute band today (who were very accurate, kudos to them) and it sort of re-sparked the love and I was feeling a bit inspired so yeah. Ta-daa!

Anyway, until next time (which will not be nearly as long as this wait) 

Rage and Love,  
Le Gremlin


End file.
